4 Top Myths about Women and Courtship!

 

season 1 love GIF by The White Princess

Introduction

Hello to all my friends, followers, and subscribers!

In this post, we are going to clarify the role of women in courtship, whether they are active or passive in the process of wooing a partner, as well as their attitude to romance, whether they are more romantic than men and suffer more than them following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

It is widely believed in urban societies that women are more romantic than men and that they do not initiate the process of courtship. It is assumed by many that men must always initiate courtship. The women are expected to just wait for male initiatives and passively choose whose seductions and proposals from their suitors they would accept to become their boyfriends. Since women tend to read novels and romantic stories, it is also assumed that they are more romantic and that they would suffer more than men in dealing with separations or break-ups.

It is generally perceived as a cultural taboo for women to court men. Women would appear “cheap” or “easy to get” if they make the first move in expressing their feelings towards men they fall in love with. Thus one may ask: Do women really court men? Are women more romantic than men and would suffer more hardships after a serious break-up?

Let us examine the following top myths or falsehoods on women and courtship. I hope you will this post helpful in your social life.

Myth No. 1

Women are passive in courtship. Men should make the first move and the women only respond to it.

adult-blur-bouquet-236287

Fact:

Both women and men are active in courtship, albeit in different roles. The most common pattern is that women court men indirectly through nonverbal signs, while men court women directly through verbal contact.

 

Many people believe that women do not play an active role in courtship. Women are said to just wait for men to do the first move to court them. In patriarchal societies, it is always thought that men must initiate the courtship and control the entire process of establishing a romantic relationship. But some studies have shown that women are actually active in the courtship process (e.g. Moore & Butler, 1989; Grammer, 1989).

Although women do not  generally initiate verbal acts or explicitly express their affection for specific men, they nevertheless initiate the courtship process by first manifesting nonverbal signs of infatuation such as occasional glancing, dropping a handkerchief, being extra sweet, etc., hinting that they are interested or want to be pursued or courted. If men find these signs of interest by women worth pursuing, they usually would respond through verbal contact. Therefore both men and women are active in courtship. Courtship is not a one-way traffic. The women generally initiate the courtship process by showing signs of affection to the men that they fall in love with. Men generally respond to these signs through verbal moves to start the romantic relationship.

Research studies often point to the seductive eye contact as the most common nonverbal strategy used by women  to woo their men.

alluring-attractive-beautiful-808579

Of course, there are always exceptions. There are men who show nonverbal signs to women in order to show that they are attracted to them. But the most common pattern in courtship seems to be that the women provide the motive or nonverbal signs that they can be courted by certain men. In turn, men respond to these signs by verbal contact to complete the process of wooing.

Myth No. 2

Men are always aggressive in courting women even without signs of interest.

adult-affection-beard-842546

Fact:

Men are generally hesitant to court women without nonverbal signs of attraction from them. Their first move is usually contingent to women’s interest towards them.

Many people think that men can just court any woman they are attracted to even without any signs of  seduction. But research studies show a different picture! Men tend to be hesitant to approach and court women without some form of seduction or nonverbal signals of attraction. These signals seem to be very important because males are generally hesitant to approach a female in the absence of indications of interest (Crook, 1972).

attractive-beautiful-brickwall-919615

The very frequency of approaches by males appears to be highly correlated to the frequency of a female’s nonverbal solicitation (Moore & Butler, 1989). Thus, in response to these signals males often make the first overt move.

Males usually say they’d use seduction more frequently than females and they erroneously conclude that they started the interaction (Grammer, 1989). But the male seductions appear to be contingent on the female’s initiating behaviors. They do not seduce women if they feel that the latter are not interested. Despite the sensitivity to the females’ subtle signals, men still process these signals in a largely sub-conscious way and would only initiate verbal moves if they are certain that women have special interest towards them.

adults-beautiful-casual-323180 (1)

Myth No. 3

Women are more romantic than men in courtship.

adult-affection-boat-265878

Fact:

Although women tend to read romantic novels and stories, studies show that men are actually more romantic than women in their outlook on love and invest more in building up the relationship.

