When Love Runs Dry and No One Else to Turn to…

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         Hello to all my friends, followers, and subscribers of this blog! Thanks for your usual support, particularly for your views and likes this week! I am wishing you all the best to your plans, activities, and endeavors today!

       This post will be all about incompatibilities, insincerity, and lack of options in relationships. It also tries to describe and differentiate true love from deceptive one.  Love can mean different things to various groups of people. But many contemporary urban societies enamored with the idea of romantic love, a true love is said to be a mutual self-giving that is sincere  and based on trust, accepting the other no matter who he or she is!

Incompatibilities in Relationships are Facts of Life

           Couples always wish that their relationships should develop smoothly as they want them to be. But not all lovers can be sincere at all times. Sometimes, it is the social situations that will make them dishonest because of unmet needs. Partners can also have different motives on why they enter into loving relationships. As many sociologists would say: “Things are not what they seem!” What we externally see maybe not be the truth if we investigate further people’s motives. Some couples may appear to be loving and sweet in public, but deep inside their hearts are full of pain and hurts because of incompatibilities in personalities, views, beliefs, tastes, and personal values they experience daily in their union.

        Well, couples can’t  really avoid conflicts and incompatibilities in relationship. Social scientists believe that romantic or marital relationships are always cross-cultural. Every partner has his or her own cultural orientation and social upbringing which can lead to various forms of conflicts in the relationship. Cultural and personal differences are facts of life. No two people are identical. Each social situation and people’s reactions to it are unique. Even identical twins are culturally different.

         What is important is not how we avoid incompatibilities in a loving relationship, but how we understand them empirically and deal with them effectively in order to maintain the relationship. Many divorce cases occur because many couples wish that the irreconcilable incompatibilities should not have been there in the relationship. They expect marriages to be made in heaven. Thus, they give up finding creative ways to continue their loving relationships when their love runs dry because of irreconcilable differences.

         Experts believe that every loving relationship undergoes different stages. Dr. Jed Diamond  of the website “Menalive.com” identified 5 stages  of love. And it is often stage 3  or the period of discovery and disillusionment that causes break-ups and separations among couples. This is the stage when the love of couples runs dry and undergoes serious challenge:

Stage 1: Falling In Love
Stage 2: Becoming a Couple
Stage 3: Disillusionment
Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love
Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

           During the courtship or honeymoon phase or Stage 1, partners and spouses can be full of infatuation and romantic love. But as time goes by and partners become familiar with one another during the discovery or disillusionment phase or Stage 3, conflict, abuse, misunderstanding can arise and ultimately challenge the relationship. Experts say that this stage is the most difficult phase in a relationship. If one partner cannot accept the limitation of the other or whatever incompatibility they have in the union, frustrations, pains, and conflicts, can eventually ruin the commitment.  Overcoming Stage 3 is crucial in a relationship since the next stage is creating true and lasting love. True love would only occur if the couple can accept each other’s weakness and limitations, saying: “I love because you’re you” as the song goes!

          But not all relationships are meant to last because the some motives of one or both partners are deceptive. One partner maybe using the other to pursue his or her personal agenda. Despite this, there are still people who allow a manipulative type of love and tolerate their partners’s abuse, most probably because of their lack of options to find financial support or other partners if they leave the relationship. This particularly true for people who deliberately stayed with abusive partners due to social pressure, advanced age, and lack of education or career. A person who is single with mature age or a young person who is pressured by his or her peer group or relatives to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse may cling to an unhealthy or one-sided romantic love because of loyalty.

     As the following lyrics of the song “I can’t live without you” by the Bad Company illustrate:

The first time you deceived me, it nearly broke my heart
What hurts me most was I’m the last to know
So lately I’ve been thinking, thinking ’bout you
I know deep in my heart you had to go

Last night when I told you, you looked into my eyes
A wicked smile just spread across your face
You know I can’t resist you, no matter what you do
The way you treat me babe, it’s a disgrace

True Love

      According to the great Winston Churchill, an “[i]mmature love says, I love you because I need you, mature love says, I need you because I love you.” A true and mature romantic relationship does not use the other for selfish reasons. True love allows both partners to grow as persons and does not manipulate or use the other.

