4 Ways to Handle Marital Conflict and Stress

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1. Manage Your Marital Conflict. 

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Marriage is an ongoing negotiation. It formally begins during the wedding day when the bride and the groom say “I Do” to signal their lifetime commitment to stay together. But this agreement does not stop there. Right after the wedding ceremony the art of marital negotiation commences.

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Everyday, the couple has to agree and compromise to stay together. When there is a disagreement, especially on serious things, such as handling conjugal property or educating the children, the couple must manage and resolve the issues as soon as possible. If they need some professional help from a lawyer or counselor, by all means they must agree to such a move. If couple will not resolve one issue at a time, things and tensions could pile up and partners would find the issues become complex to handle that could eventually lead to their separation or divorce. Remember: Always nip a problem from the bud and not allow it to ruin a lifetime marital commitment.

2. Forgive Your Spouse.

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Forgiving your’s partner’s fault is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Giving mercy is an acknowledgement that your partner is, after all, a human being with frailties and weakness as a person. Many marriages fail because couples failed to forgive one another. Marriage is a union of two unique people. Thus, expect the spouses to clash in many personal issues, since each partner has a different personality, social upbringing, and cultural orientation.

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To be able to forgive requires some form of spirituality based on your religious beliefs. Forgiveness is actually going beyond your self. You let go of your partner’s fault because you also know that you have your own faults and weaknesses too as a human being and you believe in God. So forgive and forget is a great key to make marriages work!

3. Sacrifice in the Name of Love.

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The type love in marriage is different from romantic relationship, although romantic love is a preparation for marital love. Marital love is a self-giving love. This means that when you say “I Do” during the wedding ceremony, you promise to sacrifice for the other because of love. Sacrificing for the sake of your spouse is an expression of marital love. A willingness “to forgo self-interest and desired activities for the good of a partner or relationship is an important aspect of maintaining relationships.

4. Alleviate Each Other’s Stress.

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Sustaining and maintaining a family can be a very difficult task, especially for poor couples who are pressured by poverty. Also, troubles at work, financial crises or family drama can all push spouses apart. Couples who can respond to each other’s stress in a way that is soothing rather than exacerbating can weather the tenser times. That’s why constant communication and mutual affirmation are very important to maintain a marital commitment. Many married couples divorced because they no longer mutually support each other. The marital vows that mention the phrase”for better or for worse, ’til death do us part” implies that the couple’s mutual support in times of need and stress! Going out together on a date or special vacation during times of severe stress in family affairs is a great opportunity for couples to talk, support each other, and create new strategies on how to deal with their serious marital problems.

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5 Deadly Differences that Can End a Marriage

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Marriage is cross-cultural. It is not only a union of persons but a union of cultures or way of life of two people who have different cultural upbringing or socialization. It is expected that conflicts and tensions can occur during the marriage. But there are certain differences which can threaten a marital commitment. The following are some of the deadly differences that can end a marriage:

1. Different Schedules

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If your work schedules are completely incompatible, that can make being in a relationship together pretty tricky. Different work schedules can greatly affect their relationship and intimacy.  This incompatibility in schedules can be noted among couples who are busy in their work, business, and career. Celebrity couples, for instance, who are busy with their own schedules in shooting and post-production promotion of their latest movies and gigs that they seldom find time to maintain and nourish their relationships. This is not to say early birds and night owls can’t make it work, but major differences in how two people operate day-to-day can create major date scheduling challenges and prevent momentum from being that wind behind your backs.

2. Different Relaxation Styles.

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If two people have completely different relaxation styles, it will be very challenging to make a relationship work.”Based on how someone likes to spend their weekend, I mentally put people into two different categories: ‘activities person’ or ‘homebody. Activities persons want to spend their relaxation by doing relaxing tasks such as swimming, drinking, camping, or doing some sports activities outdoor. Homebody persons feel more relaxed by resting or doing something worthwhile inside the home or indoor. This incompatibility in relaxation can lead to some frictions and stress in the marital relationship which can threaten the stability of the marital union.

