"Say That You Love Me"

A Relationship Blog with Sociological-Spiritual Insights

Which Comes First in Romantic Relationship: Friendship or Courtship?

barcelona-959073_640

Which comes first as an effective strategy to establish a romantic ties with the person that one loves?

The guy must first befriend the girl and then court her after she has shown enough trust to him? Or the guy must first directly court the girl and when she accepts the proposal, he could start establishing trust and friendship with her?

affection-bokeh-couple-849233

This can create a dilemma. If the guy uses the first approach of befriending the girl first before courting her, the latter might think that he is taking advantage of the friendship.

But if the guy directly courts the girl without first knowing and befriending her, the latter would think that the former is more interested with sex or playing “fresh” as he doesn’t bother to befriend her first to know her more in the personal level. Friendship is an important foundation of a mature romantic love.

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It can happen that a great friendship between a man and a woman is destroyed because one of the partners put romantic meaning into their relationship. But it can also happen in the opposite direction–that a genuine friendship between two people can blossom into a romantic relationship. There is really no assurance or sure formula which one should a person begin in the process of courtship if women do not show signs of nonverbal signs that they want to be courted by men. Thus, one wonders how romance could be established: A man must first Initiate friendship with the other and then proceed to courtship, or he must first directly proceed to courtship and then develop friendship with the other after a romantic relationship is established.

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If one is beginning to feel the tingle of attraction in a platonic friendship, how should he or she explore the possibility that his or her romantic feelings with the other might be reciprocated? After all, a relationship of compatibility and trust can serve as a strong foundation for romance.  But how does one partner make a move to express his or her romantic feelings to the other without sinking the friendship?

To decide which approach a guy will pursue to woo a girl is not easy. It depends on different social and cultural factors. He must first do some background check in order to know the preference of the girl, whether she prefers courtship or friendship first, and thus avoid missteps and win the girl he loves.

The Story of Best Friends Who Became Lovers

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Read the amazing story of Ravi and Anju. They were first best friends since childhood. But later on they became lovers:

“We are at the Coffee Shop sitting opposite to each other, it is like any other day but still it is special, moreover it is different and a bit awkward. I and Ravi have been best friends since we were in fifth grade. We two never felt the need of anyone else, rather no one felt comfortable enough when we were together. We always had our secret jokes and we preferred to keep them secret. Because some jokes when explained loses its essence. It’s roughly been 8 years of our friendship and we realized that we always come back to each other even though we were dating others. Probably because I know that no one understands me better than Ravi, perhaps he feels the same…

coffee-shop-1149155_640 (1)

And we decided to go on a date the next day. And first time in my life was I concerned on how I look, how I dress up while I am going out with Ravi. And yes the funny part is I wore makeup, I dabbed my sister’s red lipstick, applied some mascara, blushed my cheeks in a pink shade. I was uneasy but that’s what dates are, present yourself in a way you are not. I wore my sister’s black short lace dress with 3/4 sleeves and wore my red pumps (yes I only wear them on parties and dates). When I reached, he was already there (he usually is late) and that was the first reminder, that we are on a date. He stood up to greet me, and I caught the surprise in his eyes. He was surprised to see me in a short dress and makeup, probably because I always wear jeans and no makeup. I smiled and sat down, yes I now realize I overdid things, it was just another day, but he too wore a leather jacket, which seems brand new. And I could feel the nervousness in his air, maybe a reflection of what I am feeling. We ordered our cappuccinos and two grilled chicken sandwiches, our favorite meal. I wonder if I have to eat with a fork, but I prefer eating a sandwich with my hands. We sat quiet, he was intently looking at me, observing me, I was absorbed in his gaze, and I felt hesitant. My shoulders shrunk, and I hoped that the ground would absorb me, I felt like a fool to dress up like a bimbo, hmph.

He finally said “You looking very pretty, how come I haven’t seen you like this before?” 

“It’s Pari’s dress, and I am wearing a makeup” and it feels disgusting
“Yeah I can see that, and it looks lovely, you look like a glam girl”

“yeah right, would you stop teasing me? I know I look weird, I shouldn’t have tried this.”

And he suddenly held my hand and said “You look lovely Anju, I feel like a douche to not have seen your beauty before, I have always loved you as a best friend, lately I felt much more than friendship, so I talked you into this date proposal, and I am flushed by your beauty, why do you hide it?”

