9 Top Signs Your Boyfriend is a Playboy

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1. He is usually a good-looking man.

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Cheers! You’ve got a man that you can be proud of to your friends in terms of looks and sociability! Playboys are usually good-looking and sociable human beings. But they can’t be reliable in terms of fidelity and commitment. If your boyfriend is a playboy and an expert in the game of love, he is not only charming to you but also to others.  He always want to be on top of his game. That is why he is always conscious about his appearance, physical shape, and demeanor. Since women generally like men who are confident, he is usually slow in movements and actions, always a gentleman to impress you that he is the man you’re looking for! But things are not what they seem! If you’re looking for a man who date you in the altar, then a playboy is not the Mr. Right for you! Move on and find another man!

2. He’s evasive and mysterious.

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Your relationship with him is not constant or solid. Actually he is always mysterious about personal things. You would rarely have him tell you about his dreams, aspirations or insecurities. They are just protective about personal data. He wouldn’t want you to use these things against him at some point. Playboys are always hiding something but they tend to master the art of deception. So do a background check of the person you are dating!

3. His words do not match his actions.

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A playboy boyfriend is good at giving promises to his girlfriends. He is eloquent and usually a master of the art of persuasion. He can play with words. He says one thing and does another thing. He makes promises he cannot keep. In fact he is more about calming your feelings for the moment rather than acting to making sure you are secure.

4. He doesn’t make contact when he’s away.

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A playboy usually has other relationships. So he cannot devote his entire attention to one girl or partner.  If he’s out of town for three days or three weeks he would usually avoid contacting you as his girlfriend. As soon as he comes back, though, best believe you’ll be the first person he hits up, saying sorry and coming up with ‘I had network problems’ excuses – or my personal favorite, ‘My battery died’. So, wherever you were, no-one had a phone charger?

5. He will tell you he’s not like others.

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A testimony about one’s self is actually self-serving. Don’t immediately believe him. A playboy boyfriend is usually good at blaming others but not himself. It’s important to him that you believe him when he says he’s not like the others. He will even get ‘hurt’ when you accuse him of being just like everyone else.

6. He has other relationships.

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Boy! Playboys are not satisfied with one girl and one relationship. They are not born to be like this, though. They are probably influenced by their own fathers, relatives, and friends who are womanizers and who do not respect women’s dignity by sticking to one partner. He cannot commit to you as your boyfriend and promise you marriage because his attention is divided with other girls. But take note that playboys are good at hiding his other relationships. He deletes videos and text messaging that can incriminate him!

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7. He often talks about sex in your relationship.

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Since playboys are only after sex, they have no capacity to go beyond the physical and the material. They have no intention of marrying you. Their conversations are usually full of sexual innuendos that reflect they state of mind. They can be handsy, touching your body when in public and private places. Run away from him and find a suitable partner!

8. He’s not willing to show you to his friends and family.

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Playboys are not fond of introducing their “collection” of girls to their families, relatives and friends. If your boyfriend is not introducing you to his family, close relatives, and friends, he is probably a playboy. He is not interested of establishing a long-term commitment with you in marriage. Remember that marriage of two people is also a union of two families and their network of relatives and friends. If he is keeping you away from his family and relatives, he’s probably thinking only of a short-term relationship with you and may only be thinking of having sex with you! He’s in a hurry. If this is the case, start looking for another guy worthy of your love!

9. He’s not clear about the relationship.

mtv dating GIF by The Hills

The relationship can be vague and mysterious. Veteran playboys do not want a long-term relationship that can lead to marriage. He only wants temporary relationship. He is  ever giving you every detail about his whereabouts or what he is up to when he is not with you. He has no clear plans of the future. He just only wants erotic relationship with you. Playboys are certified womanizers. Thus, run away from your playboy-boyfriend and find a more honest and sincere man who wants to marry you in the future.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Cosmo (n.d.) 5 signs You’re Dating a Playboy. Cosmopolitan. Retrieved from https://www.cosmopolitan.co.za/sex-relationships/5-signs-youre-dating-playboy/.

