If your boyfriend stops calling or texting you regularly the way he used to do, then his interest in your relationship has gone cold. A guy who truly loves you will always find ways to contact you no matter how busy he is with his job or work.
2. He Flirts with Other Women In Front Of You
Flirting with other women in front of you is a sure sign that he has lost interest in you, or he is indeed a playboy who is incapable of bringing you to the altar. Why would he flirt other women if he is really serious in your relationship and intending to marry you in the future.
3. His Body Language Changes Around You
“When a guy likes you, he might not say so directly, but his body language will. He’ll lean towards you to build intimacy, face his body towards you in group situations, and find reasons to touch your shoulder or arm (like when he makes you laugh)” (Bastion).
If your boyfriend is no longer as sweet and caring as he used to be, then he probably lost his interest in you. It’s a sign that you need to move on and find another suitable partner.
4. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Like He Used To
Romantic relationships call for intimacy and mutual care on a regular basis. This entails every partner to provide special attention to your loved one. If your boyfriend is no longer giving you the special attention he used to give you when you started the relationship, then it’s a sign that he is no longer interested in you. Watch out for inconsistencies of what he says and what he does. If he says that “I will never, ever love somebody more than I love you” but starts to take you for granted, then it’s time to find another guy until you’ll find your match and get engaged.
5. You Always Have To Text And Call Him First
You will know that your man is no longer interested in you always have to text and call him instead he taking the initiative to contact you. In this case, he maybe busy with other things or maybe having other relationships with other girls. A guy who is truly in love with you would make sure to contact you no matter how busy he is! A change in pattern in your communication is a biggest sign that he is gradually abandoning you!
6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous If You Mention Seeing Someone
Jealousy is not always a negative reaction. Being jealous can be just a way to guard the exclusive relationship from intruders. If your boyfriend is jealous when you mention that you’re seeing someone is just a normal reaction, and a precaution for him that you might get tempted to entertain other relationship. Romantic relationship is basically dyad or pair with 2 people falling in love, not triad or any form of polygamous union. So, if your guy is not jealous even if you mentioned positive traits of the person you met, then this can be a sign that he doesn’t care because he loses interest in your relationship.
GIF Credits: Giphy.com
Bastion, N. (n.d.). “The Top 10 Signs a Guy Ins’t Interested in You Anymore”. Retrieved http://www.vixendaily.com/love/top-10-signs-a-guy-isnt-interested-in-you-anymore/
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Do we really know where we are going to in life? The following lines of the song of Diana Ross entitled “Do You Know Where You’re Going To” are loaded with philosophical and sociological meanings that can challenge us to find the ultimate meaning and happiness of our life:
“Do you know where you’re going to,
Do you like the things that life is showing you,
Where are you going to,’
Do you know?…”
Happiness Depends on Our Ultimate Life Goal
Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
We only live once in this world. As rational beings, we are creators of meaning. What makes our life meaningful would depend on our ultimate goal. The primary goal we envision for our life is what basically guides us in our daily living. Its achievement can ultimately make us happy. The quality of our happiness would fundamentally depend on this life goal. If our supreme purpose is to seek wealth, then our happiness would consist of gaining profit in our investments, increasing savings, achieving dominance in the market, creating new breakthroughs in business innovation, etc. If our ultimate purpose is to chase pleasure in food, sex, alcohol, or other forms of addictions, then our happiness will be enjoying and prolonging pleasure in our bodily senses. If our basic aim is to love God by serving others, then happiness would be spiritual consolation and the joy of serving God’s poor and underprivileged. If our aim is to change society according to our ideology or political beliefs, by fighting oppressive social structures and regimes, then our primary happiness would consist of personal joy of seeing that some of our reforms are realized in society. In short, our ultimate life goal can define the quality of our happiness.
Our view and enjoyment of happiness, however, can change through time. We are historical beings. Our ultimate life goal change as we continually search for the true meaning and value of life. That is why we hear conversion stories of people who have found their true meaning of life and change their original life goals. St. Augustine of Hippo, for instance, was a true sinner and womanizer before his conversion to Catholicism. But after he found Christ in the Gospels as the true meaning of his life, his personal life radically changed, from being a pleasure seeker to being an avid servant of Christ and a great theologian of the Catholic Church. In his famous book, The Confessions, St. Augustine declared the basic orientation of his life: “My heart is restless until it rests in you, O Lord!”
