Is It Easy to Maintain a Long-Distance Love?

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The great Benjamin Franklin once said that “Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

Research studies showed that geographical proximity is a major factor that causes people to fall in love and deepen their romantic relationship. Distance matters in a relationship. The closer the person to his or her crush the higher is the probability of establishing a romantic relationship.

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Proximity in distance due to similarity of jobs, schools, religion, church, or group affiliation can facilitate frequent face-to-face social interactions that provide more opportunities for people to fall in love. Physical closeness of people is the main reason why research studies showed that many married couples are either office mates, classmates, schoolmates, or members of the same group or organization. Therefore one would wonder whether a long-distance relationship of romantic partners can end up in marriage if the couple is separated by long distances that minimize face-to-face interactions. The following case will illustrate how an intimate relationship became problematic due to physical separation of the romantic couple:

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“My girlfriend and I have been in a committed and long distance relationship… Despite all the ups and downs, we’ve managed to make it a year. Lately, I’ve found out she’s falling out of love? She’s still with me but I could feel her going numb. It’s killing me as I love her to death, I do the extra mile for her, be there for her all the time, write poems, buy her flowers, make her little cute videos…I genuinely love her and I know she loves me too… But her falling out is killing it all….” [1]

The Limits of Digital and Electronic Communication 

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It’s easier to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship today than 20 years ago because of digital technology and the Internet.  But generally, it is easier to maintain a short-distance relationship than a long-distance one especially when there is a problem in communication. I know one couple who became separated when the boyfriend migrated to a far country because he was petitioned by his parents as a permanent resident, together with his father and other siblings. Although he regularly communicated with his girlfriend through the social media and the smart phone, the physical separation seems very painful for both, especially to the girlfriend. Thus, after around 7 or 8 months abroad, he took a leave from his work and went back home to see his girlfriend despite the expensive airfare he has to shoulder.

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Digital communication could not really substitute physical presence in a romantic or marital relationship. Intimacy requires face-to-face interaction. Although digital or electronic technologies offer instant text messaging, chatting, or video conferencing, they could not fully satisfy the human need for touch or personal and sexual intimacy for  couples and romantic partners to deepen their relationship. Long distance relationship is, therefore, difficult to maintain especially if both partners or spouses do not believe in some higher or spiritual values that can cement their commitment for each other and if one or both partners do not encounter exciting people or encounter serious conflicts in the relationship that would tempt them to abandon their original partnership.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

References

[1]“I Love My Girlfriend” by h4n5dj22 in www.experienceproject.com

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5 Deadly Differences that Can End a Marriage

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Marriage is cross-cultural. It is not only a union of persons but a union of cultures or way of life of two people who have different cultural upbringing or socialization. It is expected that conflicts and tensions can occur during the marriage. But there are certain differences which can threaten a marital commitment. The following are some of the deadly differences that can end a marriage:

1. Different Schedules

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If your work schedules are completely incompatible, that can make being in a relationship together pretty tricky. Different work schedules can greatly affect their relationship and intimacy.  This incompatibility in schedules can be noted among couples who are busy in their work, business, and career. Celebrity couples, for instance, who are busy with their own schedules in shooting and post-production promotion of their latest movies and gigs that they seldom find time to maintain and nourish their relationships. This is not to say early birds and night owls can’t make it work, but major differences in how two people operate day-to-day can create major date scheduling challenges and prevent momentum from being that wind behind your backs.

2. Different Relaxation Styles.

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If two people have completely different relaxation styles, it will be very challenging to make a relationship work.”Based on how someone likes to spend their weekend, I mentally put people into two different categories: ‘activities person’ or ‘homebody. Activities persons want to spend their relaxation by doing relaxing tasks such as swimming, drinking, camping, or doing some sports activities outdoor. Homebody persons feel more relaxed by resting or doing something worthwhile inside the home or indoor. This incompatibility in relaxation can lead to some frictions and stress in the marital relationship which can threaten the stability of the marital union.

3. Different Eating Habits

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“This can extend to physical activity as well. For instance, if one partner enjoys working out and eating healthy and the other partner isn’t as interested in this lifestyle, it can be incredibly frustrating for both parties.” If one partner is a vegetarian and the other is a “meat eater” can be a dangerous combination. There is always an argument or friction every time they dine together because of their differences in the choice of food.

“While you and your partner don’t have to be at the same level of fitness, share the same interests (maybe you like running marathons and they prefer to lift weights), or eat the exact same way, it’s important to at least have some commonalities when it comes to your health and lifestyle.”

4. Different Levels of Intelligence

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Similar levels of intelligence can dictate whether a relationship will work out or not. Intelligence can mean a general curiosity or interest in learning to better oneself, education or a college degree(s), or emotional intelligence. If you are on completely opposite sides of the spectrum, the relationship likely won’t work.