      But not all romantic relationships can blossom into real love. Because of some psychological issues faced by people in romantic love as well as incompatibilities in terms of personal trait and character between lovers, the initial feeling of love or infatuation can turn into an “unhealthy” romantic relationship. People who experience this type of love are advised to leave the relationship and move on to search their true love.

            Here’s an example of a one-sided and unhealthy types of romantic relationship. The lack of option is one important reason why people stay in a one-sided love affair. Obviously, this type of romance is not true love:

     “I don’t really know if I can call it love but I really care for this guy in my college. I had always been a reserved, socially awkward individual. I never really dated any guy in my school years because I couldn’t even look in the eyes of a man without blushing!…However, I am a changed person today—more confident, smart, straight forward and honest. This guy in my college was the FIRST guy who told me “I am falling for you”. He told me he thought I was beautiful. It took over a month to finally tell him a yes because I was afraid if he would hurt my feeble heart. The thing about me is that if I love, I love unconditionally….And so we spend a lot of time together and during one of our conversations he told me about his psychological condition—he had split personality, was a socially disconnected individual and couldn’t handle relationships. He told me about how his “falling in love” phase lasted only for hours to a few days…But the more I knew about his flaws, the more I loved him.

       Over time, I empathized so much with him that I ended up mirroring his emotions and his personality…I also realized that the only reason he sticks around with me is because 1) I am regular at work and is a good student at college. Hence, I can inform him of assignments to be submitted and college holidays. 2) He said he can’t afford a girlfriend at the moment and I am available at a ‘cheaper price’ and mostly free because I don’t demand for anything. 3) I am a girl and he is a guy and he can satisfy his ‘needs’….

         No! This is certainly not the way I wanted a man to love me. But I continued to remain in this one-sided, broken relationship in the craving and greed for the temporary happiness I gained when I was with him. I’ve lost all my self-respect; I have begun to value him more than I value myself. I know this isn’t good but I just can’t get over him and I just don’t seem to find the true love I have looking for my entire 19 years.

         Love and intimacy go hand in hand in romantic love. But these things must be felt by both partners. Love is the physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or social affection one person holds for another, while intimacy is the close relationship of two people where mutual acceptance, nurturance, and trust are shared at some level.

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11 Biggest Signs that Women are in Love with Men



Hi to all my friends, followers, subscribers!

In this post, we will identify and describe briefly the popular nonverbal signs and indirect verbal moves by women to show that they want a romantic relationship with some men. Women are actually active in courtship, albeit in an indirect or implicit way, their invitations are primarily done through nonverbal signs or body language.

We have already established in my previous post entitled “4 Top signs about Women and Courtship” that women are not really passive in the process of courtship. In fact, they generally initiate courtship by making the first nonverbal moves to woo their men. Women do implicitly court men through the movements of their eyes, showing of their sexy physical features, providing symbolic actions that suggest they have a crush on certain guys, or indirect verbal moves to show their targets that they want a romantic intimacy with them.


So it is really more of a myth to say that women are completely passive in courtship and that they only respond to men’s initiatives. The common pattern seems to be the other way around. It is the women who first “court” men through nonverbal signs or indirect verbal moves to woo them. Men, in turn, just respond to these initiatives by verbal articulation or proposals to start a romantic union.

Here are  the biggest signs that women are in love with men:

1. Seductive Eye Contact  (She looks at him once in a while, look into his eyes, look at him often, look long, etc.) 


If the woman continuously looking at a man and not the room or surrounding, it is a sign that she is interested on him. She can also show her special affection for him by occasionally glancing at him, especially if the he is not looking at her. If the man is observant and sensitive enough of this nonverbal sign of attraction, then he can sense that somebody is seducing him through her eye contact.

The eyes are said to be the window of the soul. The movements of the eyes are loaded with meanings and clues to the internal disposition of the person. One can sense if a person is sad, happy, afraid, or falling in love through his/her eyes. Most surveys on which body part is the sexiest for men and women revealed that the eyes are considered the sexiest of all body parts of both genders. The movements of the eyes of the person can convey romantic and sexual meanings for the other.