Imafidon, C. (n.d.). 13 Things Only Girls Who Date A Playboy Would Know. Lifehack.org. https://www.lifehack.org/324408/13-things-only-girls-who-date-playboy-would-know.

What is a Deceptive Love?

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Fig. 3.6 “Romantic Couple” by Ambro (Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

     Let us start with a short story of a man who had mental reservation or lying when he didn’t tell his girlfriend that he is already in love with another woman while still in relationship with her. This can be considered a form of deceptive love:

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

I had a boyfriend for five years and seven months. His name was Anton and we were deeply in love. At least I’d like to believe that he was in love with me, too. We had dreams of getting married in the year 2000 and we agreed to name our first baby girl with both our mothers’ names.

For five years, my life focused on Anton. He was my world and my life, and he always came first. My friends, family, career and even myself came after. My heart and mind were already set on having him as my husband–my lifetime partner. Nothing and no one could change that. His family and friends knew about us and accepted me. They were all kind to me and treated me well. I remember his brothers and sisters introducing me to their friends as “our future sister-in-law”. Everyone thought it would be Anton and me in the end.

Third quarter of this year, we began having frequent fights over small things like where to eat, what movie to watch and whether he would see me or not. He’d tell me he was under a lot of pressure from both his work and his relationship with me so I proposed we “cool off” for awhile. I told him that in the meantime, I wouldn’t call him or see him as often as I wanted to, but I’d always be around if ever he needed me.

Without a second thought, he accepted my proposal and told me to just end the relationship. Joe, it was as if he had just waited for me to initiate the breakup.

I was shocked and surprised. The man I love and gave my life to was letting me go. Though it hurt, I accepted the idea because I thought he was just tired from work and confused. I thought that after a few days, we’d both realize that we really need and love each other.

When we parted ways, I couldn’t help but cry. The following day I called him and asked if we could still talk about it. I asked him the real reason and he told me that he was tired of my demands. He was tired of being committed and just wanted to be alone for awhile. I told him I’d change but Anton remained firm in his decision.

Twenty days after our breakup, we agreed to meet in our old meeting place for dinner. However, he didn’t show up despite my numerous pages reminding him that I was waiting. When the mall closed, I decided to go home and on my way, I saw him with another woman. What made it even painful was that he just ignored me, as if he didn’t see me. For two days, I was absent from work, I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. I didn’t know what was happening, why he was with that girl when he was supposed to meet me–that same girl my friends saw him with minutes before our breakup…. (Source: http://sobrangcheezy.blogspot.hk/2010/03/joe-dmangos-love-notes-time-to-move-on.html).

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

    Not all forms of romantic love are sincere and honest. Some are deceptive. Romantic partners can appear as angels but deep inside they are motivated to take advantage of the other.  Having your heart broken is the easy part; knowing when to move on is the challenge. One must be careful not to enter into a deceptive love relationship. This type of love is based on lies and deceit. And the innocent victim of this type of love will end up frustrated and broken hearted.

      Deceptive love is a fake type of romantic love where one or both partners either consciously or unconsciously mislead the other in an effort to dishonestly establish trust and intimacy. The person who engages in this type of romantic love follows a sort of “catch and release” pattern. He or she is more interested in catching more fish (lovers) than in staying in love and maintaining a long-term relationship. His or her intention is ‘to collect” more girlfriends or boyfriends and enjoy whatever social, emotional, and sexual benefits he or she can reap while in intimacy with their partners. But he or she would eventually break up with some of his or her partner/s if he or she becomes dissatisfied with the relationship. This is the case of a person who is tagged as a “playboy” or “playgirl”, a person who likes to establish multiple romantic relationships with other people without serious intention of establishing a lasting relationship or true love.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

      This is an unhealthy and functional type of “love”. The person falls in love with another for selfish motives. This is common in the social media where anonymous individuals, using fictitious identity, establish romantic relationships with other users through chatting and other digital means of communication. One woman in the Philippines became a victim of this type of love on Facebook. She fell in love with a man she only knew through the social media. After establishing romantic relationship, the man requested her nude photo. Then he extorted her money, demanding that she should give him a certain amount or else he would post her nude picture online.

