Top 7 Clues Your Husband is Having an Extramarital Affair

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1. He Often Avoids Eye Contact with You.

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If your husband frequently avoids eye contact with you, especially when you asked about his personal  activities and whereabouts, then be warned that he maybe hiding something. “Eyes are the doors to the soul. Even if your partner is having an affair, his soul is not able to give approval. Hence there is an element of guilt. At the same time, being a certain personality type, his way of behaving is to develop an emotional barrier between two of you. This one way emotional distance triggered by his infidelity wants to avoid emotional and physical intimacy with you as he has betrayed your trust” (greatlifezone.com).

2. He Suddenly Changes His Appearance.

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A person who falls in love usually becomes more conscious about his appearance, clothes, and health. “If your partner goes in for a makeover so that he can look a younger or more energetic man to look a different man, it may be more than a change of fashion sense, be warned.

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Just check if your husband has drastically changed his clothing style, hair do or appearance for no apparent need then he may be trying to impress the other woman” (greatlifezone.com).

3. He Suddenly Pampers You.

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Sometimes, being extra sweet to one’s wife can be a strategy of the husband to hide his extramarital affair. “In an unsuccessful bid to hide his extramarital, your spouse wants you to confuse you. So he showers you with expensive gifts, candle light dinners at fine dining restaurants thinking that you will never get any clue about his relationship outside of marriage and infidelity” (Ibid).

3. He has Suddenly Become Inaccessible.

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Another clue of marital infidelity is when he has suddenly made himself very unavailable. “Whenever at home, he is busy on computer working on some project or report or an urgent presentation. On holidays he doesn’t stay at home because he is attending ‘some training program” or “new skills workshop” or visiting a friend in hospital” (greatlifezone.com).

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4. He Changed His Phone Manners.

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“Have you noticed that your husband now picks up the phone on hearing a short beep? There is a half a smile on his when he is talking to ‘the caller” and he is trying to suppress his happiness and excitement. In your presence the voice conversations are short but chatting is long. He makes sure that after the ‘interaction’ he deletes the ‘history’” (greatlifezone.com).

 5. He Frequently Goes Home Late.

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If your husband is often goes home very late after work without justification is another clue that he has an affair with another woman. “Do you find yourself often going to bed before your partner? If your spouse stays up a lot when everyone else has gone to bed, it could mean he is doing things online that he’d rather keep private. Of course, it could just be he’s working or needs his privacy, just make sure not to take this possible warning sign for granted”(ph.theasianparent.com).

6. He Becomes Intensely Secretive about Gadgets

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Husbands who are unfaithful always hide from their wives the lines of communication with their mistresses. “Multiple passwords or lock codes on his phone, laptop, and social media accounts is a definitely a common red flag. Though we are all entitled to some privacy, a person who has nothing to hide will be fine with sharing access to these when asked” (ph.theasianparent.com).

7. He Becomes Emotionally Distant.

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The sudden change of his attitude to you, especially if he becomes emotionally distant to you without a valid reason, can be a major clue that he has lost interest in you because of another woman. In this case, he no longer opens up about his day or his feelings. Even during fights, he is no longer invested enough to argue or talk it out (ph.theasianparent.com).

References

greatlifezone.com (n.d.) “Top Signs Your Partner  is Having Extramarital Affair”. Retrieved from http://greatlifezone.com/top-signs-your-partner-is-having-extramarital-affair/.

phtheasianparent.com (n.d.). “10 Signs Your Husband is Cheating, According to former Mistress”. The Asia Parent, Philippines. Retrieved from https://ph.theasianparent.com/signs-your-husband-cheating-according-to-mistress/.

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Is It Easy to Maintain a Long-Distance Love?

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The great Benjamin Franklin once said that “Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

Research studies showed that geographical proximity is a major factor that causes people to fall in love and deepen their romantic relationship. Distance matters in a relationship. The closer the person to his or her crush the higher is the probability of establishing a romantic relationship.