2. Seductive Eye contact with other Nonverbal Facial Expressions  (She looks at the man in a seductive way, ogle, wink, smile at, smile in a friendly way, smile sweetly at, etc. )


Showing seductive eyes implies that the woman is interested to a particular man. The eyes is the most expressive body part that provides a crucial clue whether the woman has a special interest to the opposite sex. A woman who likes a particular person usually look, ogle, or wink with a sweet smile to him. A seductive glance with a smile or other facial expression is different with an ordinary disinterested look. An observant and sensitive guy can tell whether a woman has a special concern for him or not by just observing a woman’s seductive look and facial expression.

3. Moving Closer to the Guy:

(She stands or sits closer to him, walk by, stay near him, etc.)


Physical distance has a social meaning in relationship. Distance between two people implies the degree of intimacy. If a woman is to far from the man, it implies an absence or lack of connection or intimacy between. But if a woman is moving closer to a man  by approaching, standing or sitting near him, it implies that she wants to know more about him and to have some intimacy with him.

4. Approaching  and Starting to Talk to the Man:

(She walks to him and begin a speech, go next to him in bar or coffee shop and say something, etc. )


Some aggressive women do not only go near to the persons that attract them but also try to make initial and indirect verbal moves to connect with them. They sometimes walk to them or go next to them in a bar or coffee shop and start conversing with them informally. Their aura is usually friendly and their interest is shown in the sweet smiles on their faces.

5. Talking to Guy about Issues of General Interest:

(She makes a joke, begins a conversation, saying something witty to him, asking a question, making a remark, etc.)


To get the attention of the guy, the interested woman would sometimes approach him and start a light conversation, say something witty, ask a question, or make a remark, especially if the initial encounter was already established. This is an indirect way of inviting her man to a romantic relationship. It all depends on the guy whether he too is interested and would accept these initial moves of wooing.

6. Talking Directly to the Guy:

(She makes a compliment, says she likes him, offers him a drink, says directly what she thinks of him, invites him to dance, etc. )


If some women want to ensure that their seductions and nonverbal signs of interest are noticed, they usually approach their targets directly and say something nice about them, offer some drinks, or invite them to a dance.

7. Talking Indirectly to the Guy, Apparently in a  Functional Way:

(She asks what time it is, ask for a light, ask for a coin for the telephone, ask for a cigarette, etc.) 


To get the attention of the men they are interested with, some women would approach their targets and ask them in a functional way for some things to be noticed. They would, for instance, ask the women about the time of the day, ask for a light or help in some mobile phone problems, a cigarette, etc.

8. Approaching the Guy through a Third Person:

(She approaches him through a friend, she walks by and talks to another person, etc.)


Women would sometimes use a “go-between” or a common friend just to get in touch with their targets. A woman, for instance, would ask a friend in a gathering about the next guy on the table, etc. She can make a whisper to her friend and look seductively on the guy.

9. Paying Special Attention to Him:

(She listens to him with amusement, she’s attentive, asks interested questions, be nice, pay attention to him, etc. )


A woman signals her interest to a guy by being extra interested with what he is doing. She asks questions in a nice on his latest project, hobby, sport, etc. She also follows him in the social media or anything he is active online.

10. Showing Her Interest by Touching:

(She touches herself a lot, touches her man, allows him to touch her)


A man can sense if a woman is interested on him by looking at the body language of the woman. A woman can use her power of touch to seduce her man. And there are 3 types of female seduction by by touching. First, she touches herself a lot. When in front of her man, a woman in love invites him by touching herself a lot while she glances at him in a seductive way. Second, she can show her special interest on him by touching him in a friendly way such as touching his shoulder, hand, or back. Lastly, she express her desire for him by allowing the man to touch her.

11. Showing Some of Her Physical Features:

(She shows her sexy body or any body part to her crush)


Showing some sexy body parts is another strategy of women who fall in love with their men. This is a more direct nonverbal sign to invite men to approach and make connection with the seducing females. This can be a effective strategy since men, in general, can easily be attracted physically to women.

Photo credit for all pictures: Pexels.com free photos


De Weerth, C. & Kalma, A. (1995). Gender Differences in Awareness of Courtship Initiation Tactics. Sex Roles. Vol. 32, Nos. 11/12, 1995.

