Which Comes First in Romantic Relationship: Friendship or Courtship?

barcelona-959073_640

Which comes first as an effective strategy to establish a romantic ties with the person that one loves?

The guy must first befriend the girl and then court her after she has shown enough trust to him? Or the guy must first directly court the girl and when she accepts the proposal, he could start establishing trust and friendship with her?

affection-bokeh-couple-849233

This can create a dilemma. If the guy uses the first approach of befriending the girl first before courting her, the latter might think that he is taking advantage of the friendship.

But if the guy directly courts the girl without first knowing and befriending her, the latter would think that the former is more interested with sex or playing “fresh” as he doesn’t bother to befriend her first to know her more in the personal level. Friendship is an important foundation of a mature romantic love.

woman-2873658_640

It can happen that a great friendship between a man and a woman is destroyed because one of the partners put romantic meaning into their relationship. But it can also happen in the opposite direction–that a genuine friendship between two people can blossom into a romantic relationship. There is really no assurance or sure formula which one should a person begin in the process of courtship if women do not show signs of nonverbal signs that they want to be courted by men. Thus, one wonders how romance could be established: A man must first Initiate friendship with the other and then proceed to courtship, or he must first directly proceed to courtship and then develop friendship with the other after a romantic relationship is established.

selfie-1684976_640

If one is beginning to feel the tingle of attraction in a platonic friendship, how should he or she explore the possibility that his or her romantic feelings with the other might be reciprocated? After all, a relationship of compatibility and trust can serve as a strong foundation for romance.  But how does one partner make a move to express his or her romantic feelings to the other without sinking the friendship?

To decide which approach a guy will pursue to woo a girl is not easy. It depends on different social and cultural factors. He must first do some background check in order to know the preference of the girl, whether she prefers courtship or friendship first, and thus avoid missteps and win the girl he loves.

The Story of Best Friends Who Became Lovers

grass-2563424_640

Read the amazing story of Ravi and Anju. They were first best friends since childhood. But later on they became lovers:

“We are at the Coffee Shop sitting opposite to each other, it is like any other day but still it is special, moreover it is different and a bit awkward. I and Ravi have been best friends since we were in fifth grade. We two never felt the need of anyone else, rather no one felt comfortable enough when we were together. We always had our secret jokes and we preferred to keep them secret. Because some jokes when explained loses its essence. It’s roughly been 8 years of our friendship and we realized that we always come back to each other even though we were dating others. Probably because I know that no one understands me better than Ravi, perhaps he feels the same…

coffee-shop-1149155_640 (1)

And we decided to go on a date the next day. And first time in my life was I concerned on how I look, how I dress up while I am going out with Ravi. And yes the funny part is I wore makeup, I dabbed my sister’s red lipstick, applied some mascara, blushed my cheeks in a pink shade. I was uneasy but that’s what dates are, present yourself in a way you are not. I wore my sister’s black short lace dress with 3/4 sleeves and wore my red pumps (yes I only wear them on parties and dates). When I reached, he was already there (he usually is late) and that was the first reminder, that we are on a date. He stood up to greet me, and I caught the surprise in his eyes. He was surprised to see me in a short dress and makeup, probably because I always wear jeans and no makeup. I smiled and sat down, yes I now realize I overdid things, it was just another day, but he too wore a leather jacket, which seems brand new. And I could feel the nervousness in his air, maybe a reflection of what I am feeling. We ordered our cappuccinos and two grilled chicken sandwiches, our favorite meal. I wonder if I have to eat with a fork, but I prefer eating a sandwich with my hands. We sat quiet, he was intently looking at me, observing me, I was absorbed in his gaze, and I felt hesitant. My shoulders shrunk, and I hoped that the ground would absorb me, I felt like a fool to dress up like a bimbo, hmph.

He finally said “You looking very pretty, how come I haven’t seen you like this before?” 

“It’s Pari’s dress, and I am wearing a makeup” and it feels disgusting
“Yeah I can see that, and it looks lovely, you look like a glam girl”

“yeah right, would you stop teasing me? I know I look weird, I shouldn’t have tried this.”

And he suddenly held my hand and said “You look lovely Anju, I feel like a douche to not have seen your beauty before, I have always loved you as a best friend, lately I felt much more than friendship, so I talked you into this date proposal, and I am flushed by your beauty, why do you hide it?”

“I don’t hide it, it’s just not me”

“It is you, the dress isn’t yours but can be yours, every girl wears makeup, so it is you, and there is no harm in glamorizing yourself”

“I feel spurious”

“You aren’t fake, you are the same girl I had always liked to be with”

And suddenly I went silent and recalled our conversation in my head, and boom! He confessed he is feeling more than friendship for me lately…

I could only flush crimson, and I was short of words, what I instead did was hold his hand in confirmation to what he has just said. And he punched my left arm by his right arm hinting we still would be best friends apart from being lovers, and we laughed.

To have a best friend and a lover is great, but to have that one person as a best friend and a lover is amazing” (Mudhesh, 22April, 2014).

Photo credit: Pixabay.com, Pexels.com

Thanks for reading this post. Follow this blog for more updates.

References

Patrick, W (30 July 2017). From Friendship to Courtship: How Friends Fall in Love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201707/friendship-courtship-how-friends-fall-in-love.

Mudhesh, F. (22 April 2014). Short story – From Best Friends To Lovers. Retrieved from https://helpalittle.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/short-story-from-best-friends-to-lovers/


6 Top Signs a Guy Isn’t Interested In You Anymore

boyfriend GIF

1. He Stops Texting or Calling You.

texting GIF

If your boyfriend stops calling or texting you regularly the way he used to do, then his interest in your relationship has gone cold. A guy who truly loves you will always find ways to contact you no matter how busy he is with his job or work.