“I don’t hide it, it’s just not me”

“It is you, the dress isn’t yours but can be yours, every girl wears makeup, so it is you, and there is no harm in glamorizing yourself”

“I feel spurious”

“You aren’t fake, you are the same girl I had always liked to be with”

And suddenly I went silent and recalled our conversation in my head, and boom! He confessed he is feeling more than friendship for me lately…

I could only flush crimson, and I was short of words, what I instead did was hold his hand in confirmation to what he has just said. And he punched my left arm by his right arm hinting we still would be best friends apart from being lovers, and we laughed.

To have a best friend and a lover is great, but to have that one person as a best friend and a lover is amazing” (Mudhesh, 22April, 2014).

Photo credit: Pixabay.com, Pexels.com

Thanks for reading this post. Follow this blog for more updates.

References

Patrick, W (30 July 2017). From Friendship to Courtship: How Friends Fall in Love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201707/friendship-courtship-how-friends-fall-in-love.

Mudhesh, F. (22 April 2014). Short story – From Best Friends To Lovers. Retrieved from https://helpalittle.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/short-story-from-best-friends-to-lovers/


Which Comes First in Romantic Relationship: Friendship or Courtship?

barcelona-959073_640

Which comes first as an effective strategy to establish a romantic ties with the person that one loves?

The guy must first befriend the girl and then court her after she has shown enough trust to him? Or the guy must first directly court the girl and when she accepts the proposal, he could start establishing trust and friendship with her?

affection-bokeh-couple-849233

This can create a dilemma. If the guy uses the first approach of befriending the girl first before courting her, the latter might think that he is taking advantage of the friendship.

But if the guy directly courts the girl without first knowing and befriending her, the latter would think that the former is more interested with sex or playing “fresh” as he doesn’t bother to befriend her first to know her more in the personal level. Friendship is an important foundation of a mature romantic love.

woman-2873658_640

It can happen that a great friendship between a man and a woman is destroyed because one of the partners put romantic meaning into their relationship. But it can also happen in the opposite direction–that a genuine friendship between two people can blossom into a romantic relationship. There is really no assurance or sure formula which one should a person begin in the process of courtship if women do not show signs of nonverbal signs that they want to be courted by men. Thus, one wonders how romance could be established: A man must first Initiate friendship with the other and then proceed to courtship, or he must first directly proceed to courtship and then develop friendship with the other after a romantic relationship is established.

selfie-1684976_640

If one is beginning to feel the tingle of attraction in a platonic friendship, how should he or she explore the possibility that his or her romantic feelings with the other might be reciprocated? After all, a relationship of compatibility and trust can serve as a strong foundation for romance.  But how does one partner make a move to express his or her romantic feelings to the other without sinking the friendship?

To decide which approach a guy will pursue to woo a girl is not easy. It depends on different social and cultural factors. He must first do some background check in order to know the preference of the girl, whether she prefers courtship or friendship first, and thus avoid missteps and win the girl he loves.

The Story of Best Friends Who Became Lovers

grass-2563424_640

Read the amazing story of Ravi and Anju. They were first best friends since childhood. But later on they became lovers:

“We are at the Coffee Shop sitting opposite to each other, it is like any other day but still it is special, moreover it is different and a bit awkward. I and Ravi have been best friends since we were in fifth grade. We two never felt the need of anyone else, rather no one felt comfortable enough when we were together. We always had our secret jokes and we preferred to keep them secret. Because some jokes when explained loses its essence. It’s roughly been 8 years of our friendship and we realized that we always come back to each other even though we were dating others. Probably because I know that no one understands me better than Ravi, perhaps he feels the same…

coffee-shop-1149155_640 (1)

And we decided to go on a date the next day. And first time in my life was I concerned on how I look, how I dress up while I am going out with Ravi. And yes the funny part is I wore makeup, I dabbed my sister’s red lipstick, applied some mascara, blushed my cheeks in a pink shade. I was uneasy but that’s what dates are, present yourself in a way you are not. I wore my sister’s black short lace dress with 3/4 sleeves and wore my red pumps (yes I only wear them on parties and dates). When I reached, he was already there (he usually is late) and that was the first reminder, that we are on a date. He stood up to greet me, and I caught the surprise in his eyes. He was surprised to see me in a short dress and makeup, probably because I always wear jeans and no makeup. I smiled and sat down, yes I now realize I overdid things, it was just another day, but he too wore a leather jacket, which seems brand new. And I could feel the nervousness in his air, maybe a reflection of what I am feeling. We ordered our cappuccinos and two grilled chicken sandwiches, our favorite meal. I wonder if I have to eat with a fork, but I prefer eating a sandwich with my hands. We sat quiet, he was intently looking at me, observing me, I was absorbed in his gaze, and I felt hesitant. My shoulders shrunk, and I hoped that the ground would absorb me, I felt like a fool to dress up like a bimbo, hmph.