 

Since most romance novels and romantic comedies are marketed to female audiences, women are generally considered more romantic than men. But one study that adopted the much-used Romantic Beliefs Scale indicated men have more romantic beliefs than women. It asked the respondents to rate the extent to which they agree with statements like, “There will only be one real love for me,” and, “If I love someone, I know I can make the relationship work, despite any obstacles.” The results showed that men typically outscore women on romantic beliefs.

 beautiful-blur-bridal-256737

Moreover, men are more likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight.” They are also more likely to invest more time and resources in building up their romantic relationship. In one research, men tend to spend more money for Valentine’s day than women. Sending a Valentine’s card is said to be sufficient for women. But men would go an extra mile to show their romantic affection for their partners by buying flowers, providing chocolates, arranging a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, booking a weekend away, buying theater tickets and splashing out on champagne or jewellery. This is a finding of a survey of around 2,000 men and women done by the researchers Consumer Intelligence for Valentine’s Day.

Myth No. 4

Women suffer more than men in serious romantic break-ups because  of their emotional sensitivity.

adult-alone-black-and-white-568021

 

Fact: 

Research studies show that since men have fewer friends to share their personal problems compared to women,  they are more likely to suffer more heartaches than women following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

 

Many research studies show that women are more emotional than men. Thus, women are stereotyped as experiencing more anxiety, guilt, sadness, and anger following relational dissolution than men.

Surprisingly, there are also other studies that show that women are more responsible when deciding to end the relationship. They tend to play the role of breakup initiator more often than do men. They become conscious of relational problems sooner than men do, which allows them time to prepare for the breakup and consequently leave men surprised by the revelation.

Men tend to be more vulnerable, shocked, or upset after romantic separations. A study by Shimek and Bello (2014) revealed that men handle the ending of a romantic relationship worse than women. They also have stronger feelings of sadness, depression, and loneliness compared to women.

Men have fewer individuals they can rely on and turn to for some support after a romantic break-up. They become emotionally devastated after a separation because their primary confidant was their now absent partner. A research by Day and Livingstone (2003) indicated that women are more likely to confide in others about their romantic problems, while men are more independent and often refrain from expressing their emotions to their friends.

Thank you for reading this post! Please comment, like, or share this post to help others. Cheers and best wishes!

 Photo credit: Pexels.com free photos

References

Arla L. Day, and Holly A. Livingstone. “Gender differences in perceptions of stressors and utilization of social support among university students.” Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science 35 (2003): 73–83.

Sally A. Shumaker, and D. Robin Hill. “Gender differences in social support and physical health.” Health Psychology 10 (1991): 102–11.

Shimek, C. & Bello, R. (2014). Coping with Break-Ups: Rebound Relationships and Gender Socialization. Soc. Sci. 2014, 3(1), 24-43; doi:10.3390/socsci3010024.

The Telegraph. “It’s official: men are more romantic than women”. Retrieved from https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/9860958/Its-official-men-are-more-romantic-than-women.html.

Seidman, G. (1 Oct 2014). “6 Myths About Men, Women, and Relationships”. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201409/6-myths-about-men-women-and-relationships.

 

Does Age Imply Control in a Relationship?

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Age does matter in a relationship whether one likes it or not. Although there other personal and social factors that can affect the social interaction of couples in a particular society, age definitely has an effect on the way partners relate with each other. Age is an informal social norm that somehow affects social interaction. The higher is the age, the higher is the influence of the older partner over the younger companion. Because he or she has more experience, the older partner will tend to guide the younger mate. This is particularly true if the age gap is wider.

Age implies length of experience in life. Older people have more encounters with tragedies and problems in life compared to younger ones. Thus, they tend dominate younger partners because they tend to believe that they know better than the other. Of course, this is only a general rule, since personality and other social factors can overcome this tendency. Thus, a younger partner with a domineering personality can control an older partner with a weaker personality. For instance, a gut person can easily dominate a heart or head person despite the age gap. Inspite of this, older people still tend to play the parent role in the relationship in general.

Thomas Anthony Harris published a classic self-help book entitled I’m OK – You’re OK as a practical guide to transactional analysis as a method for solving problems in life.Transactional analysis (TA) is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social transactions are analyzed to determine the ego state of the patient. A person’s ego can either act as a parent, adult, and child depending on the situation.

The problem with older partners in a loving relationship is that they tend to often act on their parent egos and dominate the younger partners who are forced to act on their adult or child roles to avoid conflict in their daily interactions. Thus, depending on the cultural standards, it is advisable that the age gap of lovers must be not very wide as this can pose problems both in their personal interaction and relationship adjustment. Maybe, 5 years or less is age gap is preferable, but more than 10 age gap can be challenging for couples to maintain their relationship. Of course, what matters most are the maturity and commitment of the partners to stay together despite the odds in the relationship.