3. Different Eating Habits

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“This can extend to physical activity as well. For instance, if one partner enjoys working out and eating healthy and the other partner isn’t as interested in this lifestyle, it can be incredibly frustrating for both parties.” If one partner is a vegetarian and the other is a “meat eater” can be a dangerous combination. There is always an argument or friction every time they dine together because of their differences in the choice of food.

“While you and your partner don’t have to be at the same level of fitness, share the same interests (maybe you like running marathons and they prefer to lift weights), or eat the exact same way, it’s important to at least have some commonalities when it comes to your health and lifestyle.”

4. Different Levels of Intelligence

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Similar levels of intelligence can dictate whether a relationship will work out or not. Intelligence can mean a general curiosity or interest in learning to better oneself, education or a college degree(s), or emotional intelligence. If you are on completely opposite sides of the spectrum, the relationship likely won’t work.

5. Different Ways of Expressing Emotions

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Differences in expressing emotions due to differences of personalities and social upbringing of couples can a deadly path towards a breakup or dire in marriage. A marital commitment is based on a constant negotiation between partners to maintain their relationship. This implies diplomacy, openness, and compromise to settle a dispute or marital conflict. But if one of the partners is more aggressive in expressing their emotions, especially anger, and the other would not give in, then the marital union can be in danger, particularly if the quarrel is persisting. In this case, a mature third party such as a counselor or common friend, would act as a referee or mediator can be desirable to avoid a breakup or separation.

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Reference

Fellizar, K. “The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers”. Bustle.com. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/the-15-incompatible-qualities-that-end-relationships-according-to-matchmakers-8102682.

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Best Strategies in Courting Women

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Introduction

Two things to remember before courting a woman. First, dating is different from courtship, although they are related. Dating can lead to courtship. Second, it is important to court one woman at a time. Finally, courtship is not a game but a preparation for marriage for the Catholic Church.

1. Dating is different from courting

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Maybe one thinks that dating and courting are the same thing, but actually, they’re very different. Dating is more casual, and he or she does not necessarily looking for someone serious. Rather it’s just testing the waters and having fun, completely understandable.

Courting is based on the idea of eventual marriage. Okay, if one is just had a shiver up your spine reading the word, “marry,” I get it, it’s big step. But courtship is really meant for those who are seriously looking for someone (Ivanovic).

2. You can only court one girl at a time

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One can’t be courting three girls at one time. It will not work. If one girl would know that your courting other girls, the guy would lose all his chances. So it’s important to just focus one’s attention on the one girl he is courting. If she’s not compatible then the guy must end the courtship and start courting someone else. If he courting a bunch of girls at once, his not really genuinely trying to get to know each one as well….” (Ivanovic).

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4 Top Strategies in Courting Women

1. Know the woman you’re courting: Do your homework. Do some background check before making your first move.

 

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This is the most important part in courting. Before taking a move, you should know your woman very well in order for you to get some idea on how to get on with her. The important things that you should know about her include her family, religion, friends, and personal background (Suminguit 12 Dec 2012).

2. Always pay attention to details when you’re  dealing with her.  Women love rose petals sprinkled on beds.  From little surprises to the opening of car doors, it’s the little things that women desire when they are being courted (Lovesujiery).

 

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3. Court when you’re thinking of marriage.

Don’t play games with the woman you’re courting. Courtship is a preparation for marriage. Close your eyes and think about it. Can you see this woman being your wife? If so, then why not give it a try and court her. You should really only be courting someone when you’re considering the idea of marrying them (Ivanovic).

4. Persistence pays in courtship: Sustained and persistent efforts in wooing a woman can make her fall in love in the long run.

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“Most women will fall in love to a guy that excels more efforts than those who are not. Efforts counts more than anything that you can imagine. They are weakness of women, the power of men. No matter how hard it will be, just don’t give up. Instead, excel more efforts.

Meet with her friends, or maybe her family. Visit her at home or go to a place she often visits. Love what she loves. Buy her flowers and chocolates without thinking that it is very crazy. Don’t you know that they love crazy stuff? It is just too cool for them.” (Suminguit 12 Dec 2012).

Catholic Church’s Teaching on Courtship

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Courtship is always a preparation for the Church. It’s a period of discovery whether 2 mature people are compatible for a lifelong commitment in the sacrament of matrimony. The longer the period of courtship, the better is the discovery period for the couple. Usually, it takes 2 or more years to know who the person one wishes to marry. Courtship can be a short period with a definitive end.  It ends either in an engagement or in the dissolution of the relationship (https://tradcatfem.com).