Happiness as Cultural
People from various walks of life can have different goals and philosophies in life. Thus, one may inquire: Which ultimate goals in life are “superior” or more sublime than others? Is serving God or humanity a superior goal and object of happiness in life than seeking pleasure, chasing wealth, fighting for social reforms or some other noble or religious purposes?
Photo: “Sunset” by the author
Well, the unintended consequence of becoming human is to be born in a particular set of parents and community and to grow up in a particular culture. We neither choose where we must be born nor control how we should be brought up as a human being in society by our parents or guardians during our formative years i.e., from infanthood to early adolescence, which is said to be crucial for our personality formation. Social scientists believe that each culture is as good as the other. Thus, there is no “inferior” culture and cultural conception of what constitutes a meaningful life. Culture plays an important role in constituting one’s ultimate goal in life. If one is brought in a capitalist culture which puts more value on material prosperity rather than spiritual pursuit, he or she would more likely see the ultimate goal of his or her life in terms of material pursuit rather than in terms of service and growth in holiness. If one is born in a primitive society and culture where following tradition and communal goals supersedes personal ambitions, then the individual life goals would more likely reflect the collective goals. If one is born in a criminal sub-culture where people in the neighborhood are members of criminal syndicates and often talk of deviant techniques and criminal exploits, then expect the members of this neighborhood to pursue criminal careers and see prosperity through crime as the ultimate purpose in life. Unless there is external intervention or socialization on non-criminal or religious pursuits, individuals within this subculture could never be converted to other forms of lifestyle and non-criminal worldviews. Thus, it is crucial for individuals to think outside the box and explore other worldviews through education to go beyond the limitations of one’s sub-culture in understanding the ultimate purpose of life. Some people change their worldviews and goals in life by mere reading of books. St. Ignatius of Loyola, for example, was converted from a hedonist soldier to a spiritual mystic and founder of the Society of Jesus, the largest religious orders of priests and brothers in the Catholic Church, by accidentally reading the book of the saints while recuperating from a serious wound in a castle in Spain and asking himself: If the saints can do great things for Christ, why can’t I?
A sense of humor makes men attractive to women. Being able to laugh at the stresses of this world is a must, according to 77 percent of the women in one study. Men get bonus points if they can make women laugh. Humor tells a woman that you can laugh at the many difficulties that life throws at you.
Moreover, some studies showed that women typically choose better-looking guys for flings, not long-term relationships. Men with strong sense of humor may not necessarily be attractive. They also showed that women love men who make them smile and laugh, especially during times of stress and problems.
A worldly, interesting man is a man 55 percent of women like to show off. Men who are problem solvers make women feel secure, and men who are always improving are never boring.
A man who feels secure in his own skin makes the woman he’s with feel secure, according to 41 percent of women in one research study. By showing men can handle unfamiliar people or situations, they tell women in their life that they need not fear, either.
4. With High Earning Potential
One in five women surveyed in one study said a man’s success in his career contributes to his sexiness. If you’ve demonstrated talent, goal achievement, and follow-through, you give women confidence that you will be a good provider.
5. With Great Ambition
Men with great ambition in life is attractive to women. The ambition of achieving higher social status and social class in society can impress women who want their men to be successful. “Not ambition in the sense that you knock other people down to build yourself up, but in the fact that you will work hard to get what you want and help others to do the same thing” (Jordan).
6. Passionate About Life
Women love men who are passionate in whatever they do in life. They also love men who live in the moment and enjoy life every day. It’s not about the destination, but about the journey in life that women expect from their male partners.
Women are attracted to brave men who can face difficult situations with confidence. Being brave, alert in emergency situations, is very attractive to women and indicates that they can protect them from all types of danger.
If men are famous, then by definition a lot of people know them. If a lot of people know them, they are therefore important. Being important is very attractive to women. Popularity and achievement are attractive for female partners. Women want their men to be achievers, innovative, and leaders in their chosen fields.
Being famous men implies more social connection, prestige, and honor for their women. Popularity is an indicator of social status, one of the main sources of power in society, together with social class.
GIF Credits: Giphy.com
Calo, C. (n.d.). the 100 Top Things that Attract Women to Men.Way Too Social. Retrieved from https://www.waytoosocial.com/top-100-things-that-attract-women-to-men/.
Jones, L. (17 April 2018). Top 20 Traits Women Want in a Man. Men’shealth. Retrieved from https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19535604/top-20-traits-she-wants/.