He finally said “You looking very pretty, how come I haven’t seen you like this before?” 

“It’s Pari’s dress, and I am wearing a makeup” and it feels disgusting
“Yeah I can see that, and it looks lovely, you look like a glam girl”

“yeah right, would you stop teasing me? I know I look weird, I shouldn’t have tried this.”

And he suddenly held my hand and said “You look lovely Anju, I feel like a douche to not have seen your beauty before, I have always loved you as a best friend, lately I felt much more than friendship, so I talked you into this date proposal, and I am flushed by your beauty, why do you hide it?”

“I don’t hide it, it’s just not me”

“It is you, the dress isn’t yours but can be yours, every girl wears makeup, so it is you, and there is no harm in glamorizing yourself”

“I feel spurious”

“You aren’t fake, you are the same girl I had always liked to be with”

And suddenly I went silent and recalled our conversation in my head, and boom! He confessed he is feeling more than friendship for me lately…

I could only flush crimson, and I was short of words, what I instead did was hold his hand in confirmation to what he has just said. And he punched my left arm by his right arm hinting we still would be best friends apart from being lovers, and we laughed.

To have a best friend and a lover is great, but to have that one person as a best friend and a lover is amazing” (Mudhesh, 22April, 2014).

Photo credit: Pixabay.com, Pexels.com

Thanks for reading this post. Follow this blog for more updates.

References

Patrick, W (30 July 2017). From Friendship to Courtship: How Friends Fall in Love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201707/friendship-courtship-how-friends-fall-in-love.

Mudhesh, F. (22 April 2014). Short story – From Best Friends To Lovers. Retrieved from https://helpalittle.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/short-story-from-best-friends-to-lovers/


 

Top Areas that Married Couples Argue

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Marriage is always inter-cultural. Two individuals who decide to tie the knot in marriage know that each one of them come from a different cultural orientation. Culture is a way of life of a group of people living in a particular locality. Every individual has distinct cultural orientation with regard to beliefs, values, attitudes, practices, and worldviews. Thus when two persons decide to stay together for life in marriage, it is expected that various personal conflicts and differences will arise during the union. Marriage is not only a “bed of roses”, but also a “bed of thorns” that requires daily and lifelong adjustment and negotiation between the husband and the wife to continue the marital commitment until  “death do us part.”

A study by Buss et al. (1990) revealed that cultural differences play an important role  in marital conflict. Research shows that the top 4 sources of conflict and disagreement between married couples are those related to sexual activity, finances, division of labor, and raising of children in the family. According to many research, these 4 areas of marital conflicts are often significantly related to almost all cases of marital problems:

1. Sexual Activity

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Photo Credit: Prawny at Pixabay.com

Conflicts in sexual activity during marriage occur over initiation of sexual activity, with the female often rejecting male overtures. Males may be more eager for sex with their partner in order to reduce the risk of her impregnation by a rival, or as a side effect of a low threshold for sex in order to maximize fertilization of additional females.

Sexual coercion by any spouse in marital life constitutes another, possibly related source of conflict, usually with the male coercing the female (e.g. Miller, 2000).  One study revealed that conflict in sexual activity in marriage has also been observed to occur over suspected or acknowledged infidelity, and over mate guarding, or jealousy. (Dillion et al., 2014).

2. Money Matters

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Photo Credit: LillyCantibile at Pixabay.com

Money matters or financial management is also a major area that causes conflict in marriage and can lead to divorce or separation if not handled properly by the couple.

Some researchers have observed that finances on marriage often increase marital conflict and the chance of divorce rises when wives’ income rises (Rogers & DeBoer, 2001). Dew, Britt, and Huston (2012) also found that marital conflict involving finances was the strongest predictor of divorce. Individuals in a family may feel disadvantaged if they do not get to spend as much money as they would like or if the person feels that someone else in the family gets to spend more than they do.