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Proximity in distance due to similarity of jobs, schools, religion, church, or group affiliation can facilitate frequent face-to-face social interactions that provide more opportunities for people to fall in love. Physical closeness of people is the main reason why research studies showed that many married couples are either office mates, classmates, schoolmates, or members of the same group or organization. Therefore one would wonder whether a long-distance relationship of romantic partners can end up in marriage if the couple is separated by long distances that minimize face-to-face interactions. The following case will illustrate how an intimate relationship became problematic due to physical separation of the romantic couple:

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“My girlfriend and I have been in a committed and long distance relationship… Despite all the ups and downs, we’ve managed to make it a year. Lately, I’ve found out she’s falling out of love? She’s still with me but I could feel her going numb. It’s killing me as I love her to death, I do the extra mile for her, be there for her all the time, write poems, buy her flowers, make her little cute videos…I genuinely love her and I know she loves me too… But her falling out is killing it all….” [1]

The Limits of Digital and Electronic Communication 

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It’s easier to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship today than 20 years ago because of digital technology and the Internet.  But generally, it is easier to maintain a short-distance relationship than a long-distance one especially when there is a problem in communication. I know one couple who became separated when the boyfriend migrated to a far country because he was petitioned by his parents as a permanent resident, together with his father and other siblings. Although he regularly communicated with his girlfriend through the social media and the smart phone, the physical separation seems very painful for both, especially to the girlfriend. Thus, after around 7 or 8 months abroad, he took a leave from his work and went back home to see his girlfriend despite the expensive airfare he has to shoulder.

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Digital communication could not really substitute physical presence in a romantic or marital relationship. Intimacy requires face-to-face interaction. Although digital or electronic technologies offer instant text messaging, chatting, or video conferencing, they could not fully satisfy the human need for touch or personal and sexual intimacy for  couples and romantic partners to deepen their relationship. Long distance relationship is, therefore, difficult to maintain especially if both partners or spouses do not believe in some higher or spiritual values that can cement their commitment for each other and if one or both partners do not encounter exciting people or encounter serious conflicts in the relationship that would tempt them to abandon their original partnership.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

References

[1]“I Love My Girlfriend” by h4n5dj22 in www.experienceproject.com

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How to Overcome Societal Traps

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Once we are born in the material world and become members of society, we are thrown into a sea of social norms. These norms can be laws, rules, regulations, customs, traditions, and other forms of behavioral regimes. Social norms when effectively enforced can be coercive to people. Each norm carries with its sanction and punishment. This sanction can be psychological such as ostracism, rumors, and gossip, public shaming, etc. or penal in nature such as imprisonment, suspension, banishment, or paying off fines. Norms limit our freedom and action in society. They also structure our mental life and thinking. If caught by authorities violating them, we can be trapped in society for life.

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One story that struck me in a documentary shown in a local television is the story of a homeless Filipino migrant in the United States. He said before he became homeless, he lived a happy family life with his wife and children. But this happiness was overturned when his wife filed a divorce. The law on alimony in San Francisco requires a husband who divorced his wife to pay 70% of his monthly income as a support to his wife and children. According to him, this has radically changed his life. He was unable to keep up with the payments and incurred debts from the government. Thus, he lost his job and left his normal life and became homeless. He can’t return back to his old life since this implies paying his huge debts and finding a high-paying job. His story is an example of a societal trap in the material world that people may sometimes find themselves imprisoned, unable to free themselves from material bondage for violating societal norms. For people who live without a spirituality and life of prayer, to live a societal trap is probably the end of the road. It can be a life of boredom, without meaning, progress, and hope.

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Material bondage is not an end, however, for people with a deep sense of spirituality, particularly for those with strong beliefs in the supernatural or God. Religiosity can provide people with a sense of meaning and purpose which can “empower” and provide them with a sense of control in the face of potentially stressful events (Hood 1974; Matton & Rappaport 1983). Spirituality can give us resilience and courage to face difficult situations in life. Thus, one secret to transcending the limitations of our material limitations is searching of an appropriate spirituality that fits one’s ultimate goals in life. Searching for ultimate values and meaning of life is the key to purpose-driven life that transcends the material world. This is not escapism but an acknowledgment that there is more what the material world can offer.

