Is It Easy to Maintain a Long-Distance Love?

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The great Benjamin Franklin once said that “Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

Research studies showed that geographical proximity is a major factor that causes people to fall in love and deepen their romantic relationship. Distance matters in a relationship. The closer the person to his or her crush the higher is the probability of establishing a romantic relationship.

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Proximity in distance due to similarity of jobs, schools, religion, church, or group affiliation can facilitate frequent face-to-face social interactions that provide more opportunities for people to fall in love. Physical closeness of people is the main reason why research studies showed that many married couples are either office mates, classmates, schoolmates, or members of the same group or organization. Therefore one would wonder whether a long-distance relationship of romantic partners can end up in marriage if the couple is separated by long distances that minimize face-to-face interactions. The following case will illustrate how an intimate relationship became problematic due to physical separation of the romantic couple:

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“My girlfriend and I have been in a committed and long distance relationship… Despite all the ups and downs, we’ve managed to make it a year. Lately, I’ve found out she’s falling out of love? She’s still with me but I could feel her going numb. It’s killing me as I love her to death, I do the extra mile for her, be there for her all the time, write poems, buy her flowers, make her little cute videos…I genuinely love her and I know she loves me too… But her falling out is killing it all….” [1]

The Limits of Digital and Electronic Communication 

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It’s easier to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship today than 20 years ago because of digital technology and the Internet.  But generally, it is easier to maintain a short-distance relationship than a long-distance one especially when there is a problem in communication. I know one couple who became separated when the boyfriend migrated to a far country because he was petitioned by his parents as a permanent resident, together with his father and other siblings. Although he regularly communicated with his girlfriend through the social media and the smart phone, the physical separation seems very painful for both, especially to the girlfriend. Thus, after around 7 or 8 months abroad, he took a leave from his work and went back home to see his girlfriend despite the expensive airfare he has to shoulder.

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Digital communication could not really substitute physical presence in a romantic or marital relationship. Intimacy requires face-to-face interaction. Although digital or electronic technologies offer instant text messaging, chatting, or video conferencing, they could not fully satisfy the human need for touch or personal and sexual intimacy for  couples and romantic partners to deepen their relationship. Long distance relationship is, therefore, difficult to maintain especially if both partners or spouses do not believe in some higher or spiritual values that can cement their commitment for each other and if one or both partners do not encounter exciting people or encounter serious conflicts in the relationship that would tempt them to abandon their original partnership.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

References

[1]“I Love My Girlfriend” by h4n5dj22 in www.experienceproject.com

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10 Top Signs of Women Falling in Love

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1. Seductive Eye Contact 

(She looks at him once in a while, looks into his eyes, looks at him often, looks long, etc.) 

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If the woman continuously looking at a man and not the room or surrounding, it is a sign that she is interested in him. She can also show her special affection for him by occasionally glancing at him, especially if he is not looking at her. If the man is observant and sensitive enough of this nonverbal sign of attraction, then he can sense that somebody is seducing him through her eye contact.

The eyes are said to be the windows of the soul. The movements of the eyes are loaded with meanings and clues to the internal disposition of the person. One can sense if a person is sad, happy, afraid, or falling in love through his/her eyes. Most surveys on which body part is the sexiest for men and women revealed that the eyes are considered the sexiest of all body parts of both genders. The movements of the eyes of the person can convey romantic and sexual meanings for the other.

2. Seductive Eye contact with other Nonverbal Facial Expressions 

(She looks at the man in a seductive way, ogle, wink, smile at, smile in a friendly way, smile sweetly at, etc. )

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Showing seductive eyes implies that the woman is interested in a particular man. The eyes are the most expressive body part that provides a crucial clue whether the woman has a special interest to the opposite sex. A woman who likes a particular person usually look, ogle, or wink with a sweet smile to him. A seductive glance with a smile or other facial expression is different with an ordinary disinterested look. An observant and sensitive guy can tell whether a woman has a special concern for him or not by just observing a woman’s seductive look and facial expression.

3. Moving Closer to the Guy:

(She stands or sits close to him, walk by, stay near him, etc.)