Other researcher indicated that women report that arguments about money last longer and reoccurred more often and husbands report more angry behavior regarding this topic. Disagreements over money are more likely to be handled the wrong way and be unresolved in marital relationships (Papp, Cummings, & Corke-Morey, 2009).

A study by Rogers and DeBoer (2001) revealed that women are happier with their marriage when their income increases, but men are not affected by their wives’ income increase. An increase in income for women is thought to reduce the chance of divorce since an increase of income promotes marital happiness for women.

3. Division of Labor in the Family

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The third major source of marital conflict is the division and distribution of labor in the family. The traditional gender always assign the housekeeping chores and child rearing to the wife, while the breadwining role is assigned to the husband.

One study revealed that the distribution of household chores can be a source of conflict for married people and can also be linked to gender inequality (Faulkner, Davey, & Davey, 2005). In our world today, less than 50% of women do not pursue careers in the workplace. But wives who have jobs outside of the home can increase martial conflict as women’s responsibilities include more than just taking care of the home and children (Faulkner, Davey, & Davey, 2005). Although  wives working outside of the home can help improve the couple’s financial situation, it can also increase the wives’ awareness of the problems in a marriage (Amato, 2010). In this case, working wives are pressured to perform the dual roles of doing housekeeping and earning extra income for the family outside the home. This unequal distribution of labor in the family is a major cause of conflict and divorce.

4. Raising Children

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Photo credit: mohamed_hassan at Pixabay.com

Raising the children in the family is also a main source of conflict between the husband and the wife. Conflict may arise over the number and spacing of children in some cultures (Mason and Taj, 1987) but not in others (Mason and Smith, 2000). When spouses do disagree on family planning, husbands usually desire more children than wives, consistent with women providing more childcare.

One study revealed that U.S. wives and husbands’ lack of relatives to assist them in marital conflict with regard to children can makes family life difficult because there is an extended family nearby to offer assistance.

Final Words

A relationship with high levels of satisfaction can still end in dissolution if the partners are not committed to their relationship. Couples can still maintain their marital commitment despite various disagreements if they strive to keep the relationship going no matter what circumstances arise. In sociology, marriage is an ongoing negotiation between two people to keep their marital commitment. The success or continuity of the marriage would then depend on the willingness of the husband and wife to dialogue and and accept each other despite their personal and cultural differences. As the song goes,  “I love you because you’re you!” Each spouse must not surrender just because of irreconcilable differences. Conflicts must be seen as a challenge to actualize the marital vows to remain married “until death do us part.”

References

Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments.
Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 650-666.

Faulkner, R. A., Davey, M., & Davey, A. (2005). Gender-related predictors of change in
marital satisfaction and marital conflict. The American Journal of Family
Therapy, 33, 61-83.

Lisa M. Dillon, L.M. et al (2015). Sources of Marital Conflict in Five Cultures. Evolutionary Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491501300101.
Hamilton, K.A. (2013). The Effects of Marital Conflict and Marital Environment on Change in Marital Status. Thesis. UKnowledge.University of Kentucky. Retrieved fromhttps://uknowledge.uky.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1008&context=hes_etds.
Papp, L. M., Cummings, E. M., & Goeke-Morey, M. C. (2009). For richer, for poorer:
Money as a topic of marital conflict in the home. Family Relations, 58, 91-103.
Rogers, S. J. & DeBoer, D. D. (2001). Changes in wives’ income: Effects on marital
happiness, psychological well-being, and the risk of divorce. Journal of Marriage
and Family, 63, 458-472.
Rusbult, C. E. & Buunk, B. P. (1993). Commitment processes in close relationships: An
interdependent analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10, 175-
204.

How to Handle Rumors and Gossip in Business or Public Life

Understanding Rumors and Gossip

Have you been a victim of nasty rumors and gossip? Is your company prone to rumors and gossip that affect your professional life? How would you properly handle them if they affect corporate or public life?

A gossip is “a private conversation between two people about someone else who is not around. The information they are discussing is represented as factual even though the truth may not have been confirmed. Gossip tends to be spoken by people about someone they know, not celebrities or historical figures” (http://education-portal.com). A gossip usually deals with personal matters or traits such as sexual orientation, hidden immoral act, undesirable personal attitude or an embarrassing physical defect or disability.

