4 Ways to Handle Marital Conflict and Stress

marriage GIF

1. Manage Your Marital Conflict. 

marriage GIF

Marriage is an ongoing negotiation. It formally begins during the wedding day when the bride and the groom say “I Do” to signal their lifetime commitment to stay together. But this agreement does not stop there. Right after the wedding ceremony the art of marital negotiation commences.

marriage proposal GIF

Everyday, the couple has to agree and compromise to stay together. When there is a disagreement, especially on serious things, such as handling conjugal property or educating the children, the couple must manage and resolve the issues as soon as possible. If they need some professional help from a lawyer or counselor, by all means they must agree to such a move. If couple will not resolve one issue at a time, things and tensions could pile up and partners would find the issues become complex to handle that could eventually lead to their separation or divorce. Remember: Always nip a problem from the bud and not allow it to ruin a lifetime marital commitment.

2. Forgive Your Spouse.

marriage GIF

Forgiving your’s partner’s fault is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Giving mercy is an acknowledgement that your partner is, after all, a human being with frailties and weakness as a person. Many marriages fail because couples failed to forgive one another. Marriage is a union of two unique people. Thus, expect the spouses to clash in many personal issues, since each partner has a different personality, social upbringing, and cultural orientation.

geography of global conflict GIF

To be able to forgive requires some form of spirituality based on your religious beliefs. Forgiveness is actually going beyond your self. You let go of your partner’s fault because you also know that you have your own faults and weaknesses too as a human being and you believe in God. So forgive and forget is a great key to make marriages work!

3. Sacrifice in the Name of Love.

marriage ring GIF

The type love in marriage is different from romantic relationship, although romantic love is a preparation for marital love. Marital love is a self-giving love. This means that when you say “I Do” during the wedding ceremony, you promise to sacrifice for the other because of love. Sacrificing for the sake of your spouse is an expression of marital love. A willingness “to forgo self-interest and desired activities for the good of a partner or relationship is an important aspect of maintaining relationships.

4. Alleviate Each Other’s Stress.

nia vardalos love GIF by My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

Sustaining and maintaining a family can be a very difficult task, especially for poor couples who are pressured by poverty. Also, troubles at work, financial crises or family drama can all push spouses apart. Couples who can respond to each other’s stress in a way that is soothing rather than exacerbating can weather the tenser times. That’s why constant communication and mutual affirmation are very important to maintain a marital commitment. Many married couples divorced because they no longer mutually support each other. The marital vows that mention the phrase”for better or for worse, ’til death do us part” implies that the couple’s mutual support in times of need and stress! Going out together on a date or special vacation during times of severe stress in family affairs is a great opportunity for couples to talk, support each other, and create new strategies on how to deal with their serious marital problems.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com
Thank you for reading this post. follow this blog via email to receive updates.

4 Top Myths about Women and Courtship!

season 1 love GIF by The White Princess

Introduction

It is widely believed in urban societies that women are more romantic than men and that they do not initiate the process of courtship. It is assumed by many that men must always initiate courtship. The women are expected to just wait for male initiatives and passively choose whose seductions and proposals from their suitors they would accept to become their boyfriends. Since women tend to read novels and romantic stories, it is also assumed that they are more romantic and that they would suffer more than men in dealing with separations or break-ups.

It is generally perceived as a cultural taboo for women to court men. Women would appear “cheap” or “easy to get” if they make the first move in expressing their feelings towards men they fall in love with. Thus one may ask: Do women really court men? Are women more romantic than men and would suffer more hardships after a serious break-up?

Let us examine the following top myths or falsehoods on women and courtship. I hope you will this post helpful in your social life.

Myth No. 1

Women are passive in courtship. Men should make the first move and the women only respond to it.

vd GIF

Fact:

Both women and men are active in courtship, albeit in different roles. The most common pattern is that women court men indirectly through nonverbal signs, while men court women directly through verbal contact.