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Photo credit: “silhouette of a woman walking thoughtfully at sunset” (celestinevision.com)

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

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5 Deadly Differences that Can End a Marriage

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Marriage is cross-cultural. It is not only a union of persons but a union of cultures or way of life of two people who have different cultural upbringing or socialization. It is expected that conflicts and tensions can occur during the marriage. But there are certain differences which can threaten a marital commitment. The following are some of the deadly differences that can end a marriage:

1. Different Schedules

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If your work schedules are completely incompatible, that can make being in a relationship together pretty tricky. Different work schedules can greatly affect their relationship and intimacy.  This incompatibility in schedules can be noted among couples who are busy in their work, business, and career. Celebrity couples, for instance, who are busy with their own schedules in shooting and post-production promotion of their latest movies and gigs that they seldom find time to maintain and nourish their relationships. This is not to say early birds and night owls can’t make it work, but major differences in how two people operate day-to-day can create major date scheduling challenges and prevent momentum from being that wind behind your backs.

2. Different Relaxation Styles.

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If two people have completely different relaxation styles, it will be very challenging to make a relationship work.”Based on how someone likes to spend their weekend, I mentally put people into two different categories: ‘activities person’ or ‘homebody. Activities persons want to spend their relaxation by doing relaxing tasks such as swimming, drinking, camping, or doing some sports activities outdoor. Homebody persons feel more relaxed by resting or doing something worthwhile inside the home or indoor. This incompatibility in relaxation can lead to some frictions and stress in the marital relationship which can threaten the stability of the marital union.

3. Different Eating Habits

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“This can extend to physical activity as well. For instance, if one partner enjoys working out and eating healthy and the other partner isn’t as interested in this lifestyle, it can be incredibly frustrating for both parties.” If one partner is a vegetarian and the other is a “meat eater” can be a dangerous combination. There is always an argument or friction every time they dine together because of their differences in the choice of food.

“While you and your partner don’t have to be at the same level of fitness, share the same interests (maybe you like running marathons and they prefer to lift weights), or eat the exact same way, it’s important to at least have some commonalities when it comes to your health and lifestyle.”

4. Different Levels of Intelligence

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Similar levels of intelligence can dictate whether a relationship will work out or not. Intelligence can mean a general curiosity or interest in learning to better oneself, education or a college degree(s), or emotional intelligence. If you are on completely opposite sides of the spectrum, the relationship likely won’t work.

5. Different Ways of Expressing Emotions

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Differences in expressing emotions due to differences of personalities and social upbringing of couples can a deadly path towards a breakup or dire in marriage. A marital commitment is based on a constant negotiation between partners to maintain their relationship. This implies diplomacy, openness, and compromise to settle a dispute or marital conflict. But if one of the partners is more aggressive in expressing their emotions, especially anger, and the other would not give in, then the marital union can be in danger, particularly if the quarrel is persisting. In this case, a mature third party such as a counselor or common friend, would act as a referee or mediator can be desirable to avoid a breakup or separation.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Fellizar, K. “The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers”. Bustle.com. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/the-15-incompatible-qualities-that-end-relationships-according-to-matchmakers-8102682.

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10 Top Signs of Women Falling in Love

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1. Seductive Eye Contact 

(She looks at him once in a while, looks into his eyes, looks at him often, looks long, etc.) 

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If the woman continuously looking at a man and not the room or surrounding, it is a sign that she is interested in him. She can also show her special affection for him by occasionally glancing at him, especially if he is not looking at her. If the man is observant and sensitive enough of this nonverbal sign of attraction, then he can sense that somebody is seducing him through her eye contact.

The eyes are said to be the windows of the soul. The movements of the eyes are loaded with meanings and clues to the internal disposition of the person. One can sense if a person is sad, happy, afraid, or falling in love through his/her eyes. Most surveys on which body part is the sexiest for men and women revealed that the eyes are considered the sexiest of all body parts of both genders. The movements of the eyes of the person can convey romantic and sexual meanings for the other.