________”Spot the Signs to Know that a Woman is Seducing You”Men’s Corner Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.ayushveda.com/mens-magazine/spot-the-signs-to-know-a-woman-is-seducing-you/.

Top Areas that Married Couples Argue


Marriage is always inter-cultural. Two individuals who decide to tie the knot in marriage know that each one of them come from a different cultural orientation. Culture is a way of life of a group of people living in a particular locality. Every individual has distinct cultural orientation with regard to beliefs, values, attitudes, practices, and worldviews. Thus when two persons decide to stay together for life in marriage, it is expected that various personal conflicts and differences will arise during the union. Marriage is not only a “bed of roses”, but also a “bed of thorns” that requires daily and lifelong adjustment and negotiation between the husband and the wife to continue the marital commitment until  “death do us part.”

A study by Buss et al. (1990) revealed that cultural differences play an important role  in marital conflict. Research shows that the top 4 sources of conflict and disagreement between married couples are those related to sexual activity, finances, division of labor, and raising of children in the family. According to many research, these 4 areas of marital conflicts are often significantly related to almost all cases of marital problems:

1. Sexual Activity


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Conflicts in sexual activity during marriage occur over initiation of sexual activity, with the female often rejecting male overtures. Males may be more eager for sex with their partner in order to reduce the risk of her impregnation by a rival, or as a side effect of a low threshold for sex in order to maximize fertilization of additional females.

Sexual coercion by any spouse in marital life constitutes another, possibly related source of conflict, usually with the male coercing the female (e.g. Miller, 2000).  One study revealed that conflict in sexual activity in marriage has also been observed to occur over suspected or acknowledged infidelity, and over mate guarding, or jealousy. (Dillion et al., 2014).

2. Money Matters


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Money matters or financial management is also a major area that causes conflict in marriage and can lead to divorce or separation if not handled properly by the couple.

Some researchers have observed that finances on marriage often increase marital conflict and the chance of divorce rises when wives’ income rises (Rogers & DeBoer, 2001). Dew, Britt, and Huston (2012) also found that marital conflict involving finances was the strongest predictor of divorce. Individuals in a family may feel disadvantaged if they do not get to spend as much money as they would like or if the person feels that someone else in the family gets to spend more than they do.

Other researcher indicated that women report that arguments about money last longer and reoccurred more often and husbands report more angry behavior regarding this topic. Disagreements over money are more likely to be handled the wrong way and be unresolved in marital relationships (Papp, Cummings, & Corke-Morey, 2009).

A study by Rogers and DeBoer (2001) revealed that women are happier with their marriage when their income increases, but men are not affected by their wives’ income increase. An increase in income for women is thought to reduce the chance of divorce since an increase of income promotes marital happiness for women.

3. Division of Labor in the Family


The third major source of marital conflict is the division and distribution of labor in the family. The traditional gender always assign the housekeeping chores and child rearing to the wife, while the breadwining role is assigned to the husband.

One study revealed that the distribution of household chores can be a source of conflict for married people and can also be linked to gender inequality (Faulkner, Davey, & Davey, 2005). In our world today, less than 50% of women do not pursue careers in the workplace. But wives who have jobs outside of the home can increase martial conflict as women’s responsibilities include more than just taking care of the home and children (Faulkner, Davey, & Davey, 2005). Although  wives working outside of the home can help improve the couple’s financial situation, it can also increase the wives’ awareness of the problems in a marriage (Amato, 2010). In this case, working wives are pressured to perform the dual roles of doing housekeeping and earning extra income for the family outside the home. This unequal distribution of labor in the family is a major cause of conflict and divorce.

4. Raising Children


Photo credit: mohamed_hassan at Pixabay.com

Raising the children in the family is also a main source of conflict between the husband and the wife. Conflict may arise over the number and spacing of children in some cultures (Mason and Taj, 1987) but not in others (Mason and Smith, 2000). When spouses do disagree on family planning, husbands usually desire more children than wives, consistent with women providing more childcare.

One study revealed that U.S. wives and husbands’ lack of relatives to assist them in marital conflict with regard to children can makes family life difficult because there is an extended family nearby to offer assistance.