Jordan, S. (n.d.). 7 Qualities Women Find Attractive in Men. Lifehack. Retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/7-qualities-women-find-attractive-men.html.
Which comes first as an effective strategy to establish a romantic ties with the person that one loves?
The guy must first befriend the girl and then court her after she has shown enough trust to him? Or the guy must first directly court the girl and when she accepts the proposal, he could start establishing trust and friendship with her?
This can create a dilemma. If the guy uses the first approach of befriending the girl first before courting her, the latter might think that he is taking advantage of the friendship.
But if the guy directly courts the girl without first knowing and befriending her, the latter would think that the former is more interested with sex or playing “fresh” as he doesn’t bother to befriend her first to know her more in the personal level. Friendship is an important foundation of a mature romantic love.
It can happen that a great friendship between a man and a woman is destroyed because one of the partners put romantic meaning into their relationship. But it can also happen in the opposite direction–that a genuine friendship between two people can blossom into a romantic relationship. There is really no assurance or sure formula which one should a person begin in the process of courtship if women do not show signs of nonverbal signs that they want to be courted by men. Thus, one wonders how romance could be established: A man must first Initiate friendship with the other and then proceed to courtship, or he must first directly proceed to courtship and then develop friendship with the other after a romantic relationship is established.
If one is beginning to feel the tingle of attraction in a platonic friendship, how should he or she explore the possibility that his or her romantic feelings with the other might be reciprocated? After all, a relationship of compatibility and trust can serve as a strong foundation for romance. But how does one partner make a move to express his or her romantic feelings to the other without sinking the friendship?
To decide which approach a guy will pursue to woo a girl is not easy. It depends on different social and cultural factors. He must first do some background check in order to know the preference of the girl, whether she prefers courtship or friendship first, and thus avoid missteps and win the girl he loves.
The Story of Best Friends Who Became Lovers
Read the amazing story of Ravi and Anju. They were first best friends since childhood. But later on they became lovers:
“We are at the Coffee Shop sitting opposite to each other, it is like any other day but still it is special, moreover it is different and a bit awkward. I and Ravi have been best friends since we were in fifth grade. We two never felt the need of anyone else, rather no one felt comfortable enough when we were together. We always had our secret jokes and we preferred to keep them secret. Because some jokes when explained loses its essence. It’s roughly been 8 years of our friendship and we realized that we always come back to each other even though we were dating others. Probably because I know that no one understands me better than Ravi, perhaps he feels the same…
And we decided to go on a date the next day. And first time in my life was I concerned on how I look, how I dress up while I am going out with Ravi. And yes the funny part is I wore makeup, I dabbed my sister’s red lipstick, applied some mascara, blushed my cheeks in a pink shade. I was uneasy but that’s what dates are, present yourself in a way you are not. I wore my sister’s black short lace dress with 3/4 sleeves and wore my red pumps (yes I only wear them on parties and dates). When I reached, he was already there (he usually is late) and that was the first reminder, that we are on a date. He stood up to greet me, and I caught the surprise in his eyes. He was surprised to see me in a short dress and makeup, probably because I always wear jeans and no makeup. I smiled and sat down, yes I now realize I overdid things, it was just another day, but he too wore a leather jacket, which seems brand new. And I could feel the nervousness in his air, maybe a reflection of what I am feeling. We ordered our cappuccinos and two grilled chicken sandwiches, our favorite meal. I wonder if I have to eat with a fork, but I prefer eating a sandwich with my hands. We sat quiet, he was intently looking at me, observing me, I was absorbed in his gaze, and I felt hesitant. My shoulders shrunk, and I hoped that the ground would absorb me, I felt like a fool to dress up like a bimbo, hmph.
He finally said “You looking very pretty, how come I haven’t seen you like this before?”
“It’s Pari’s dress, and I am wearing a makeup”and it feels disgusting “Yeah I can see that, and it looks lovely, you look like a glam girl”
“yeah right, would you stop teasing me? I know I look weird, I shouldn’t have tried this.”
And he suddenly held my hand and said “You look lovely Anju, I feel like a douche to not have seen your beauty before, I have always loved you as a best friend, lately I felt much more than friendship, so I talked you into this date proposal, and I am flushed by your beauty, why do you hide it?”