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Physical distance has a social meaning in a relationship. The distance between two people implies the degree of intimacy. If a woman is too far from the man, it implies an absence or lack of connection or intimacy between. But if a woman is moving closer to a man by approaching, standing or sitting near him, it implies that she wants to know more about him and to have some intimacy with him.

4. Approaching  and Starting to Talk to the Man:

(She walks to him and begin a speech, go next to him in a bar or coffee shop and say something, etc. )

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Some aggressive women do not only go near to the persons that attract them but also try to make initial and indirect verbal moves to connect with them. They sometimes walk to them or go next to them in a bar or coffee shop and start conversing with them informally. Their aura is usually friendly and their interest is shown in the sweet smiles on their faces.

5. Talking to Guy about Issues of General Interest:

(She makes a joke, begins a conversation, saying something witty to him, asking a question, making a remark, etc.)

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To get the attention of the guy, the interested woman would sometimes approach him and start a light conversation, say something witty, ask a question, or make a remark, especially if the initial encounter was already established. This is an indirect way of inviting her man to a romantic relationship. It all depends on the guy whether he too is interested and would accept these initial moves of wooing.

6. Talking Directly to the Guy:

(She makes a compliment, says she likes him, offers him a drink, says directly what she thinks of him, invites him to dance, etc. )

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If some women want to ensure that their seductions and nonverbal signs of interest are noticed, they usually approach their targets directly and say something nice about them, offer some drinks, or invite them to a dance.

7. Talking Indirectly to the Guy, Apparently in a  Functional Way:

(She asks what time it is, ask for a light, ask for a coin for the telephone, ask for a cigarette, etc.) 

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To get the attention of the men they are interested in, some women would approach their targets and ask them in a functional way for some things to be noticed. They would, for instance, ask the women about the time of the day, ask for a light or help in some mobile phone problems, a cigarette, etc.

8. Approaching the Guy through a Third Person:

(She approaches him through a friend, she walks by and talks to another person, etc.)

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Women would sometimes use a “go-between” or a common friend just to get in touch with their targets. A woman, for instance, would ask a friend in a gathering about the next guy on the table, etc. She can make a whisper to her friend and look seductively on the guy.

9. Paying Special Attention to Him:

(She listens to him with amusement, she’s attentive, asks interesting questions, be nice, pay attention to him, etc. )

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A woman signals her interest to a guy by being extra interested with what he is doing. She asks questions in a nice on his latest project, hobby, sport, etc. She also follows him in the social media or anything he is active online.

10. Showing Some of Her Physical Features:

(She shows her sexy body or any body part to her crush)

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Showing some sexy body parts is another strategy of women who fall in love with their men. This is a more direct nonverbal sign to invite men to approach and make a connection with the seducing females. This can be an effective strategy since men, in general, can easily be attracted physically to women.

GIF credits: Giphy.com

References

De Weerth, C. & Kalma, A. (1995). Gender Differences in Awareness of Courtship Initiation Tactics. Sex Roles. Vol. 32, Nos. 11/12, 1995.

________”Spot the Signs to Know that a Woman is Seducing You”Men’s Corner Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.ayushveda.com/mens-magazine/spot-the-signs-to-know-a-woman-is-seducing-you/.

7 Reliable Tips on How to Heal a Broken Heart!

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Introduction

Rejection or separation from people we love is a fact of life. There are lots of romantics  and separated couples out there who are nursing a broken heart because they cannot forget the past and move on with their lives. To be rejected by somebody we love in a romantic or marital relationship can indeed be painful. Since people’s minds are conditioned by society that to fall in love is natural, the bodily and psychological effects of a breakup or divorce can be devastating. But people are historical beings. The pain of a broken heart is not forever. It can heal depending on how we deal with the past experience and how we change our social environment. Here are some reliable and practical tips on how to expedite the healing of a broken heart:

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1. Avoid all things that can remind you of the past relationship. Avoid people, places, and things that can remind you of your former lover. The more you hold on to the past, the longer the healing process  to end. Always remember, that this person is only one of the many millions of people you can associate yourself with in the future.