A rumor is a piece of information gathered informally that is used to interpret an ambiguous situation (Schaefer, 2005). It is an unsubstantiated “news” about a subject that is spread informally by people. Like gossip, a rumor is also an unverified piece of information or story. But unlike gossips, rumors are more focused on social issues or matters that affect a group or community. Thus, if the release of salary for the employees on a specified date is delayed without prior notice from the company, rumors are expected to circulate to explain why this incident occurred.

There is a thin line which separates rumors from gossip. For instance, a manager who occupies a top position in the company and is being gossiped for wrongdoing can probably generate rumors if this act can affect the welfare of the company. Thus, a company president who is gossiped to be a womanizer and corrupt can generate a rumor that the company would soon be bankrupt because the corporate funds were embezzled by him to maintain his mistresses.

Rumors and Gossip Thrive in Ambiguous Situations

harriet the spy gossip GIF

Rumors and gossip thrive in ambiguous and doubtful situations. They remind people, especially public figures, to follow the social norms, whether moral or legal. They also prepare and warn people to cope with an impending corporate change. If a business firm, for instance, is about to collapse, rumors and gossip would usually precede it to prepare employees and managers of its actual demise and to enable them to prepare psychologically and to start searching for new jobs promptly. If not handled properly, rumors and gossip can wreck careers, sabotage ambitions or even topple big companies. With the advent of the internet and digital technology, rumors and gossip can spread like forest fires, ready to destroy people and companies. Indeed, rumors and gossip are unavoidable in corporate and public life. One cannot avoid rumors and gossip especially if one lives in a corporate culture where “playing politics” is a dominant mode of interaction.What is important then is how one handles them and turn them into challenges and motivations for growth.

The Degree of Rumors and Gossip Depends on Organizational Culture

madam satan judging you GIF by Warner Archive

The magnitude of rumors and gossip in a company would depend on the organizational culture and overall system of the business firm. If you have an environment which is efficient, transparent, supportive and rewarding, one cannot expect much humors and gossip. Expect this company to attract the best and most qualified talents (Is Google of this kind? That’s why job hunters prefer to join this company?). Thus, Richard Branson’s advice with regard to hiring people into the company is wise. He said that the foremost consideration in hiring people into the firm is to determine whether the applicant’s personality can fit into the company’s culture (Branson, 2013). An applicant may be highly qualified for the job. But if his/her personality does not fit into the firm’s culture, s/he will not last in the job. Thus, recruiters and HR personnel must have a firm grasp of their company’s organizational culture to be able to select the most qualified and culturally fit applicant for the firm. A highly qualified new employee who is not used to rumors and gossips would surely leave the company after a brief stint in the workplace.

Less Rumors and Gossip in an Efficient and Happy Environment

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In an organizational culture where politics is less and “everyone is happy”, it is unlikely to see employees leaving or maligning their managers through rumors and gossip . If there is a high level o

f job satisfaction and compensation, efficient and clear information system, and strong corporate bonding, one can expect less rumors and gossip. But if the company’s system is irrational, unpredictable, full of power cliques, and low in compensation and rewards, expect higher levels of rumors and gossip from people who want to control the firm’s resources and rewards. Rumors and gossip are

instruments of power and resistance. Any power holder or resister in the company can use them to advance his/her personal and group interests. Resisters manufacture information or even use negative facts and shocking discoveries to change the system and weaken their enemies in the business firm. Thus, a company may seem functional outwardly but crumbling due to internal dissatisfaction, division, and power struggle of employees and managers to control the system inwardly. Because of this internal dissension, the company’s productivity suffers and the personnel’s creativity is stifled. Under a “bad” system, people’s energies are more spent to politics than promoting innovation and achieving the firm’s goals and forecasts.

How to Handle Rumors and Gossip

1. Don’t remain silent: speak, reach out to the discontented, or say sorry if needed

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Silence may not always be the wisest cause of action in dealing with rumors and gossip—of course, trivial things do not need to be dignified with an answer. If the allegation is serious and persistent and the person or party involved remains silent, people would more likely think that the rumor or gossip is true. It has been said that silence means (tacit) yes. Unless of course the rumor or gossip is true and victim just wants to let it be. But this will not stop the rumor from mutating and multiplying. People usually want to hear the truth directly from the horse’s mouth so to speak. Statements from spokespersons are often unconvincing for many people.Tiger Woods faced the public and addressed the rumors and gossip about his extramarital affairs directly and thus allowed the issue to rest. If one is a popular businessman/woman or a celebrity, it would be wise to clarify things directly and honestly in a public statement, press conference, tweet, post or interview with the media. A manager can call a formal and informal meeting with his/her subordinates to clarify some vague policies or issues which caused the rumors or gossip. S/he must be transparent and provide a frequent and clear information on matters that affect every employee in the office to avoid intrigues. S/he can also engage in friendly dialogue instead of immediately sanctioning people who sow intrigues in the office (of course, following due process s/he must also sanction violators who are out to maliciously defame others and destroy the company’s image).