“I don’t hide it, it’s just not me”
“It is you, the dress isn’t yours but can be yours, every girl wears makeup, so it is you, and there is no harm in glamorizing yourself”
“I feel spurious”
“You aren’t fake, you are the same girl I had always liked to be with”
And suddenly I went silent and recalled our conversation in my head, and boom! He confessed he is feeling more than friendship for me lately…
I could only flush crimson, and I was short of words, what I instead did was hold his hand in confirmation to what he has just said. And he punched my left arm by his right arm hinting we still would be best friends apart from being lovers, and we laughed.
To have a best friend and a lover is great, but to have that one person as a best friend and a lover is amazing” (Mudhesh, 22April, 2014).
Photo credit: Pixabay.com, Pexels.com
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Patrick, W (30 July 2017). From Friendship to Courtship: How Friends Fall in Love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201707/friendship-courtship-how-friends-fall-in-love.
Mudhesh, F. (22 April 2014). Short story – From Best Friends To Lovers. Retrieved from https://helpalittle.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/short-story-from-best-friends-to-lovers/
Is there more that meets the eye? Is there a life beyond the material world?
There has always been a debate on the existence and relationship between the two dimensions of life: the spiritual and the material. For Christians, the material dimension is not the ultimate meaning and purpose of life. Christ said: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul?” (Matt. 16:26). The Beatitudes also warn Christians that the poor in spirit are blessed by God, implying that accumulation of wealth can be dangerous to people’s salvation. A true Christian must be detached from material wealth and spiritually attached to God. But does this mean that one must be materially poor to be closer to God?
The word “detachment” from material wealth does not mean material deprivation. Material detachment is an attitude in life that sees wealth as a means to an end rather than an end in itself as many materialists and hedonists would believe. A person can detach from material things if his or her ultimate meaning or goal in life transcends the worldly life and anticipate the coming of the afterlife.
The German sociologist Max Weber made an interesting study on the connection between religion and capitalism. To him, what drives the Protestant capitalists (especially Calvinists) in Europe in expanding their businesses is not pleasure or mere accumulation of wealth for fame or honor, but spirituality: becoming wealthy is a sign of God’s blessing and being predestined to be saved by God in the next life. The Calvinist Protestant theology that guides the spirituality of these capitalists views capital accumulation as means to an end. Thus, Protestant capitalists, Weber discovered, were frugal, determined to expand their business empires since they see the connection between accumulation of capital and salvation.
Whether we believe it or not, life has two dimensions: the material and the spiritual, the real and the ideal. Life is more than we eat. That is why religions are born to give meaning to the great tragedies and mysteries in life, such as death, oppression, or exploitation, and to the realization that there is more that meets the eye, that there is a reality “out there” beyond human experience.
Some people who believe in the afterlife theorize that our mind and memories continue to exist after death. Our mind is said to be a repository and recorder of our all experiences while we still live here on earth. To George Mead, our mind is a social product. What is registered there reflects our human experiences. The power of our mind is confirmed by the near-death stories of patients who briefly died but were able to revive, confirming that our minds are still active while our bodies are in coma or being declared clinically dead for a short while. If our mind is a recorder and continues to exist after death, we can hypothesize then that we can take a glance and review our entire life after death. We can then take a panoramic view of the quality of our entire life after death through our memories and consider it as one big dream.
What brings more happiness to our consciousness during this life review after death is probably not the wealth we have accumulated nor the fame and status we achieved in life as they are part of our past material life but the spiritual realities of joy and loving memories we have had with our loved ones, with people we sincerely helped, and with our God. Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, who has achieved the pinnacle of success in the world of technology, business, and innovation, allegedly mentioned during his dying moments that what matters most in life is not wealth which can turn a person a “twisted being” but matters unrelated to wealth and memories precipitated by love:
… In the darkness, I look at the green
lights from the life supporting
machines and hear the humming
mechanical sounds, I can feel the
breath of god of death drawing
Now I know, when we have
accumulated sufficient wealth to last
our lifetime, we should pursue other
matters that are unrelated to wealth…
Should be something that is more
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art,
perhaps a dream from younger days.
Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only
turn a person into a twisted being, just
God gave us the sense to let us feel
the love in everyone’s heart, not the
illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I
cannot bring with me. What I can bring
is only the memories precipitated by love.
Whether these words were indeed uttered by Jobs or not, they, nevertheless, contain wisdom and insight on the limits of our physicality and material happiness.
GIF Creditsas: Giphy.com
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