Many people believe that women do not play an active role in courtship. Women are said to just wait for men to do the first move to court them. In patriarchal societies, it is always thought that men must initiate the courtship and control the entire process of establishing a romantic relationship. But some studies have shown that women are actually active in the courtship process (e.g. Moore & Butler, 1989; Grammer, 1989).

edited by me GIF

Although women do not  generally initiate verbal acts or explicitly express their affection for specific men, they nevertheless initiate the courtship process by first manifesting nonverbal signs of infatuation such as occasional glancing, dropping a handkerchief, being extra sweet, etc., hinting that they are interested or want to be pursued or courted. If men find these signs of interest by women worth pursuing, they usually would respond through verbal contact. Therefore both men and women are active in courtship. Courtship is not a one-way traffic. The women generally initiate the courtship process by showing signs of affection to the men that they fall in love with. Men generally respond to these signs through verbal moves to start the romantic relationship.

Animated GIF

Research studies often point to the seductive eye contact as the most common nonverbal strategy used by women  to woo their men.

nina dobrev hunts GIF

Of course, there are always exceptions. There are men who show nonverbal signs to women in order to show that they are attracted to them. But the most common pattern in courtship seems to be that the women provide the motive or nonverbal signs that they can be courted by certain men. In turn, men respond to these signs by verbal contact to complete the process of wooing.

Myth No. 2

Men are always aggressive in courting women even without signs of interest.

justin bieber GIF

Fact:

Men are generally hesitant to court women without nonverbal signs of attraction from them. Their first move is usually contingent to women’s interest towards them.

Many people think that men can just court any woman they are attracted to even without any signs of  seduction. But research studies show a different picture! Men tend to be hesitant to approach and court women without some form of seduction or nonverbal signals of attraction. These signals seem to be very important because males are generally hesitant to approach a female in the absence of indications of interest (Crook, 1972).

brave GIF

The very frequency of approaches by males appears to be highly correlated to the frequency of a female’s nonverbal solicitation (Moore & Butler, 1989). Thus, in response to these signals males often make the first overt move.

Males usually say they’d use seduction more frequently than females and they erroneously conclude that they started the interaction (Grammer, 1989). But the male seductions appear to be contingent on the female’s initiating behaviors. They do not seduce women if they feel that the latter are not interested. Despite the sensitivity to the females’ subtle signals, men still process these signals in a largely sub-conscious way and would only initiate verbal moves if they are certain that women have special interest towards them.

Myth No. 3

Women are more romantic than men in courtship.

Animated GIF

Fact:

Although women tend to read romantic novels and stories, studies show that men are actually more romantic than women in their outlook on love and invest more in building up the relationship.

Since most romance novels and romantic comedies are marketed to female audiences, women are generally considered more romantic than men. But one study that adopted the much-used Romantic Beliefs Scale indicated men have more romantic beliefs than women. It asked the respondents to rate the extent to which they agree with statements like, “There will only be one real love for me,” and, “If I love someone, I know I can make the relationship work, despite any obstacles.” The results showed that men typically outscore women on romantic beliefs.

gigi hadid GIF 

Moreover, men are more likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight.” They are also more likely to invest more time and resources in building up their romantic relationship. In one research, men tend to spend more money for Valentine’s day than women. Sending a Valentine’s card is said to be sufficient for women. But men would go an extra mile to show their romantic affection for their partners by buying flowers, providing chocolates, arranging a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, booking a weekend away, buying theater tickets and splashing out on champagne or jewellery. This is a finding of a survey of around 2,000 men and women done by the researchers Consumer Intelligence for Valentine’s Day.

Myth No. 4

Women suffer more than men in serious romantic break-ups because  of their emotional sensitivity.

britney spears crying GIF

Fact: 

Research studies show that since men have fewer friends to share their personal problems compared to women,  they are more likely to suffer more heartaches than women following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

Many research studies show that women are more emotional than men. Thus, women are stereotyped as experiencing more anxiety, guilt, sadness, and anger following relational dissolution than men.

Surprisingly, there are also other studies that show that women are more responsible when deciding to end the relationship. They tend to play the role of breakup initiator more often than do men. They become conscious of relational problems sooner than men do, which allows them time to prepare for the breakup and consequently leave men surprised by the revelation.

sad andre johnson GIF

Men tend to be more vulnerable, shocked, or upset after romantic separations. A study by Shimek and Bello (2014) revealed that men handle the ending of a romantic relationship worse than women. They also have stronger feelings of sadness, depression, and loneliness compared to women.