2. Take gossip as constructive feedback to improve one’s self.

gossiping opening night GIF by NFL

Gossip can be interpreted as a constructive feedback to improve one’s self. If the source of the gossip is your physical and personal traits, the solution is within your reach. Go and consult with a cosmetic surgeon, dermatologist, fashion designer, religious adviser or personality coach to improve your self. Gossip is also a constructive criticism from others about some undesirable personal traits. The Looking Glass Theory in Sociology states that the other is your mirror in order that you can see your self objectively. So it is important to listen to constructive gossip and do something to change these gossips into a means to achieve admiration and social acceptance.

3. Provide a frequent, clear and convincing Information.

the office GIF

Rumors and gossip are most likely to spread when there is a lack of clear, frequent communication between management and workers (Seidenfeld, 2013). They thrive in situations of uncertainty, doubt, and utter lack of information. Thus, the only way to counter rumors and gossips is to provide a clear, frequent and convincing information about the personal or public matter that is being intrigued in order that people would not further speculate and imagine things to enlighten their ignorance or lack of knowledge. Doubt and uncertainty can provide an opportunity for resisters and haters to exploit the situation to their advantage and to destroy the person or system they dislike. Rumors and gossip are tools of social resistance for people who are dissatisfied with their managers, leaders, or co-workers or with the state of things or management they are in. They may seem trivial or insignificant. The celebrity, CEO or manager can immediately dismiss them as nonsense. But if the allegations are serious and are not responded to promptly and satisfactorily by the parties involved, rumors and gossip can spiral into a bigger overt or covert group protest and mass action. The dissatisfied can convince their colleagues to join their cause. Indeed, rumors and gossips can topple regimes and companies if not handled effectively. They can destabilize companies and wreck havoc to people’s career and plans.

4. For managers/CEOs: Reshuffle people to minimize the influence of power cliques.

the office GIF

If the corporate culture is personalistic, i.e., social ties matter more than merits, and lax in law enforcement or social control, influential power groups among employees and managers, competing to control the company’s resources and rewards, are more likely to arise. The group which has more allies or connections with the top management would emerge as the hegemonic or most powerful elite group. Within a division or sector in a company, power cliques can also arise.To promote their group interest, these cliques would usually use rumors and gossip as a tool to undermine the system, their competitors, or to whoever blocks their way. The task for the CEO or manager of the company is to identify these power cliques and their leaders and to break their control and network.To minimize their negative impact to the company’s goals, s/he must reassign or reshuffle them, making sure that their networks in the company cannot further create more politics and difficulties for others in the workplace.

5. If possible, avoid a highly politicized organizational structure.

united louis GIF

If your social upbringing is conservative and less political, then avoid a group or company whose organizational structure is highly politicized. If this is not possible, then join a power clique or group in the company which is more aligned with your personal principles or religious values to get group support and to survive in the business firm. But if you aim to maximize your benefits from the company, then join a power group which has a strong connection with the top management or owner/s of the firm would be an ideal choice . There are basically two kinds of political groups in a highly politicized business environment: the pro-administration which are aligned with power holders and the anti-administration which are identified with social resisters and opposition groups in the company such as a critical labor union.

6. Live a moral, honest and upright life and be generous!

new york mets celebration GIF by NBA

The best way to avoid humors and gossip is to live a moral, honest and upright life. People with many vices and hidden transgressions are prone to gossip and rumors. Just do your duty efficiently and be friendly to all in the workplace. Be also generous to people, not just your friends in the workplace. Greet or give them gifts or cards on their birthdays! Treat them to a light snacks. The point here is to create a “debt-of-gratitude” (Utang na loob) to every person in your social environment. In general, people “don’t bite the hands that feed them” or create gossips and humors to their benefactors or people who care for them. Be friendly with your enemies. Find means to make them your friends.If you can discover your enemy’s need where you can best fulfill it, you’re a winner! An enemy who becomes a friend can be powerful ally especially if s/he has many followers!