     In the study “Understanding the Routine Expression of Deceptive Affection in Romantic Relationships,” deceptive affection means that an individual in a romantic relationship chooses to express affection he or she does not actually feel. According to this study, non-married individuals expressed deceptive affection about three times a week to romantic partners.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay

      Couples who are not in good terms with their partners usually use deceptive affection to save face, avoid embarrassing their partner or sidestep a situation that may land them in hot water. This can include lying about one’s own feelings or feelings about a partner and expressing affection instead of negative feelings.  Some studies showed that couples use verbal and non-verbal affection in hopes that a sweet caress or profession of love will mask their true feelings. The use of affection to lie appears to be a regular activity in romantic relationships. Thus, people can be extra sweet with their partners to gain material favors such as owning a new car, house and lot, or signing a pre-nuptial agreement to gain an inheritance of the wealthy partner. Deceptive affection can actually help maintain a relationship in some cases. But affections in deceptive love are only a facade of the selfish motives of some romantics to take advantage of their partners.

12 signs to move on

Source: Pinterest

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What is a Deceptive Love?

donnie darko GIF

Let us start with a short story of a man who had mental reservation or lying when he didn’t tell his girlfriend that he is already in love with another woman while still in relationship with her. This story can be considered a form of deceptive love:

young lady crying GIF

I had a boyfriend for five years and seven months. His name was Anton and we were deeply in love. At least I’d like to believe that he was in love with me, too. We had dreams of getting married in the year 2000 and we agreed to name our first baby girl with both our mothers’ names.

For five years, my life focused on Anton. He was my world and my life, and he always came first. My friends, family, career and even myself came after. My heart and mind were already set on having him as my husband–my lifetime partner. Nothing and no one could change that. His family and friends knew about us and accepted me. They were all kind to me and treated me well. I remember his brothers and sisters introducing me to their friends as “our future sister-in-law”. Everyone thought it would be Anton and me in the end.

Third quarter of this year, we began having frequent fights over small things like where to eat, what movie to watch and whether he would see me or not. He’d tell me he was under a lot of pressure from both his work and his relationship with me so I proposed we “cool off” for awhile. I told him that in the meantime, I wouldn’t call him or see him as often as I wanted to, but I’d always be around if ever he needed me.

Without a second thought, he accepted my proposal and told me to just end the relationship. Joe, it was as if he had just waited for me to initiate the breakup.

lady gaga judas GIF

I was shocked and surprised. The man I love and gave my life to was letting me go. Though it hurt, I accepted the idea because I thought he was just tired from work and confused. I thought that after a few days, we’d both realize that we really need and love each other.

When we parted ways, I couldn’t help but cry. The following day I called him and asked if we could still talk about it. I asked him the real reason and he told me that he was tired of my demands. He was tired of being committed and just wanted to be alone for awhile. I told him I’d change but Anton remained firm in his decision.

yvonne waiting GIF by People of Earth TBSyvonne waiting GIF by People of Earth TBS

Twenty days after our breakup, we agreed to meet in our old meeting place for dinner. However, he didn’t show up despite my numerous pages reminding him that I was waiting. When the mall closed, I decided to go home and on my way, I saw him with another woman. What made it even painful was that he just ignored me, as if he didn’t see me. For two days, I was absent from work, I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. I didn’t know what was happening, why he was with that girl when he was supposed to meet me–that same girl my friends saw him with minutes before our breakup…. (Source: http://sobrangcheezy.blogspot.hk/2010/03/joe-dmangos-love-notes-time-to-move-on.html).

cropped-couple-1845620_640.jpg

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

    Not all forms of romantic love are sincere and honest. Some are deceptive. Romantic partners can appear as angels but deep inside they are motivated to take advantage of the other.  Having your heart broken is the easy part; knowing when to move on is the challenge. One must be careful not to enter into a deceptive love relationship. This type of love is based on lies and deceit. And the innocent victim of this type of love will end up frustrated and broken hearted.