5. Different Ways of Expressing Emotions

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Differences in expressing emotions due to differences of personalities and social upbringing of couples can a deadly path towards a breakup or dire in marriage. A marital commitment is based on a constant negotiation between partners to maintain their relationship. This implies diplomacy, openness, and compromise to settle a dispute or marital conflict. But if one of the partners is more aggressive in expressing their emotions, especially anger, and the other would not give in, then the marital union can be in danger, particularly if the quarrel is persisting. In this case, a mature third party such as a counselor or common friend, would act as a referee or mediator can be desirable to avoid a breakup or separation.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Fellizar, K. “The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers”. Bustle.com. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/the-15-incompatible-qualities-that-end-relationships-according-to-matchmakers-8102682.

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4 Ways to Handle Marital Conflict and Stress

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1. Manage Your Marital Conflict. 

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Marriage is an ongoing negotiation. It formally begins during the wedding day when the bride and the groom say “I Do” to signal their lifetime commitment to stay together. But this agreement does not stop there. Right after the wedding ceremony the art of marital negotiation commences.

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Everyday, the couple has to agree and compromise to stay together. When there is a disagreement, especially on serious things, such as handling conjugal property or educating the children, the couple must manage and resolve the issues as soon as possible. If they need some professional help from a lawyer or counselor, by all means they must agree to such a move. If couple will not resolve one issue at a time, things and tensions could pile up and partners would find the issues become complex to handle that could eventually lead to their separation or divorce. Remember: Always nip a problem from the bud and not allow it to ruin a lifetime marital commitment.

2. Forgive Your Spouse.

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Forgiving your’s partner’s fault is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Giving mercy is an acknowledgement that your partner is, after all, a human being with frailties and weakness as a person. Many marriages fail because couples failed to forgive one another. Marriage is a union of two unique people. Thus, expect the spouses to clash in many personal issues, since each partner has a different personality, social upbringing, and cultural orientation.

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To be able to forgive requires some form of spirituality based on your religious beliefs. Forgiveness is actually going beyond your self. You let go of your partner’s fault because you also know that you have your own faults and weaknesses too as a human being and you believe in God. So forgive and forget is a great key to make marriages work!

3. Sacrifice in the Name of Love.

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The type love in marriage is different from romantic relationship, although romantic love is a preparation for marital love. Marital love is a self-giving love. This means that when you say “I Do” during the wedding ceremony, you promise to sacrifice for the other because of love. Sacrificing for the sake of your spouse is an expression of marital love. A willingness “to forgo self-interest and desired activities for the good of a partner or relationship is an important aspect of maintaining relationships.

4. Alleviate Each Other’s Stress.

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Sustaining and maintaining a family can be a very difficult task, especially for poor couples who are pressured by poverty. Also, troubles at work, financial crises or family drama can all push spouses apart. Couples who can respond to each other’s stress in a way that is soothing rather than exacerbating can weather the tenser times. That’s why constant communication and mutual affirmation are very important to maintain a marital commitment. Many married couples divorced because they no longer mutually support each other. The marital vows that mention the phrase”for better or for worse, ’til death do us part” implies that the couple’s mutual support in times of need and stress! Going out together on a date or special vacation during times of severe stress in family affairs is a great opportunity for couples to talk, support each other, and create new strategies on how to deal with their serious marital problems.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com
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7 Reliable Tips on How to Heal a Broken Heart!

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Introduction

Rejection or separation from people we love is a fact of life. There are lots of romantics  and separated couples out there who are nursing a broken heart because they cannot forget the past and move on with their lives. To be rejected by somebody we love in a romantic or marital relationship can indeed be painful. Since people’s minds are conditioned by society that to fall in love is natural, the bodily and psychological effects of a breakup or divorce can be devastating. But people are historical beings. The pain of a broken heart is not forever. It can heal depending on how we deal with the past experience and how we change our social environment. Here are some reliable and practical tips on how to expedite the healing of a broken heart:

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1. Avoid all things that can remind you of the past relationship. Avoid people, places, and things that can remind you of your former lover. The more you hold on to the past, the longer the healing process  to end. Always remember, that this person is only one of the many millions of people you can associate yourself with in the future.

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This relationship has ended and there is no reason to hold on to it. Probably, it is the happy memories of the past that keep you clinging to the failed romance. But it is only a matter of time that you can meet your next lover, depending on your attitude and openness to begin  a new relationship.

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2. Change something in your Self and environment to mark a new beginning of  your life. You can change your looks, hair, or fashion which can make you feel good about  yourself. Some people would cut their hair or have a new hairstyle to forget the past.

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If possible, you can change your job or activities that would remind you of your former lover and past experience. You can engage in new sports, hobbies, or enhance your talents to heal the wound and repair your broken ego. Achieving something for yourself and others can improve your self-confidence and help you forget the past.