Final Words

A relationship with high levels of satisfaction can still end in dissolution if the partners are not committed to their relationship. Couples can still maintain their marital commitment despite various disagreements if they strive to keep the relationship going no matter what circumstances arise. In sociology, marriage is an ongoing negotiation between two people to keep their marital commitment. The success or continuity of the marriage would then depend on the willingness of the husband and wife to dialogue and and accept each other despite their personal and cultural differences. As the song goes,  “I love you because you’re you!” Each spouse must not surrender just because of irreconcilable differences. Conflicts must be seen as a challenge to actualize the marital vows to remain married “until death do us part.”


Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments.
Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 650-666.

Faulkner, R. A., Davey, M., & Davey, A. (2005). Gender-related predictors of change in
marital satisfaction and marital conflict. The American Journal of Family
Therapy, 33, 61-83.

Lisa M. Dillon, L.M. et al (2015). Sources of Marital Conflict in Five Cultures. Evolutionary Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491501300101.
Hamilton, K.A. (2013). The Effects of Marital Conflict and Marital Environment on Change in Marital Status. Thesis. UKnowledge.University of Kentucky. Retrieved fromhttps://uknowledge.uky.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1008&context=hes_etds.
Papp, L. M., Cummings, E. M., & Goeke-Morey, M. C. (2009). For richer, for poorer:
Money as a topic of marital conflict in the home. Family Relations, 58, 91-103.
Rogers, S. J. & DeBoer, D. D. (2001). Changes in wives’ income: Effects on marital
happiness, psychological well-being, and the risk of divorce. Journal of Marriage
and Family, 63, 458-472.
Rusbult, C. E. & Buunk, B. P. (1993). Commitment processes in close relationships: An
interdependent analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10, 175-

The Sociology of an Unrequited Love


        An unrequited love is a type of romantic love that is common among young lovers who misread verbal and nonverbal cues of their beloved and who have yet to learn about their own romantic needs and wants. “Unrequited love is the result of one person deeply wanting an intimate relationship with another who simply is not interested and who does not reciprocate.” Unrequited is often the result of mismatch of personal attributes between two people. One person may find the traits of the other attractive but the latter does not find the former’s physical or personal attitudes worth exploring. Sometimes, this happens in a mismatch in physical qualities. The person pursuing may probably be too “ugly” or “beautiful” for the other or vice versa. Society often expects compatibility. If the girl or wife is beautiful, it also expects that the boy or husband is also attractive or least not within the range of what is culturally acceptable as “beautiful”. If they enter into a romantic relationship despite this incompatibility, one partner may have found a redeeming factor from the “unattractive” partner, probably in terms of social status or wealth. Thus, a beautiful young lady can fall in love with “ugly” old man because of the latter’s wealth and social connections which can provide her with material security and higher social status.

      There was one girl in one college who is madly in love with a guy who does not respond to her initiatives. She sent him gifts and often met him and offered him friendship and warm care. She even went to the extent of becoming a stalker, following him wherever he went. But this one-sided affair did not materialize into a romantic relationship. The guy further ignored this girl and transferred to another school and residence just to avoid her. Unrequited is, indeed, painful to the person falling in love. This could have been avoided if he or she would stop after few attempts to invite the other to enter into a romantic relationship. Of course, this is not easy. The main reason why a person cannot just stop initiating his or her courtship despite being avoided by the other is infatuation, i.e., the strong and irrational feeling of caring and longing for intimacy with the other by the person falling in love with. Infatuation is not easy to stop. Only time can heal it and by distancing oneself completely from things or people who can remind him or her of the person one is falling with.

      But this is not always the case. There are some situations where persistence in courtship pays. Depending on their upbringing with regard to loving and cultural taste, there are some girls who love to be pursued, either as a test to know who among the suitors is serious in his proposal. Others are probably conservative or religious that they go beyond physical traits of their suitors and look for good spiritual values they expect from their partners.

unrequited love.jpg

Photo credit:

1. “Woman Refusing Apologies from her Boyfriend” by David Castillo Dominici (Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

2. lifehack.org



Is Falling in Love Biological or Social?


Have you experienced falling in love? What is it like? Do you it feel natural?