      Deceptive love is a fake type of romantic love where one or both partners either consciously or unconsciously mislead the other in an effort to dishonestly establish trust and intimacy. The person who engages in this type of romantic love follows a sort of “catch and release” pattern. He or she is more interested in catching more fish (lovers) than in staying in love and maintaining a long-term relationship. His or her intention is ‘to collect” more girlfriends or boyfriends and enjoy whatever social, emotional, and sexual benefits he or she can reap while in intimacy with their partners. But he or she would eventually break up with some of his or her partner/s if he or she becomes dissatisfied with the relationship. This is the case of a person who is tagged as a “playboy” or “playgirl”, a person who likes to establish multiple romantic relationships with other people without serious intention of establishing a lasting relationship or true love.

cropped-pexels-photo-41068.jpeg

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

      This is an unhealthy and functional type of “love”. The person falls in love with another for selfish motives. This is common in the social media where anonymous individuals, using fictitious identity, establish romantic relationships with other users through chatting and other digital means of communication. One woman in the Philippines became a victim of this type of love on Facebook. She fell in love with a man she only knew through the social media. After establishing romantic relationship, the man requested her nude photo. Then he extorted her money, demanding that she should give him a certain amount or else he would post her nude picture online.

     In the study “Understanding the Routine Expression of Deceptive Affection in Romantic Relationships,” deceptive affection means that an individual in a romantic relationship chooses to express affection he or she does not actually feel. According to this study, non-married individuals expressed deceptive affection about three times a week to romantic partners.

tv show hug GIF by Animal Kingdom on TNT

      Couples who are not in good terms with their partners usually use deceptive affection to save face, avoid embarrassing their partner or sidestep a situation that may land them in hot water. This can include lying about one’s own feelings or feelings about a partner and expressing affection instead of negative feelings.  Some studies showed that couples use verbal and non-verbal affection in hopes that a sweet caress or profession of love will mask their true feelings. The use of affection to lie appears to be a regular activity in romantic relationships. Thus, people can be extra sweet with their partners to gain material favors such as owning a new car, house and lot, or signing a prenuptial agreement to gain an inheritance of the wealthy partner. Deceptive affection can actually help maintain a relationship in some cases. But affection and care in deceptive love are only a facade of the selfish motives of some romantics to take advantage of their partners.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Thank for reading this post. Follow this blog via email for more updates.

What is Love Obsession Stalking?

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Love stalking is one of the most unhealthy types of romantic love. It is often associated with mental or psychological disorder. In one of the most comprehensive studies of stalking, Rosemary Purcell, Michele Pathé and Paul Mullen from the Victorian Institute of Forensic Mental Health and Monash University, in Australia, surveyed 3700 adult men and women and found almost one in four had been stalked.

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In addition, a study published in the ‘Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry’ also found out that women were twice as likely as men to report having been stalked at some time in their lives. As younger people were significantly more likely than older to report having been stalked, the authors wondered if this was evidence that stalking was significantly increasing in modern times [1]”.

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Love obsession stalking is done by people who develop a love obsession or fixation on another person with whom they have no personal relationship. The target may be only a casual acquaintance or even a complete stranger. The stalker begins to make contact with the victim in a variety of ways that may initially seem harmless, but their continued presence generates fear and terror for the victim.

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“Peeping Toms” should not be taken lightly, and can pose a very real threat to their victims. This category represents about 20-25 percent (20-25%) of all stalking cases. Stalkers in this category include those who develop fixations on regular, ordinary people- including classmates, their instructors, casual acquaintances or people they pass on campus.