071316-married-celebs-age-gaps-slide-7

Photo1:     Hollywood couple with 20-year age gap: JASON STATHAM AND ROSIE HUNTINGTON WHITELEY (Photo credit: ALBERTO RODRIGUEZ/NBC/GETTY)

Photo2: Harrison Ford and his wife Calista Flockhart with 22 years age gap (Photo credit:STEVE GRANITZ/WIREIMAGE)

5 Most Unique Love Stories in History

episode 9 peter GIF by The Bachelorette

1. Anthony and Cleopatra

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“The true love story of Antony and Cleopatra is one of the most memorable, intriguing and moving of all times. The story of these two historical characters had later been dramatized by William Shakespeare and is still staged all over the world. The relationship of Antony and Cleopatra is a true test of love. They fell in love at first sight. The relationship between these two powerful people put the country of Egypt in a powerful position. But their love affair outraged the Romans who were wary of the growing powers of the Egyptians. Despite all the threats, Anthony and Cleopatra got married. It is said that while fighting a battle against Romans, Antony got false news of Cleopatra’s death. Shattered, he fell on his sword. When Cleopatra learned about Antony ‘s death, she was shocked. And she took her own life. Great love demands great sacrifices” (AmO).

2. Romeo and Juliet

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“Probably the most famous love story of all was written by the celebrated English poet and playwright William Shakespeare sometime in the 1590s. Shakespeare’s story of the tragic love between Romeo and Juliet is probably based on Arthur Brooke’s poem The Tragical History of Romeus and Juliet that was published in the 1560s. The latter is believed to be an English translation of a novella of Italian writer Matteo Bandello. But even his Romeo and Juliet are not original” (History Lists).

3. Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal

taj mahal india GIF

“Their names may largely be unfamiliar to most people in the West but their love produced a monument that is famous all over the world – Taj Mahal. Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal were Mughal Royal couple who shared a loving marriage until Mumtaz died while giving birth to their 14th child. Shah Jahan was devastated by his wife’s death and plunged into deep grief that affected him both emotionally and physically. But his grief inspired him to build one of the world’s greatest architectural masterpieces to serve as the final resting place of his beloved wife” (History Lists).

4. Bonnie and Clyde

faye dunaway we rob banks GIF

“Bonnie and Clyde, lovers and criminals who traveled the Central United States during the Great Depression were not considered as romantic back then as they are today. Their gang was responsible for at least nine police officer and several civilian deaths. It is unsure how the couple met but it is thought that it was love at a first sight. When Bonnie and Clyde met (probably in 1930), the latter already had a criminal record but that obviously did not bother Bonnie. She decided to join him in his criminal undertakings and stayed with him until the very end. They were ambushed by the police in Bienville Parish, Louisiana in 1934 and killed” (History Lists).

5. Heloise and Abelard

jean-jacques rousseau animation GIF by ARTEfr

“British poet Alexander Pope turned their story into a piece of classic literature, but Heloise and Abelard were in fact real, ridiculously in love, and doomed to a tragic end in mid 12th century France. Abelard was the girl’s live-in tutor, 20 years her senior, and the romance so enraged her disapproving uncle that he had Abelard castrated shortly after they were discovered. Distraught, the lovers entered the monastery and wrote a set of now-famous letters to each other until their death, though they never met again” (Whipps, 2011).

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

AmO (n.d.). “Top 20 Most Famous Love Stories in History and Literature”. Retrieved from http://amolife.com/reviews/top-20-most-famous-love-stories-in-history-and-literature.html.

History Lists (n.d.). “10 Greatest Love Stories in History.” Retrieved from http://historylists.org/other/10-greatest-love-stories-in-history.html.

Whipps, H. (7 Nov 2011). The Most Tragic Love Story in History. Retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/16922-history-tragic-love-stories.html.

Thank you for reading this post. subscribe or follow this blog for more updates.

4 Top Myths about Women and Courtship!

season 1 love GIF by The White Princess

Introduction

It is widely believed in urban societies that women are more romantic than men and that they do not initiate the process of courtship. It is assumed by many that men must always initiate courtship. The women are expected to just wait for male initiatives and passively choose whose seductions and proposals from their suitors they would accept to become their boyfriends. Since women tend to read novels and romantic stories, it is also assumed that they are more romantic and that they would suffer more than men in dealing with separations or break-ups.