Men have fewer individuals they can rely on and turn to for some support after a romantic break-up. They become emotionally devastated after a separation because their primary confidant was their now absent partner. A research by Day and Livingstone (2003) indicated that women are more likely to confide in others about their romantic problems, while men are more independent and often refrain from expressing their emotions to their friends.

Thank you for reading this post! Please comment, like, or share this post to help others. Cheers and best wishes!

GIF credits: Giphy.com

References

Arla L. Day, and Holly A. Livingstone. “Gender differences in perceptions of stressors and utilization of social support among university students.” Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science 35 (2003): 73–83.

Sally A. Shumaker, and D. Robin Hill. “Gender differences in social support and physical health.” Health Psychology 10 (1991): 102–11.

Shimek, C. & Bello, R. (2014). Coping with Break-Ups: Rebound Relationships and Gender Socialization. Soc. Sci. 2014, 3(1), 24-43; doi:10.3390/socsci3010024.

The Telegraph. “It’s official: men are more romantic than women”. Retrieved from https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/9860958/Its-official-men-are-more-romantic-than-women.html.

Seidman, G. (1 Oct 2014). “6 Myths About Men, Women, and Relationships”. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201409/6-myths-about-men-women-and-relationships.

Thank for following this post. subscribe or follow this blog for more updates.

 

7 Top Traits Women Want in Men

top 10 hot guys GIF

1. With Sense of Humor

the west wing attractive men GIF

A sense of humor makes men attractive to women. Being able to laugh at the stresses of this world is a must, according to 77 percent of the women in one study. Men get bonus points if they can make women laugh. Humor tells a woman that you can laugh at the many difficulties that life throws at you.

Moreover, some studies showed that women typically choose better-looking guys for flings, not long-term relationships. Men with strong sense of humor may not necessarily be attractive. They also showed that women love men who make them smile and laugh, especially during times of stress and problems.

2. Intelligent

watch it high school GIF

A worldly, interesting man is a man 55 percent of women like to show off. Men who are problem solvers make women feel secure, and men who are always improving are never boring.

3. Confident

sure dale cooper GIF by Twin Peaks on Showtime

A man who feels secure in his own skin makes the woman he’s with feel secure, according to 41 percent of women in one research study. By showing men can handle unfamiliar people or situations, they tell women in their life that they need not fear, either.

4. With High Earning Potential

wolf of wall street money GIF

One in five women surveyed in one study said a man’s success in his career contributes to his sexiness. If you’ve demonstrated talent, goal achievement, and follow-through, you give women confidence that you will be a good provider.

5. With Great Ambition

neil patrick harris bubly water GIF

Men with great ambition in life is attractive to women. The ambition of achieving higher social status and social class in society can impress women who want their men to be successful. “Not ambition in the sense that you knock other people down to build yourself up, but in the fact that you will work hard to get what you want and help others to do the same thing” (Jordan).

6. Passionate About Life

te amo love GIF by Mother’s Day

Women love men who are passionate in whatever they do in life. They also love men who live in the moment and enjoy life every day. It’s not about the destination, but about the journey in life that women expect from their male partners.

7. Brave

me1000 GIF

Women are attracted to brave men who can face difficult situations with confidence.  Being brave, alert in emergency situations, is very attractive to women and indicates that they can protect them from all types of danger.

8. Famous

angry george clooney GIF

If men are famous, then by definition a lot of people know them. If a lot of people know them, they are therefore important. Being important is very attractive to women. Popularity and achievement are attractive for female partners. Women want their men to be achievers, innovative, and leaders in their chosen fields.

Being famous men implies more social connection, prestige, and honor for their women. Popularity is an indicator of social status, one of the main sources of power in society, together with social class.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Calo, C. (n.d.). the 100 Top Things that Attract Women to Men.Way Too Social. Retrieved from https://www.waytoosocial.com/top-100-things-that-attract-women-to-men/.