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The vast majority of love obsession stalkers suffer from a mental disorder. Regardless of the specific disorder, nearly all display some delusional thought patterns and behaviors. Since most are unable to develop normal personal relationships through conventional means, they have a life of fantasy relationships with persons they hardly know, if at all. They then attempt to act out their fictional plots in the real world.

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Love obsession stalkers can be treated if the person afflicted by it, realizes what he or she is doing is wrong and needs help. “Help can be found in a good friend or a good counselor, who can bring them back to their senses and put them back on track. However, they can only show you the way. It is you who must realize the futility of the obsession and let go from within [2].

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Before you can overcome a love obsession you first have to recognize that you are indeed obsessed with the person who you believe you love. Love is engaging and gratifying, while obsession is overwhelming and draining. Love allows you to be seen for who you are and still be accepted, obsession causes you to see character traits that are not there and makes you think you have found perfection.

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Love allows a relationship to grow and strengthen, obsession creates an intense feeling to form a premature commitment. When you love you become a lover, when you obsess you can become a stalker” [3].

Thank you for reading this post. Please feel free to comment, like and share this revised post. Cheers and God bless!

Photo credit for all pictures of this post: Pexels.com free photos

Reference

[1] http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/dr-raj-persaud/valentines-day-love-stalking_b_2676822.html

[2] “What Motives a Stalker” in http://www.wgac.colostate.edu/types-of-stalkers.

[3] http://datingtips.match.com/overcome-love-obsessions-13203757.html

When Love Runs Dry and No One Else to Turn to…

Introduction   

         Hello to all my friends, followers, and subscribers of this blog! Thanks for your usual support, particularly for your views and likes this week! I am wishing you all the best to your plans, activities, and endeavors today!

       This post will be all about incompatibilities, insincerity, and lack of options in relationships. It also tries to describe and differentiate true love from deceptive one.  Love can mean different things to various groups of people. But many contemporary urban societies enamored with the idea of romantic love, a true love is said to be a mutual self-giving that is sincere  and based on trust, accepting the other no matter who he or she is!

Incompatibilities in Relationships are Facts of Life

           Couples always wish that their relationships should develop smoothly as they want them to be. But not all lovers can be sincere at all times. Sometimes, it is the social situations that will make them dishonest because of unmet needs. Partners can also have different motives on why they enter into loving relationships. As many sociologists would say: “Things are not what they seem!” What we externally see maybe not be the truth if we investigate further people’s motives. Some couples may appear to be loving and sweet in public, but deep inside their hearts are full of pain and hurts because of incompatibilities in personalities, views, beliefs, tastes, and personal values they experience daily in their union.

        Well, couples can’t  really avoid conflicts and incompatibilities in relationship. Social scientists believe that romantic or marital relationships are always cross-cultural. Every partner has his or her own cultural orientation and social upbringing which can lead to various forms of conflicts in the relationship. Cultural and personal differences are facts of life. No two people are identical. Each social situation and people’s reactions to it are unique. Even identical twins are culturally different.

         What is important is not how we avoid incompatibilities in a loving relationship, but how we understand them empirically and deal with them effectively in order to maintain the relationship. Many divorce cases occur because many couples wish that the irreconcilable incompatibilities should not have been there in the relationship. They expect marriages to be made in heaven. Thus, they give up finding creative ways to continue their loving relationships when their love runs dry because of irreconcilable differences.

         Experts believe that every loving relationship undergoes different stages. Dr. Jed Diamond  of the website “Menalive.com” identified 5 stages  of love. And it is often stage 3  or the period of discovery and disillusionment that causes break-ups and separations among couples. This is the stage when the love of couples runs dry and undergoes serious challenge:

Stage 1: Falling In Love
Stage 2: Becoming a Couple
Stage 3: Disillusionment
Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love
Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

           During the courtship or honeymoon phase or Stage 1, partners and spouses can be full of infatuation and romantic love. But as time goes by and partners become familiar with one another during the discovery or disillusionment phase or Stage 3, conflict, abuse, misunderstanding can arise and ultimately challenge the relationship. Experts say that this stage is the most difficult phase in a relationship. If one partner cannot accept the limitation of the other or whatever incompatibility they have in the union, frustrations, pains, and conflicts, can eventually ruin the commitment.  Overcoming Stage 3 is crucial in a relationship since the next stage is creating true and lasting love. True love would only occur if the couple can accept each other’s weakness and limitations, saying: “I love because you’re you” as the song goes!