For the Church, building a chaste, holy marriage begins before one is married and the only legitimate reason for company-keeping is courtship, which is a preparation for marriage. Before embarking on a traditional Catholic courtship, both the man and the woman must ensure that they are both prepared, spiritually, financially, and mentally for marriage.

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Catholic marriage will take place only after the period of spiritual, mental and financial preparation has been completed by engaged couples  (https://tradcatfem.com).

 

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Photo Source: youtube.com

 

Photo Credit (except with attribution): Pixabay.com

References

Ivanovic, N. (n.d.). “How to Court a Woman: 15 Ways to Do It Like a Classy Gentleman”. LovePanky. Retrieved from https://www.lovepanky.com/men/attracting-and-dating-women/how-to-court-a-woman.

Lovesujiery (n.d.) “8 Ways women Want to be Courted by Men”. Babble. Retrieved from https://www.babble.com/relationships/8-ways-women-want-to-be-courted-by-men/.

Suminguit, R.J. (7 Dec 2012). “How to Court Your Girl in 5 Simple Steps”. BrighterYou:  Advice for Love. Retrieved from https://brighteryou.wordpress.com/2012/12/07/how-to-court-your-girl-in-5-simple-steps/.

________ (n.d.) “Stages of a Traditional Catholic Courtship”. Traditional Catholic Femininity. Retrieved from https://tradcatfem.com/2017/07/27/stages-of-traditional-catholic-courtship/.

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Top 7 Clues Your Husband is Having an Extramarital Affair

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1. He Often Avoids Eye Contact with You.

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If your husband frequently avoids eye contact with you, especially when you asked about his personal  activities and whereabouts, then be warned that he maybe hiding something. “Eyes are the doors to the soul. Even if your partner is having an affair, his soul is not able to give approval. Hence there is an element of guilt. At the same time, being a certain personality type, his way of behaving is to develop an emotional barrier between two of you. This one way emotional distance triggered by his infidelity wants to avoid emotional and physical intimacy with you as he has betrayed your trust” (greatlifezone.com).

2. He Suddenly Changes His Appearance.

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A person who falls in love usually becomes more conscious about his appearance, clothes, and health. “If your partner goes in for a makeover so that he can look a younger or more energetic man to look a different man, it may be more than a change of fashion sense, be warned.

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Just check if your husband has drastically changed his clothing style, hair do or appearance for no apparent need then he may be trying to impress the other woman” (greatlifezone.com).

3. He Suddenly Pampers You.

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Sometimes, being extra sweet to one’s wife can be a strategy of the husband to hide his extramarital affair. “In an unsuccessful bid to hide his extramarital, your spouse wants you to confuse you. So he showers you with expensive gifts, candle light dinners at fine dining restaurants thinking that you will never get any clue about his relationship outside of marriage and infidelity” (Ibid).

3. He has Suddenly Become Inaccessible.

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Another clue of marital infidelity is when he has suddenly made himself very unavailable. “Whenever at home, he is busy on computer working on some project or report or an urgent presentation. On holidays he doesn’t stay at home because he is attending ‘some training program” or “new skills workshop” or visiting a friend in hospital” (greatlifezone.com).

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4. He Changed His Phone Manners.

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“Have you noticed that your husband now picks up the phone on hearing a short beep? There is a half a smile on his when he is talking to ‘the caller” and he is trying to suppress his happiness and excitement. In your presence the voice conversations are short but chatting is long. He makes sure that after the ‘interaction’ he deletes the ‘history’” (greatlifezone.com).

 5. He Frequently Goes Home Late.

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If your husband is often goes home very late after work without justification is another clue that he has an affair with another woman. “Do you find yourself often going to bed before your partner? If your spouse stays up a lot when everyone else has gone to bed, it could mean he is doing things online that he’d rather keep private. Of course, it could just be he’s working or needs his privacy, just make sure not to take this possible warning sign for granted”(ph.theasianparent.com).