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This relationship has ended and there is no reason to hold on to it. Probably, it is the happy memories of the past that keep you clinging to the failed romance. But it is only a matter of time that you can meet your next lover, depending on your attitude and openness to begin  a new relationship.

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2. Change something in your Self and environment to mark a new beginning of  your life. You can change your looks, hair, or fashion which can make you feel good about  yourself. Some people would cut their hair or have a new hairstyle to forget the past.

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If possible, you can change your job or activities that would remind you of your former lover and past experience. You can engage in new sports, hobbies, or enhance your talents to heal the wound and repair your broken ego. Achieving something for yourself and others can improve your self-confidence and help you forget the past.

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3. Evaluate your past mistakes and try to avoid them in your next relationship. Learn from your mistakes. Do your homework before you decide to enter a new relationship. Do some background check first before saying “yes” to your next lover! A simple research whether the person is already married, a womanizer, or a drug dependent, etc. can avoid a lot of future headaches!

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Also, check whether you can manage the cultural difference with your next love. Marrying a foreigner or a person with a different cultural background can also cause a lot of headaches in personal compatibility and adjustment.

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4. Look for a friend or person who is patient enough to hear your frustrations and lamentations. In the stage of your breakup, the negative emotions you feel could be heavy. If you decide not to see a psychologist or therapist to listen to you, find a true friend who is patient enough to journey with you in your depressions and frustrations. Someone who can objective enough to assess your problem and give you an honest feedback on what’s going on with you.

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The trick is to release all those pent-up emotions and hidden anger within you, to unload all your mental baggage or negative emotions against the person who rejected you and move on with your life. Repressing emotions can have a negative consequence to you physical and mental health.

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5. Consult a professional psychologist if the trauma and depression are serious. If you feel that the trauma is serious, you can consult a professional psychologist to assist you in overcoming the emotional pain caused by the breakup or divorce.

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6. Don’t lock yourself in the room, go out and meet new people!

Retreating from public life or from your circles of friends and relatives just because you’re nursing a broken would not be helpful in overcoming a painful breakup. You should, instead, strengthen your bonding with your family and old friends and open yourself to new people and friends. To forget the past, you should encounter new and exciting people, events, and places. Taking an exciting vacation, joining organizations, or participating in wholesome parties and charitable activities can be an effective means to heal a broken heart!

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7. Be patient. Only time can heal a broken heart. There is no medicine or pain reliever that you can take to remove the romantic pain immediately. Just don’t panic. All romantics undergo the painful experience of nursing a broken heart. The good news is that this pain will be more bearable  as you grow in experience, maturity, and wisdom in romantic relationship. To mend a broken heart is more painful for first-timers but less for experienced lovers and repeaters.

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Final Advice

Don’t forget to pray and ask God to guide you. Based on research, religious people are likely to hurdle difficult problems in life than non-religious. Romance is only temporary but faith in God is eternal. Join religious groups and organizations for mutual support. What matters is your ultimate goal in life. Don’t lose sight of it. One failed experience should not define you life. Rise and see the beauty of life!

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Photo credit for all photos: Pexels.com free photos

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to like, comment, or share it to help those in distress. Cheers and best wishes!

 

 

8 Biggest Turn Offs for Women in a Date

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The following are some of the biggest turn offs for women in a date. Men must avoid these actions and traits when having a formal or informal date with a lady. A turned off girl would probably tell her partner the following observations:

1.You Lack  Confidence, Boy! Your Body Language will Show it.

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Insecure personality as shown in the guy’s body language is a big turn off for women in a date.  If you’re not confident about yourself or are feeling nervous during your dinner-date, your female partner will notice it. This is one of the biggest reasons why guys get spurned on a date. Women usually look for guys who are confident, secure, and ready to protect them. How can a nervous guy assure a woman that he can be dependable and reliable if he himself lacks self-confidence?