Jones, L. (17 April 2018). Top 20 Traits Women Want in a Man. Men’shealth. Retrieved from https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19535604/top-20-traits-she-wants/.

Jordan, S. (n.d.). 7 Qualities Women Find Attractive in Men. Lifehack. Retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/7-qualities-women-find-attractive-men.html.

Best Strategies in Courting Women

people-2562401_640

Introduction

Two things to remember before courting a woman. First, dating is different from courtship, although they are related. Dating can lead to courtship. Second, it is important to court one woman at a time. Finally, courtship is not a game but a preparation for marriage for the Catholic Church.

1. Dating is different from courting

romantic-1175777_640

Maybe one thinks that dating and courting are the same thing, but actually, they’re very different. Dating is more casual, and he or she does not necessarily looking for someone serious. Rather it’s just testing the waters and having fun, completely understandable.

Courting is based on the idea of eventual marriage. Okay, if one is just had a shiver up your spine reading the word, “marry,” I get it, it’s big step. But courtship is really meant for those who are seriously looking for someone (Ivanovic).

2. You can only court one girl at a time

people-2557408_640

One can’t be courting three girls at one time. It will not work. If one girl would know that your courting other girls, the guy would lose all his chances. So it’s important to just focus one’s attention on the one girl he is courting. If she’s not compatible then the guy must end the courtship and start courting someone else. If he courting a bunch of girls at once, his not really genuinely trying to get to know each one as well….” (Ivanovic).

stop-3089945_640

4 Top Strategies in Courting Women

1. Know the woman you’re courting: Do your homework. Do some background check before making your first move.

 

couple-1845620_640

This is the most important part in courting. Before taking a move, you should know your woman very well in order for you to get some idea on how to get on with her. The important things that you should know about her include her family, religion, friends, and personal background (Suminguit 12 Dec 2012).

2. Always pay attention to details when you’re  dealing with her.  Women love rose petals sprinkled on beds.  From little surprises to the opening of car doors, it’s the little things that women desire when they are being courted (Lovesujiery).

 

ronald-van-der-meulen-1232510_640

3. Court when you’re thinking of marriage.

Don’t play games with the woman you’re courting. Courtship is a preparation for marriage. Close your eyes and think about it. Can you see this woman being your wife? If so, then why not give it a try and court her. You should really only be courting someone when you’re considering the idea of marrying them (Ivanovic).

4. Persistence pays in courtship: Sustained and persistent efforts in wooing a woman can make her fall in love in the long run.

couple-1210023_640

“Most women will fall in love to a guy that excels more efforts than those who are not. Efforts counts more than anything that you can imagine. They are weakness of women, the power of men. No matter how hard it will be, just don’t give up. Instead, excel more efforts.

Meet with her friends, or maybe her family. Visit her at home or go to a place she often visits. Love what she loves. Buy her flowers and chocolates without thinking that it is very crazy. Don’t you know that they love crazy stuff? It is just too cool for them.” (Suminguit 12 Dec 2012).

Catholic Church’s Teaching on Courtship

sacrament-338987_640

Courtship is always a preparation for the Church. It’s a period of discovery whether 2 mature people are compatible for a lifelong commitment in the sacrament of matrimony. The longer the period of courtship, the better is the discovery period for the couple. Usually, it takes 2 or more years to know who the person one wishes to marry. Courtship can be a short period with a definitive end.  It ends either in an engagement or in the dissolution of the relationship (https://tradcatfem.com).

For the Church, building a chaste, holy marriage begins before one is married and the only legitimate reason for company-keeping is courtship, which is a preparation for marriage. Before embarking on a traditional Catholic courtship, both the man and the woman must ensure that they are both prepared, spiritually, financially, and mentally for marriage.

glass-3109246_640

Catholic marriage will take place only after the period of spiritual, mental and financial preparation has been completed by engaged couples  (https://tradcatfem.com).