If you are a manager or in position of authority, exercise your power judiciously and don’t go beyond the limits of the authority given you by the company. Abuse of power attracts social resistance from subordinates. They may not show their opposition or resistance to your domination directly and overtly for fear of sanction, but they can show it indirectly through rumors and gossip to put you in a bad light, hoping that a higher authority can notice it, and eventually fire you from your job!

leighton meester GIF

Rumors and gossip in public and corporate life illustrate that power is not possessed by people but exercised through the use of right strategies and tactics. Rumors and gossip are strategies of power and resistance.To avoid their negative effects to one’s public or professional life,one must also be creative and think of ways to counteract rumors and gossip in a proactive way and convert them into occasions for personal and professional growth in business or in public life!

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Schaefer, Richard (2005). Sociology: A Brief Introduction. Princeton, N.J.

Seindenfeld, Martin (2013). “Workplace, Gossip and Rumors”. Retrieved from http://www.alnmag.com/articles/2013/10/workplace-gossip-and-rumors.

Sternheimer, Karen (2008). The Sociological Meaning of Rumors. Retrieved from http//: nortonbooks.typepad.com/everydaysociology/2008/09/the-sociologica.html.

Houghton, Valerie (n.d.) Types of Mass Behavior: Definitions & Examples. Retrieved from http://education-portal.com/academy/lesson/types-of-mass-behavior-definitions-examples.html#lesson.

http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/pub/feap/work-life/newsletters/workplace-gossip-updated.pdf

__________________


Areas of Compatibility in Romantic Relationship

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It’s not true that one’s character is shown in one’s face. If it’s angelic and beautiful, then he or she is Mr. Or Ms. X, the long-lost soul mate or destined partner in life! Social science research has shown that there is no dependable association between facial features and personality traits. A person may look meek, soft-spoken, wholesome, and with sympathetic eyes, but may turn out to be abusive, violent and indecent in real life after a long acquaintance with him or her. Thus, a person cannot immediately identify his or her right partner in life based solely on facial or physical features during the first encounter or first date despite the strong feeling of romantic attraction or “love at first sight”.

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Moreover, a person who is infatuated is usually blinded with romantic passion or intense feeling of attraction for his or her partner that he or she tends to neglect knowing his or her true character and personality. Just enjoying the current bliss of falling in love without a serious effort to know the real character of one’s partner is a dangerous attitude, especially if the person intends to find his or her true love and enter into marriage. Relying merely on the attractive looks of one’s partner and intense romantic feeling for him or her can be deceiving.  Many marriage counselors would say that people in love could not really know the real person or character of their partners unless they live together constantly in a conjugal home for at least five years in marriage. Knowing the real person of one’s romantic partner requires time, effort, and scientific strategies to know the real person behind the smiling and loving face!

Explore first whether there are strong signs that you’re compatible with your partner in the following areas:

Cultural Orientation. Check if your suitor or partner grew up in a culture similar to yours. Culture is a way of life in terms of beliefs, values, practices, etc. There is indeed a big cultural difference if an Asian marries an American. Asians, for instance, value more loyalty to their relatives and local communities than Americans who prioritizes individual rights. Differences in cultural upbringing can cause regular conflicts between partners in terms of taste, preferences, beliefs, and some practices. Marriage is cross-cultural, so one partner needs to adjust to the cultural uniqueness of the other to preserve the marital commitment.

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Religion. This is another big factor to consider if you and your partner wishes to enter into marriage. There are religions or churches which do not allow mixed marriage. Thus one partner is forced to convert to their partner’s religion. Differences in religious beliefs and practices can also divide one’s family. There is one couple in the Philippines where the father belongs to a Christian church while the mother is a Catholic. Every Sunday, the family is divided. Two children go with the father, while the three others join their mother to attend the Mass.

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Social Class. Differences in social class standing can cause serious conflicts in a couple’s relationship. Society classifies people according to the amount of their wealth or property, thus the rich belong to the upper class, the professionals as middle class, and poor as working class. Each social class has its own lifestyle, beliefs, and behavior. Rich people think and behave differently compared to the poor. Thus, the advise of many behavioral scientists and counselors is for people to marry their own class to minimize conflicts in romantic or marital relationship. The first to oppose in a relationship that involves a rich guy and a poor lady is usually the parents and relatives. It is normal for them to think that the poor person wants to marry their rich son or relative because of the wealth s/he might inherit.

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