2. Oh, Boy! You look Cheap in Your Own Date When You Don’t Have To Be!

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First impression counts in your first date. Prepare for it, including your budget. Make sure you have enough money to bring your girl to an expensive dinner-date! Your date will result in a big turn off if she noticed that you trying to save money and thus look cheap! The following actions are some of the biggest turn offs for women:

“#1: Order the cheapest thing on the menu, and make a joke if his date orders something more expensive. Even if you’re kidding, this makes her feel hugely unappreciated.

#2: Ask to split the bill, when he’s the one who asked her out. Look, ‘don’t go Dutch’ is a  a core rule of manliness. If you ask her out, you pay. It’s just polite.

#3: Bring a bottle of wine to a party, and take the leftover wine home. I’m not even going to explain this one…”(Sutherns).

3. You Have a Bad (Or Overpowering) Scent, Boy!

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Some advice to avoid a bad or overpowering smell:

Step #1: Use antiperspirant, instead of just deodorant. Deodorant only attempts to block bad odors… while antiperspirant stops sweating altogether.

Step #2: Brush your teeth well every day, instead of just intensely brushing right before a date. Bad breath germs can live in your mouth/throat and can even grow … so wipe them out regularly by brushing on a schedule.

Step #3: Choose the right cologne (and use a max of two sprays). Some cologne are more powerful than others, so get one that’s long-lasting, and tone down the amount of sprays (one spray on both your chest and neck are ideal).

4. You Accidentally Make Yourself the Focus of Your Date!

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“There’s a distinct line (a timeline, actually) between being expressive (what girls want)and being too informative (what they don’t want). Being expressive means telling her that you like her, being honest when something’s bothering you, etc.…but being too informative means talking about things that are way too personal/serious too soon (when she’s not ready to hear them…)” (Sutherns).

5. You are a Boring Guy!

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A boring guy is another big turn off for women. Women  like dating partners who are entertaining with a strong sense of humor, making the date worthwhile. All girls and guys have experienced this at some point in their lives. Try to sit next to a guy, and his conversations were so boring that you would rather jump off a cliff.

6. You’re a Narcissist Dating Partner!

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A self-centered guy who cares more about himself than his date is a big turn off for women. Any guy who spends more time in front of the mirror than his own girlfriend is a huge turn off. Also, if you’re having dinner with your date, and the waiter accidentally spills a bit of juice on your silk shirt, wipe it away like a man. Don’t whine about how your silk shirt is ruined and behave like a drama queen.

7. You Act Like You Know it all, Boy!

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Don’t talk as if you know all the answers to all the questions of your female partner. Nothing is worse than you acting like a dude who’s too self-absorbed with your own self and forget to notice that you partner exists. Talk less and listen more to your date. Make her feel that she is important and special during your date.

 8. You’re not Following Her Through, Boy!

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Women like persistent men. After the date, women expect their men to make a follow after the first encounter. They like men who pursue them. An inconsistent guy is a biggest loser and turn off for women.

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

References

Patterson, E. (n.d.). The 10 Biggest Dating Turn Offs for Women. Retrieved from https://www.lovepanky.com/men/understanding-women/10-dating-turn-offs-for-women.

Sutherns, R. (n.d.). “7 Big Things that Turn Women Off [From Her]”. Retrieved from https://www.mantelligence.com/surprising-things-that-turn-women-off/.

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What is a Deceptive Love?

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Let us start with a short story of a man who had mental reservation or lying when he didn’t tell his girlfriend that he is already in love with another woman while still in relationship with her. This story can be considered a form of deceptive love:

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I had a boyfriend for five years and seven months. His name was Anton and we were deeply in love. At least I’d like to believe that he was in love with me, too. We had dreams of getting married in the year 2000 and we agreed to name our first baby girl with both our mothers’ names.

For five years, my life focused on Anton. He was my world and my life, and he always came first. My friends, family, career and even myself came after. My heart and mind were already set on having him as my husband–my lifetime partner. Nothing and no one could change that. His family and friends knew about us and accepted me. They were all kind to me and treated me well. I remember his brothers and sisters introducing me to their friends as “our future sister-in-law”. Everyone thought it would be Anton and me in the end.