 

maxresdefault

Photo Source: youtube.com

 

Photo Credit (except with attribution): Pixabay.com

References

Ivanovic, N. (n.d.). “How to Court a Woman: 15 Ways to Do It Like a Classy Gentleman”. LovePanky. Retrieved from https://www.lovepanky.com/men/attracting-and-dating-women/how-to-court-a-woman.

Lovesujiery (n.d.) “8 Ways women Want to be Courted by Men”. Babble. Retrieved from https://www.babble.com/relationships/8-ways-women-want-to-be-courted-by-men/.

Suminguit, R.J. (7 Dec 2012). “How to Court Your Girl in 5 Simple Steps”. BrighterYou:  Advice for Love. Retrieved from https://brighteryou.wordpress.com/2012/12/07/how-to-court-your-girl-in-5-simple-steps/.

________ (n.d.) “Stages of a Traditional Catholic Courtship”. Traditional Catholic Femininity. Retrieved from https://tradcatfem.com/2017/07/27/stages-of-traditional-catholic-courtship/.

Thank you for reading post. Sign up with our newsletter or follow this blog via email.

 

 

4 Top Myths about Women and Courtship!

 

season 1 love GIF by The White Princess

Introduction

Hello to all my friends, followers, and subscribers!

In this post, we are going to clarify the role of women in courtship, whether they are active or passive in the process of wooing a partner, as well as their attitude to romance, whether they are more romantic than men and suffer more than them following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

It is widely believed in urban societies that women are more romantic than men and that they do not initiate the process of courtship. It is assumed by many that men must always initiate courtship. The women are expected to just wait for male initiatives and passively choose whose seductions and proposals from their suitors they would accept to become their boyfriends. Since women tend to read novels and romantic stories, it is also assumed that they are more romantic and that they would suffer more than men in dealing with separations or break-ups.

It is generally perceived as a cultural taboo for women to court men. Women would appear “cheap” or “easy to get” if they make the first move in expressing their feelings towards men they fall in love with. Thus one may ask: Do women really court men? Are women more romantic than men and would suffer more hardships after a serious break-up?

Let us examine the following top myths or falsehoods on women and courtship. I hope you will this post helpful in your social life.

Myth No. 1

Women are passive in courtship. Men should make the first move and the women only respond to it.

adult-blur-bouquet-236287

Fact:

Both women and men are active in courtship, albeit in different roles. The most common pattern is that women court men indirectly through nonverbal signs, while men court women directly through verbal contact.

 

Many people believe that women do not play an active role in courtship. Women are said to just wait for men to do the first move to court them. In patriarchal societies, it is always thought that men must initiate the courtship and control the entire process of establishing a romantic relationship. But some studies have shown that women are actually active in the courtship process (e.g. Moore & Butler, 1989; Grammer, 1989).

Although women do not  generally initiate verbal acts or explicitly express their affection for specific men, they nevertheless initiate the courtship process by first manifesting nonverbal signs of infatuation such as occasional glancing, dropping a handkerchief, being extra sweet, etc., hinting that they are interested or want to be pursued or courted. If men find these signs of interest by women worth pursuing, they usually would respond through verbal contact. Therefore both men and women are active in courtship. Courtship is not a one-way traffic. The women generally initiate the courtship process by showing signs of affection to the men that they fall in love with. Men generally respond to these signs through verbal moves to start the romantic relationship.

Research studies often point to the seductive eye contact as the most common nonverbal strategy used by women  to woo their men.

alluring-attractive-beautiful-808579

Of course, there are always exceptions. There are men who show nonverbal signs to women in order to show that they are attracted to them. But the most common pattern in courtship seems to be that the women provide the motive or nonverbal signs that they can be courted by certain men. In turn, men respond to these signs by verbal contact to complete the process of wooing.

Myth No. 2

Men are always aggressive in courting women even without signs of interest.

adult-affection-beard-842546

Fact:

Men are generally hesitant to court women without nonverbal signs of attraction from them. Their first move is usually contingent to women’s interest towards them.