2. Seductive Eye contact with other Nonverbal Facial Expressions 

(She looks at the man in a seductive way, ogle, wink, smile at, smile in a friendly way, smile sweetly at, etc. )

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Showing seductive eyes implies that the woman is interested in a particular man. The eyes are the most expressive body part that provides a crucial clue whether the woman has a special interest to the opposite sex. A woman who likes a particular person usually look, ogle, or wink with a sweet smile to him. A seductive glance with a smile or other facial expression is different with an ordinary disinterested look. An observant and sensitive guy can tell whether a woman has a special concern for him or not by just observing a woman’s seductive look and facial expression.

3. Moving Closer to the Guy:

(She stands or sits close to him, walk by, stay near him, etc.)

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Physical distance has a social meaning in a relationship. The distance between two people implies the degree of intimacy. If a woman is too far from the man, it implies an absence or lack of connection or intimacy between. But if a woman is moving closer to a man by approaching, standing or sitting near him, it implies that she wants to know more about him and to have some intimacy with him.

4. Approaching  and Starting to Talk to the Man:

(She walks to him and begin a speech, go next to him in a bar or coffee shop and say something, etc. )

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Some aggressive women do not only go near to the persons that attract them but also try to make initial and indirect verbal moves to connect with them. They sometimes walk to them or go next to them in a bar or coffee shop and start conversing with them informally. Their aura is usually friendly and their interest is shown in the sweet smiles on their faces.

5. Talking to Guy about Issues of General Interest:

(She makes a joke, begins a conversation, saying something witty to him, asking a question, making a remark, etc.)

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To get the attention of the guy, the interested woman would sometimes approach him and start a light conversation, say something witty, ask a question, or make a remark, especially if the initial encounter was already established. This is an indirect way of inviting her man to a romantic relationship. It all depends on the guy whether he too is interested and would accept these initial moves of wooing.

6. Talking Directly to the Guy:

(She makes a compliment, says she likes him, offers him a drink, says directly what she thinks of him, invites him to dance, etc. )

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If some women want to ensure that their seductions and nonverbal signs of interest are noticed, they usually approach their targets directly and say something nice about them, offer some drinks, or invite them to a dance.

7. Talking Indirectly to the Guy, Apparently in a  Functional Way:

(She asks what time it is, ask for a light, ask for a coin for the telephone, ask for a cigarette, etc.) 

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To get the attention of the men they are interested in, some women would approach their targets and ask them in a functional way for some things to be noticed. They would, for instance, ask the women about the time of the day, ask for a light or help in some mobile phone problems, a cigarette, etc.

8. Approaching the Guy through a Third Person:

(She approaches him through a friend, she walks by and talks to another person, etc.)

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Women would sometimes use a “go-between” or a common friend just to get in touch with their targets. A woman, for instance, would ask a friend in a gathering about the next guy on the table, etc. She can make a whisper to her friend and look seductively on the guy.

9. Paying Special Attention to Him:

(She listens to him with amusement, she’s attentive, asks interesting questions, be nice, pay attention to him, etc. )

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A woman signals her interest to a guy by being extra interested with what he is doing. She asks questions in a nice on his latest project, hobby, sport, etc. She also follows him in the social media or anything he is active online.

10. Showing Some of Her Physical Features:

(She shows her sexy body or any body part to her crush)

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Showing some sexy body parts is another strategy of women who fall in love with their men. This is a more direct nonverbal sign to invite men to approach and make a connection with the seducing females. This can be an effective strategy since men, in general, can easily be attracted physically to women.

GIF credits: Giphy.com

References

De Weerth, C. & Kalma, A. (1995). Gender Differences in Awareness of Courtship Initiation Tactics. Sex Roles. Vol. 32, Nos. 11/12, 1995.

________”Spot the Signs to Know that a Woman is Seducing You”Men’s Corner Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.ayushveda.com/mens-magazine/spot-the-signs-to-know-a-woman-is-seducing-you/.