Third quarter of this year, we began having frequent fights over small things like where to eat, what movie to watch and whether he would see me or not. He’d tell me he was under a lot of pressure from both his work and his relationship with me so I proposed we “cool off” for awhile. I told him that in the meantime, I wouldn’t call him or see him as often as I wanted to, but I’d always be around if ever he needed me.

Without a second thought, he accepted my proposal and told me to just end the relationship. Joe, it was as if he had just waited for me to initiate the breakup.

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I was shocked and surprised. The man I love and gave my life to was letting me go. Though it hurt, I accepted the idea because I thought he was just tired from work and confused. I thought that after a few days, we’d both realize that we really need and love each other.

When we parted ways, I couldn’t help but cry. The following day I called him and asked if we could still talk about it. I asked him the real reason and he told me that he was tired of my demands. He was tired of being committed and just wanted to be alone for awhile. I told him I’d change but Anton remained firm in his decision.

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Twenty days after our breakup, we agreed to meet in our old meeting place for dinner. However, he didn’t show up despite my numerous pages reminding him that I was waiting. When the mall closed, I decided to go home and on my way, I saw him with another woman. What made it even painful was that he just ignored me, as if he didn’t see me. For two days, I was absent from work, I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. I didn’t know what was happening, why he was with that girl when he was supposed to meet me–that same girl my friends saw him with minutes before our breakup…. (Source: http://sobrangcheezy.blogspot.hk/2010/03/joe-dmangos-love-notes-time-to-move-on.html).

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

    Not all forms of romantic love are sincere and honest. Some are deceptive. Romantic partners can appear as angels but deep inside they are motivated to take advantage of the other.  Having your heart broken is the easy part; knowing when to move on is the challenge. One must be careful not to enter into a deceptive love relationship. This type of love is based on lies and deceit. And the innocent victim of this type of love will end up frustrated and broken hearted.

      Deceptive love is a fake type of romantic love where one or both partners either consciously or unconsciously mislead the other in an effort to dishonestly establish trust and intimacy. The person who engages in this type of romantic love follows a sort of “catch and release” pattern. He or she is more interested in catching more fish (lovers) than in staying in love and maintaining a long-term relationship. His or her intention is ‘to collect” more girlfriends or boyfriends and enjoy whatever social, emotional, and sexual benefits he or she can reap while in intimacy with their partners. But he or she would eventually break up with some of his or her partner/s if he or she becomes dissatisfied with the relationship. This is the case of a person who is tagged as a “playboy” or “playgirl”, a person who likes to establish multiple romantic relationships with other people without serious intention of establishing a lasting relationship or true love.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

      This is an unhealthy and functional type of “love”. The person falls in love with another for selfish motives. This is common in the social media where anonymous individuals, using fictitious identity, establish romantic relationships with other users through chatting and other digital means of communication. One woman in the Philippines became a victim of this type of love on Facebook. She fell in love with a man she only knew through the social media. After establishing romantic relationship, the man requested her nude photo. Then he extorted her money, demanding that she should give him a certain amount or else he would post her nude picture online.

     In the study “Understanding the Routine Expression of Deceptive Affection in Romantic Relationships,” deceptive affection means that an individual in a romantic relationship chooses to express affection he or she does not actually feel. According to this study, non-married individuals expressed deceptive affection about three times a week to romantic partners.

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      Couples who are not in good terms with their partners usually use deceptive affection to save face, avoid embarrassing their partner or sidestep a situation that may land them in hot water. This can include lying about one’s own feelings or feelings about a partner and expressing affection instead of negative feelings.  Some studies showed that couples use verbal and non-verbal affection in hopes that a sweet caress or profession of love will mask their true feelings. The use of affection to lie appears to be a regular activity in romantic relationships. Thus, people can be extra sweet with their partners to gain material favors such as owning a new car, house and lot, or signing a prenuptial agreement to gain an inheritance of the wealthy partner. Deceptive affection can actually help maintain a relationship in some cases. But affection and care in deceptive love are only a facade of the selfish motives of some romantics to take advantage of their partners.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

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