Many people think that men can just court any woman they are attracted to even without any signs of  seduction. But research studies show a different picture! Men tend to be hesitant to approach and court women without some form of seduction or nonverbal signals of attraction. These signals seem to be very important because males are generally hesitant to approach a female in the absence of indications of interest (Crook, 1972).

attractive-beautiful-brickwall-919615

The very frequency of approaches by males appears to be highly correlated to the frequency of a female’s nonverbal solicitation (Moore & Butler, 1989). Thus, in response to these signals males often make the first overt move.

Males usually say they’d use seduction more frequently than females and they erroneously conclude that they started the interaction (Grammer, 1989). But the male seductions appear to be contingent on the female’s initiating behaviors. They do not seduce women if they feel that the latter are not interested. Despite the sensitivity to the females’ subtle signals, men still process these signals in a largely sub-conscious way and would only initiate verbal moves if they are certain that women have special interest towards them.

adults-beautiful-casual-323180 (1)

Myth No. 3

Women are more romantic than men in courtship.

adult-affection-boat-265878

Fact:

Although women tend to read romantic novels and stories, studies show that men are actually more romantic than women in their outlook on love and invest more in building up the relationship.

 

Since most romance novels and romantic comedies are marketed to female audiences, women are generally considered more romantic than men. But one study that adopted the much-used Romantic Beliefs Scale indicated men have more romantic beliefs than women. It asked the respondents to rate the extent to which they agree with statements like, “There will only be one real love for me,” and, “If I love someone, I know I can make the relationship work, despite any obstacles.” The results showed that men typically outscore women on romantic beliefs.

 beautiful-blur-bridal-256737

Moreover, men are more likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight.” They are also more likely to invest more time and resources in building up their romantic relationship. In one research, men tend to spend more money for Valentine’s day than women. Sending a Valentine’s card is said to be sufficient for women. But men would go an extra mile to show their romantic affection for their partners by buying flowers, providing chocolates, arranging a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, booking a weekend away, buying theater tickets and splashing out on champagne or jewellery. This is a finding of a survey of around 2,000 men and women done by the researchers Consumer Intelligence for Valentine’s Day.

Myth No. 4

Women suffer more than men in serious romantic break-ups because  of their emotional sensitivity.

adult-alone-black-and-white-568021

 

Fact: 

Research studies show that since men have fewer friends to share their personal problems compared to women,  they are more likely to suffer more heartaches than women following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

 

Many research studies show that women are more emotional than men. Thus, women are stereotyped as experiencing more anxiety, guilt, sadness, and anger following relational dissolution than men.

Surprisingly, there are also other studies that show that women are more responsible when deciding to end the relationship. They tend to play the role of breakup initiator more often than do men. They become conscious of relational problems sooner than men do, which allows them time to prepare for the breakup and consequently leave men surprised by the revelation.

Men tend to be more vulnerable, shocked, or upset after romantic separations. A study by Shimek and Bello (2014) revealed that men handle the ending of a romantic relationship worse than women. They also have stronger feelings of sadness, depression, and loneliness compared to women.

Men have fewer individuals they can rely on and turn to for some support after a romantic break-up. They become emotionally devastated after a separation because their primary confidant was their now absent partner. A research by Day and Livingstone (2003) indicated that women are more likely to confide in others about their romantic problems, while men are more independent and often refrain from expressing their emotions to their friends.

Thank you for reading this post! Please comment, like, or share this post to help others. Cheers and best wishes!

 Photo credit: Pexels.com free photos

References

Arla L. Day, and Holly A. Livingstone. “Gender differences in perceptions of stressors and utilization of social support among university students.” Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science 35 (2003): 73–83.

Sally A. Shumaker, and D. Robin Hill. “Gender differences in social support and physical health.” Health Psychology 10 (1991): 102–11.

Shimek, C. & Bello, R. (2014). Coping with Break-Ups: Rebound Relationships and Gender Socialization. Soc. Sci. 2014, 3(1), 24-43; doi:10.3390/socsci3010024.

The Telegraph. “It’s official: men are more romantic than women”. Retrieved from https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/9860958/Its-official-men-are-more-romantic-than-women.html.

Seidman, G. (1 Oct 2014). “6 Myths About Men, Women, and Relationships”. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201409/6-myths-about-men-women-and-relationships.