6. He Becomes Intensely Secretive about Gadgets

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Husbands who are unfaithful always hide from their wives the lines of communication with their mistresses. “Multiple passwords or lock codes on his phone, laptop, and social media accounts is a definitely a common red flag. Though we are all entitled to some privacy, a person who has nothing to hide will be fine with sharing access to these when asked” (ph.theasianparent.com).

7. He Becomes Emotionally Distant.

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The sudden change of his attitude to you, especially if he becomes emotionally distant to you without a valid reason, can be a major clue that he has lost interest in you because of another woman. In this case, he no longer opens up about his day or his feelings. Even during fights, he is no longer invested enough to argue or talk it out (ph.theasianparent.com).

References

greatlifezone.com (n.d.) “Top Signs Your Partner  is Having Extramarital Affair”. Retrieved from http://greatlifezone.com/top-signs-your-partner-is-having-extramarital-affair/.

phtheasianparent.com (n.d.). “10 Signs Your Husband is Cheating, According to former Mistress”. The Asia Parent, Philippines. Retrieved from https://ph.theasianparent.com/signs-your-husband-cheating-according-to-mistress/.

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7 Top Signs Your Husband is Cheating in Your Marriage

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1. He is often angry, critical and even at times cruel.

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One study showed that 70% of those surveyed reported this sign often coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs and little to no patience. One woman reported that at the worst point he was more than disrespectful. He was just plain rude, impatient, angry and aggressive. He was constantly picking fights and refused to help out in the home or with our children. He always complain even in trivial things.

2. He becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed.

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Most of those who had been cheated on reported this type of behavior. The husband becomes became self-absorbed and living as if he was single with his own agenda and plans. He became more and more disinterested in his wife, as well as in his family, friends, and daily needs.

3. He complains that he is being controlled, and yet he is guilty of controlling his wife.

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A husband who often tells his wife that he needs space and don’t want to be bothered can be a sign that his mind is preoccupied with something. Just like any person who is in love, your husband is probably daydreaming about his new crush and may also be thinking how to maintain his extramarital affairs without being discovered by you, his wife.

4. He often comes home late or absent due to work:  He increases his working hours, after work meetings, business trips, and out of town trips.

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If the husband often extends his working hours or spends business trips in prolonged period of time which he does not normally do, then he is probably seeing somebody in a romantic interlude.

5. He is paying extra close attention to his appearance.

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A husband who is extra conscious about his looks is a sign that he is falling in love with another woman. If he is buying new clothes, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym and other sudden fitness endeavors, then he is making himself adorable to another person and to you, his wife.

6. He becomes inappropriately defensive when asked question about his whereabouts or his changed of appearance and behavior.

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If your husband is not hiding something, he can be spontaneous in his answers to your queries. But if he is cheating, he would always do his best to keep his secret and infidelity. He would always make excuses on why he changed his appearance, behavior, and whereabouts.

7. He becomes overly conscious for his need for ‘privateness’ and staying up late at night to work on the computer. 

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If your husband is hiding an extramarital affairs, he would always insist privacy in some things that he is doing at home that is related to his infidelity. If he uses his computer or smart phones, he would always put passwords or open his messages alone. He would easily become irritated if you would intrude into his own private space and see what he is doing with his gadgets.

Concluding Words

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Seeing all or some of these signs in your husband is not a guarantee that your husband is indeed unfaithful. These are just signs that need to be verified. They are only some common indicators that point to infidelity in marriage. Your husband would not normally exhibit a sudden change of behavior and attitude towards you as wife and your children if he is not distracted by an affair with another woman.

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These alerts must, however, be validated by concrete proof or evidence. Hiring a detective to investigate can be an option. As a wife you must first do a scientific research if you notice some of these signs in your husband before jumping into the conclusion that his having an affair with another person. Remember that marriage is a lifetime commitment that needs to be negotiated “til death do us part”. The welfare of your children must be your top priority in case your husband is indeed unfaithful. Think and pray before you decide to divorce him and remember what Christ said:

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Photo Source: 316quotes.com

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Reference

Bercht, A. (n.d. ). “10 Signs of Infidelity.” Retrieved from https://beyondaffairs.com/suspicion-confrontation/signs-of-infidelity/.

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