It is generally perceived as a cultural taboo for women to court men. Women would appear “cheap” or “easy to get” if they make the first move in expressing their feelings towards men they fall in love with. Thus one may ask: Do women really court men? Are women more romantic than men and would suffer more hardships after a serious break-up?

Let us examine the following top myths or falsehoods on women and courtship. I hope you will this post helpful in your social life.

Myth No. 1

Women are passive in courtship. Men should make the first move and the women only respond to it.

vd GIF

Fact:

Both women and men are active in courtship, albeit in different roles. The most common pattern is that women court men indirectly through nonverbal signs, while men court women directly through verbal contact.

Many people believe that women do not play an active role in courtship. Women are said to just wait for men to do the first move to court them. In patriarchal societies, it is always thought that men must initiate the courtship and control the entire process of establishing a romantic relationship. But some studies have shown that women are actually active in the courtship process (e.g. Moore & Butler, 1989; Grammer, 1989).

edited by me GIF

Although women do not  generally initiate verbal acts or explicitly express their affection for specific men, they nevertheless initiate the courtship process by first manifesting nonverbal signs of infatuation such as occasional glancing, dropping a handkerchief, being extra sweet, etc., hinting that they are interested or want to be pursued or courted. If men find these signs of interest by women worth pursuing, they usually would respond through verbal contact. Therefore both men and women are active in courtship. Courtship is not a one-way traffic. The women generally initiate the courtship process by showing signs of affection to the men that they fall in love with. Men generally respond to these signs through verbal moves to start the romantic relationship.

Animated GIF

Research studies often point to the seductive eye contact as the most common nonverbal strategy used by women  to woo their men.

nina dobrev hunts GIF

Of course, there are always exceptions. There are men who show nonverbal signs to women in order to show that they are attracted to them. But the most common pattern in courtship seems to be that the women provide the motive or nonverbal signs that they can be courted by certain men. In turn, men respond to these signs by verbal contact to complete the process of wooing.

Myth No. 2

Men are always aggressive in courting women even without signs of interest.

justin bieber GIF

Fact:

Men are generally hesitant to court women without nonverbal signs of attraction from them. Their first move is usually contingent to women’s interest towards them.

Many people think that men can just court any woman they are attracted to even without any signs of  seduction. But research studies show a different picture! Men tend to be hesitant to approach and court women without some form of seduction or nonverbal signals of attraction. These signals seem to be very important because males are generally hesitant to approach a female in the absence of indications of interest (Crook, 1972).

brave GIF

The very frequency of approaches by males appears to be highly correlated to the frequency of a female’s nonverbal solicitation (Moore & Butler, 1989). Thus, in response to these signals males often make the first overt move.

Males usually say they’d use seduction more frequently than females and they erroneously conclude that they started the interaction (Grammer, 1989). But the male seductions appear to be contingent on the female’s initiating behaviors. They do not seduce women if they feel that the latter are not interested. Despite the sensitivity to the females’ subtle signals, men still process these signals in a largely sub-conscious way and would only initiate verbal moves if they are certain that women have special interest towards them.

Myth No. 3

Women are more romantic than men in courtship.

Animated GIF

Fact:

Although women tend to read romantic novels and stories, studies show that men are actually more romantic than women in their outlook on love and invest more in building up the relationship.

Since most romance novels and romantic comedies are marketed to female audiences, women are generally considered more romantic than men. But one study that adopted the much-used Romantic Beliefs Scale indicated men have more romantic beliefs than women. It asked the respondents to rate the extent to which they agree with statements like, “There will only be one real love for me,” and, “If I love someone, I know I can make the relationship work, despite any obstacles.” The results showed that men typically outscore women on romantic beliefs.

gigi hadid GIF 

Moreover, men are more likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight.” They are also more likely to invest more time and resources in building up their romantic relationship. In one research, men tend to spend more money for Valentine’s day than women. Sending a Valentine’s card is said to be sufficient for women. But men would go an extra mile to show their romantic affection for their partners by buying flowers, providing chocolates, arranging a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, booking a weekend away, buying theater tickets and splashing out on champagne or jewellery. This is a finding of a survey of around 2,000 men and women done by the researchers Consumer Intelligence for Valentine’s Day.

Myth No. 4

Women suffer more than men in serious romantic break-ups because  of their emotional sensitivity.

britney spears crying GIF

Fact: 

Research studies show that since men have fewer friends to share their personal problems compared to women,  they are more likely to suffer more heartaches than women following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

Many research studies show that women are more emotional than men. Thus, women are stereotyped as experiencing more anxiety, guilt, sadness, and anger following relational dissolution than men.