One biological theory suggests that falling in love is like “being drunk.” The love hormone can make people fall in love, making them “drunk” with erotic passion and altruism. Scientists who prescribed to this theory identified the hormone associated with falling in love as oxytocin, a hormone produced in one part of the brain called hypothalamus which is said to be playing a significant role in bonding, falling in love, and making friends.


To some social scientists at the School of Psychology at Birmingham University, the love hormone of oxytocin has an intoxicating effect on lovers similar to alcohol. It relaxes people and removes their social inhibition, anxiety, and fear when falling in love with their partners. It increases their pro-social behavior such as generosity, empathy, and trust and makes them feel more relaxed, happy, and confident in their romantic relationship.


The biological approach to romantic love suggests that falling in love is primarily influenced by people’s biological or physiological make-up and not by the social environment is somehow unacceptable to sociologists. To sociologists, falling in love is basically a socially-learned experience and behavior, determined by societal factors and not merely by hormones. The biological and bodily reactions felt by people when they fall in love are triggered and shaped by cultural forces outside the self.


In the sociology of emotions, for instance, sociologists believe that people’s emotions are determined by society and culture. Thus, people’s deep feelings and emotions of love are primarily a product of cultural and social conditioning. In the same manner, people’s romantic feelings and expressions are learned and shaped by the local culture and not solely by biology. In many primitive societies, for instance, where arranged marriages and betrothals are common cultural practice, romantic love between the bride and groom is not a prerequisite for marriage.


The feeling of falling in love and romance is nonexistent in these societies because there are no romantic things and expectations that can trigger the so-called love hormones and people’s minds are not ideologically conditioned to fall in love. Therefore, the idea that people must fall in love in courtship before marriage is not universal or found in all human societies. In many non-Western societies, couples do not fall in love before marriage. Some couples do not even know each other before the wedding. In these societies, the families and relatives are tasked to find a lifelong partner for their bride or groom and arrange the marriage.


In Southern Philippines, a council of Muslim elders decided the marriage between a young and beautiful 20-year old girl and a 60-year old Moro rebel leader who already had 3 wives. The girl neither personally knew nor met him before their wedding. She only knew him through a photo given to her by the council before the ceremony. Thus, there was no falling in love and romantic love between them before marriage. And the marriage seemed to work well and they were blessed with beautiful kids.


In Bangladesh, the youngest marriage in the world took place without romance and falling in love. According to 2001 Guinness Book of World Records, the youngest marriage involved an eleven-month-old baby boy and a three-month-old girl. The marriage took place in order to end a twenty-year feud between the children’s families (Delaney, 2012). These two cases illustrate that falling in love is not always required before marriage. It is not a natural or biologically-determined behavior such as drinking or eating which can bring death to the couple without it. People will not die without falling in love and romance.


Think of the thousands of celibate Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, and other religious monks and religious who live normal and generous lives despite being unmarried and chaste throughout their life. For sociologists, falling in love and romantic love are social constructions of society that started in the late 18th century in order to preserve the institution of marriage.


Because of industrialization, migration, and urbanization, the influence of families and relatives in the arrangement of marriages declined. Thus, society has to create and manage various socialization tools such as romantic music, novels, films, posts, cards, stories, and other romantic things and processes in order to condition people’s minds that to fall in love is natural and a necessity for marriage.


If falling in love and romantic love are socially learned behavior, then people should have some control over them. With sufficient knowledge about what men and women look for in their partners, romantic people, for instance, can change or enhance their looks and appearance. With the advent of modern medicine, cosmetic surgery, and other physical enhancing technology, they can change and improve their looks and appearance to make them attractive to their crushes or partners.


They can also manage and improve their personal impressions in social interaction and dating by taking up personality-enhancing courses to make themselves romantically desirable and attractive to others. Through sufficient knowledge on the dynamics of romantic love and falling in love, they can, furthermore, discern which of their suitors are deserving of their true love and which of their romantic relationships is deceptive, obsessive, or authentic and leading towards marital commitment.


Finally, they can structure and schedule their social functions to make themselves visible and desirable to people whom they want to establish romantic relationships. It is not true that real love and romance are written in the stars and determined by fate. More often, true love can be found and realized through  scientific knowledge on romantic love and marriage, mature and realistic decision-making process, and proper social positioning and management of the social tools of romantic love.

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