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3. Evaluate your past mistakes and try to avoid them in your next relationship. Learn from your mistakes. Do your homework before you decide to enter a new relationship. Do some background check first before saying “yes” to your next lover! A simple research whether the person is already married, a womanizer, or a drug dependent, etc. can avoid a lot of future headaches!

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Also, check whether you can manage the cultural difference with your next love. Marrying a foreigner or a person with a different cultural background can also cause a lot of headaches in personal compatibility and adjustment.

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4. Look for a friend or person who is patient enough to hear your frustrations and lamentations. In the stage of your breakup, the negative emotions you feel could be heavy. If you decide not to see a psychologist or therapist to listen to you, find a true friend who is patient enough to journey with you in your depressions and frustrations. Someone who can objective enough to assess your problem and give you an honest feedback on what’s going on with you.

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The trick is to release all those pent-up emotions and hidden anger within you, to unload all your mental baggage or negative emotions against the person who rejected you and move on with your life. Repressing emotions can have a negative consequence to you physical and mental health.

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5. Consult a professional psychologist if the trauma and depression are serious. If you feel that the trauma is serious, you can consult a professional psychologist to assist you in overcoming the emotional pain caused by the breakup or divorce.

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6. Don’t lock yourself in the room, go out and meet new people!

Retreating from public life or from your circles of friends and relatives just because you’re nursing a broken would not be helpful in overcoming a painful breakup. You should, instead, strengthen your bonding with your family and old friends and open yourself to new people and friends. To forget the past, you should encounter new and exciting people, events, and places. Taking an exciting vacation, joining organizations, or participating in wholesome parties and charitable activities can be an effective means to heal a broken heart!

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7. Be patient. Only time can heal a broken heart. There is no medicine or pain reliever that you can take to remove the romantic pain immediately. Just don’t panic. All romantics undergo the painful experience of nursing a broken heart. The good news is that this pain will be more bearable  as you grow in experience, maturity, and wisdom in romantic relationship. To mend a broken heart is more painful for first-timers but less for experienced lovers and repeaters.

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Final Advice

Don’t forget to pray and ask God to guide you. Based on research, religious people are likely to hurdle difficult problems in life than non-religious. Romance is only temporary but faith in God is eternal. Join religious groups and organizations for mutual support. What matters is your ultimate goal in life. Don’t lose sight of it. One failed experience should not define you life. Rise and see the beauty of life!

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Photo credit for all photos: Pexels.com free photos

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to like, comment, or share it to help those in distress. Cheers and best wishes!

 

 

Women Take Note: 5 Top Attitudes that Turn Off Guys

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Many women may not be aware that there are things that turn off men. Of course, this can be cultural. It depends on the type of social expectations and gender roles between sexes in a particular culture. But those who reside in urban centers with middle-class orientation, the following attitudes and behaviors can generally turn off men:

1. Nagging

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One of the top-most turn-offs for guys is the distressing and nagging attitude of women. Generally, what guys don’t like is the on-going complaints and issues raised by them. When you start finding faults in your guy and rise issues in everything he does, he will eventually get frustrated by you and the relationship (slism.com).

2. Bad Hygiene

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Bad hygiene is among the top turn-offs for guys. Guys dislike bad hygiene. They avoid the company of women with a bad aroma. If you don’t clean your body, hair, and skin properly, then for sure you are turning your guy off with your unbearable odor. Always remember that guys crave for fresh breath and a sweet smell of skin and clear hair (slism.com).

3. Too Much Talking

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An excessive and never-ending talking also turn a guy off. No doubt, guys love to listen, but they hate when all they have to do is to listen all the time. This creates an imbalance in conversation when a guy is not given enough time to make his talking. A talkative lady is considered egoistic by her guy. And if she keeps on repeating this kind of conversational attitude, her guy will surely draw away sooner (slism.com).

4. Excessive Obsession

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Infatuation is another feminine trait that is found to be as critical as above mentioned turn-offs. Normally, girls think that what turns men off is the hesitation of women in moving ahead with them. However, they do not realize that men also hate when girls get obsessed with them and demand for suddenly living together under the same roof and getting married. Every guy likes attention and progress in the relationship, but with a gradual pace. But when girls are infatuated beyond the limit, the guys get eventually frightened away (slism).

5. Discussing Ex-Boyfriends

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One of the biggest turn-offs for guys is undoubtedly discussing your ex-boyfriend stories and personality with your present guy. It totally shocks him when he finds you still discussing your past relationships in front of him. This will make him think that either your current relationship has got flaws, or you are unable to get the ex-guy out of your mind. This will totally deteriorate your relation with your guy (slism.com).

Reference

Slism.com (n.d.). 12 Surprising turn Offs for guys That Most Girls Know Nothing About. Retrieved from https://slism.com/girlstalk/12-surprising-turn-offs-for-guys-that-most-girls-know-nothing-about.html

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