Surprisingly, there are also other studies that show that women are more responsible when deciding to end the relationship. They tend to play the role of breakup initiator more often than do men. They become conscious of relational problems sooner than men do, which allows them time to prepare for the breakup and consequently leave men surprised by the revelation.

sad andre johnson GIF

Men tend to be more vulnerable, shocked, or upset after romantic separations. A study by Shimek and Bello (2014) revealed that men handle the ending of a romantic relationship worse than women. They also have stronger feelings of sadness, depression, and loneliness compared to women.

Men have fewer individuals they can rely on and turn to for some support after a romantic break-up. They become emotionally devastated after a separation because their primary confidant was their now absent partner. A research by Day and Livingstone (2003) indicated that women are more likely to confide in others about their romantic problems, while men are more independent and often refrain from expressing their emotions to their friends.

Thank you for reading this post! Please comment, like, or share this post to help others. Cheers and best wishes!

GIF credits: Giphy.com

References

Arla L. Day, and Holly A. Livingstone. “Gender differences in perceptions of stressors and utilization of social support among university students.” Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science 35 (2003): 73–83.

Sally A. Shumaker, and D. Robin Hill. “Gender differences in social support and physical health.” Health Psychology 10 (1991): 102–11.

Shimek, C. & Bello, R. (2014). Coping with Break-Ups: Rebound Relationships and Gender Socialization. Soc. Sci. 2014, 3(1), 24-43; doi:10.3390/socsci3010024.

The Telegraph. “It’s official: men are more romantic than women”. Retrieved from https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/9860958/Its-official-men-are-more-romantic-than-women.html.

Seidman, G. (1 Oct 2014). “6 Myths About Men, Women, and Relationships”. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201409/6-myths-about-men-women-and-relationships.

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Is It Easy to Maintain a Long-Distance Love?

people-2590616_640

The great Benjamin Franklin once said that “Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

Research studies showed that geographical proximity is a major factor that causes people to fall in love and deepen their romantic relationship. Distance matters in a relationship. The closer the person to his or her crush the higher is the probability of establishing a romantic relationship.

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Proximity in distance due to similarity of jobs, schools, religion, church, or group affiliation can facilitate frequent face-to-face social interactions that provide more opportunities for people to fall in love. Physical closeness of people is the main reason why research studies showed that many married couples are either office mates, classmates, schoolmates, or members of the same group or organization. Therefore one would wonder whether a long-distance relationship of romantic partners can end up in marriage if the couple is separated by long distances that minimize face-to-face interactions. The following case will illustrate how an intimate relationship became problematic due to physical separation of the romantic couple:

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“My girlfriend and I have been in a committed and long distance relationship… Despite all the ups and downs, we’ve managed to make it a year. Lately, I’ve found out she’s falling out of love? She’s still with me but I could feel her going numb. It’s killing me as I love her to death, I do the extra mile for her, be there for her all the time, write poems, buy her flowers, make her little cute videos…I genuinely love her and I know she loves me too… But her falling out is killing it all….” [1]

The Limits of Digital and Electronic Communication 

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It’s easier to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship today than 20 years ago because of digital technology and the Internet.  But generally, it is easier to maintain a short-distance relationship than a long-distance one especially when there is a problem in communication. I know one couple who became separated when the boyfriend migrated to a far country because he was petitioned by his parents as a permanent resident, together with his father and other siblings. Although he regularly communicated with his girlfriend through the social media and the smart phone, the physical separation seems very painful for both, especially to the girlfriend. Thus, after around 7 or 8 months abroad, he took a leave from his work and went back home to see his girlfriend despite the expensive airfare he has to shoulder.

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Digital communication could not really substitute physical presence in a romantic or marital relationship. Intimacy requires face-to-face interaction. Although digital or electronic technologies offer instant text messaging, chatting, or video conferencing, they could not fully satisfy the human need for touch or personal and sexual intimacy for  couples and romantic partners to deepen their relationship. Long distance relationship is, therefore, difficult to maintain especially if both partners or spouses do not believe in some higher or spiritual values that can cement their commitment for each other and if one or both partners do not encounter exciting people or encounter serious conflicts in the relationship that would tempt them to abandon their original partnership.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

References

[1]“I Love My Girlfriend” by h4n5dj22 in www.experienceproject.com

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