          But not all relationships are meant to last because the some motives of one or both partners are deceptive. One partner maybe using the other to pursue his or her personal agenda. Despite this, there are still people who allow a manipulative type of love and tolerate their partners’s abuse, most probably because of their lack of options to find financial support or other partners if they leave the relationship. This particularly true for people who deliberately stayed with abusive partners due to social pressure, advanced age, and lack of education or career. A person who is single with mature age or a young person who is pressured by his or her peer group or relatives to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse may cling to an unhealthy or one-sided romantic love because of loyalty.

     As the following lyrics of the song “I can’t live without you” by the Bad Company illustrate:

The first time you deceived me, it nearly broke my heart
What hurts me most was I’m the last to know
So lately I’ve been thinking, thinking ’bout you
I know deep in my heart you had to go

Last night when I told you, you looked into my eyes
A wicked smile just spread across your face
You know I can’t resist you, no matter what you do
The way you treat me babe, it’s a disgrace

True Love

      According to the great Winston Churchill, an “[i]mmature love says, I love you because I need you, mature love says, I need you because I love you.” A true and mature romantic relationship does not use the other for selfish reasons. True love allows both partners to grow as persons and does not manipulate or use the other.

      But not all romantic relationships can blossom into real love. Because of some psychological issues faced by people in romantic love as well as incompatibilities in terms of personal trait and character between lovers, the initial feeling of love or infatuation can turn into an “unhealthy” romantic relationship. People who experience this type of love are advised to leave the relationship and move on to search their true love.

            Here’s an example of a one-sided and unhealthy types of romantic relationship. The lack of option is one important reason why people stay in a one-sided love affair. Obviously, this type of romance is not true love:

     “I don’t really know if I can call it love but I really care for this guy in my college. I had always been a reserved, socially awkward individual. I never really dated any guy in my school years because I couldn’t even look in the eyes of a man without blushing!…However, I am a changed person today—more confident, smart, straight forward and honest. This guy in my college was the FIRST guy who told me “I am falling for you”. He told me he thought I was beautiful. It took over a month to finally tell him a yes because I was afraid if he would hurt my feeble heart. The thing about me is that if I love, I love unconditionally….And so we spend a lot of time together and during one of our conversations he told me about his psychological condition—he had split personality, was a socially disconnected individual and couldn’t handle relationships. He told me about how his “falling in love” phase lasted only for hours to a few days…But the more I knew about his flaws, the more I loved him.

       Over time, I empathized so much with him that I ended up mirroring his emotions and his personality…I also realized that the only reason he sticks around with me is because 1) I am regular at work and is a good student at college. Hence, I can inform him of assignments to be submitted and college holidays. 2) He said he can’t afford a girlfriend at the moment and I am available at a ‘cheaper price’ and mostly free because I don’t demand for anything. 3) I am a girl and he is a guy and he can satisfy his ‘needs’….

         No! This is certainly not the way I wanted a man to love me. But I continued to remain in this one-sided, broken relationship in the craving and greed for the temporary happiness I gained when I was with him. I’ve lost all my self-respect; I have begun to value him more than I value myself. I know this isn’t good but I just can’t get over him and I just don’t seem to find the true love I have looking for my entire 19 years.

         Love and intimacy go hand in hand in romantic love. But these things must be felt by both partners. Love is the physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or social affection one person holds for another, while intimacy is the close relationship of two people where mutual acceptance, nurturance, and trust are shared at some level.

GIFs Credit: Giphy.com

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