2. He Flirts with Other Women In Front Of You

mad Sports bar GIF by Originals

Flirting with other women in front of you is a sure sign that he has lost interest in you, or he is indeed a playboy who is incapable of bringing you to the altar. Why would he flirt other women if he is really serious in your relationship and intending to marry you in the future.

3. His Body Language Changes Around You

tv land flirt GIF by #Impastor

“When a guy likes you, he might not say so directly, but his body language will. He’ll lean towards you to build intimacy, face his body towards you in group situations, and find reasons to touch your shoulder or arm (like when he makes you laugh)” (Bastion).

If your boyfriend is no longer as sweet and caring as he used to be, then he probably lost his interest in you. It’s a sign that you need to move on and find another suitable partner.

4. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Like He Used To

boyfriend GIF

Romantic relationships call for intimacy and mutual care on a regular basis. This entails every partner to provide special attention to your loved one. If your boyfriend is no longer giving you the special attention he used to give you when you started the relationship, then it’s a sign that he is no longer interested in you. Watch out for inconsistencies of what he says and what he does. If he says that “I will never, ever love somebody more than I love you” but starts to take you for granted, then it’s time to find another guy until you’ll find your match and get engaged.

5. You Always Have To Text And Call Him First

You will know that your man is no longer interested in you always have to text and call him instead he taking the initiative to contact you. In this case, he maybe busy with other things or maybe having other relationships with other girls. A guy who is truly in love with you would make sure to contact you no matter how busy he is! A change in pattern in your communication is a biggest sign that he is gradually abandoning you!

text oops GIF

6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous If You Mention Seeing Someone

high five rejected GIF by CBC

Jealousy is not always a negative reaction. Being jealous can be just a way to guard the exclusive relationship from intruders. If your boyfriend is jealous when you mention that you’re seeing someone is just a normal reaction, and a precaution for him that you might get tempted to entertain other relationship. Romantic relationship is basically dyad or pair with 2 people falling in love, not triad or any form of polygamous union. So, if your guy is not jealous even if you mentioned positive traits of the person you met, then this can be a sign that he doesn’t care because he loses interest in your relationship.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Bastion, N. (n.d.). “The Top 10 Signs a Guy Ins’t Interested in You Anymore”. Retrieved http://www.vixendaily.com/love/top-10-signs-a-guy-isnt-interested-in-you-anymore/

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe or follow this blog via email for more updates.

 

 

 

 

 


Which Comes First in Romantic Relationship: Friendship or Courtship?

barcelona-959073_640

Which comes first as an effective strategy to establish a romantic ties with the person that one loves?

The guy must first befriend the girl and then court her after she has shown enough trust to him? Or the guy must first directly court the girl and when she accepts the proposal, he could start establishing trust and friendship with her?

affection-bokeh-couple-849233

This can create a dilemma. If the guy uses the first approach of befriending the girl first before courting her, the latter might think that he is taking advantage of the friendship.

But if the guy directly courts the girl without first knowing and befriending her, the latter would think that the former is more interested with sex or playing “fresh” as he doesn’t bother to befriend her first to know her more in the personal level. Friendship is an important foundation of a mature romantic love.

woman-2873658_640

It can happen that a great friendship between a man and a woman is destroyed because one of the partners put romantic meaning into their relationship. But it can also happen in the opposite direction–that a genuine friendship between two people can blossom into a romantic relationship. There is really no assurance or sure formula which one should a person begin in the process of courtship if women do not show signs of nonverbal signs that they want to be courted by men. Thus, one wonders how romance could be established: A man must first Initiate friendship with the other and then proceed to courtship, or he must first directly proceed to courtship and then develop friendship with the other after a romantic relationship is established.

selfie-1684976_640

If one is beginning to feel the tingle of attraction in a platonic friendship, how should he or she explore the possibility that his or her romantic feelings with the other might be reciprocated? After all, a relationship of compatibility and trust can serve as a strong foundation for romance.  But how does one partner make a move to express his or her romantic feelings to the other without sinking the friendship?

To decide which approach a guy will pursue to woo a girl is not easy. It depends on different social and cultural factors. He must first do some background check in order to know the preference of the girl, whether she prefers courtship or friendship first, and thus avoid missteps and win the girl he loves.

The Story of Best Friends Who Became Lovers

grass-2563424_640

Read the amazing story of Ravi and Anju. They were first best friends since childhood. But later on they became lovers:

“We are at the Coffee Shop sitting opposite to each other, it is like any other day but still it is special, moreover it is different and a bit awkward. I and Ravi have been best friends since we were in fifth grade. We two never felt the need of anyone else, rather no one felt comfortable enough when we were together. We always had our secret jokes and we preferred to keep them secret. Because some jokes when explained loses its essence. It’s roughly been 8 years of our friendship and we realized that we always come back to each other even though we were dating others. Probably because I know that no one understands me better than Ravi, perhaps he feels the same…

coffee-shop-1149155_640 (1)

And we decided to go on a date the next day. And first time in my life was I concerned on how I look, how I dress up while I am going out with Ravi. And yes the funny part is I wore makeup, I dabbed my sister’s red lipstick, applied some mascara, blushed my cheeks in a pink shade. I was uneasy but that’s what dates are, present yourself in a way you are not. I wore my sister’s black short lace dress with 3/4 sleeves and wore my red pumps (yes I only wear them on parties and dates). When I reached, he was already there (he usually is late) and that was the first reminder, that we are on a date. He stood up to greet me, and I caught the surprise in his eyes. He was surprised to see me in a short dress and makeup, probably because I always wear jeans and no makeup. I smiled and sat down, yes I now realize I overdid things, it was just another day, but he too wore a leather jacket, which seems brand new. And I could feel the nervousness in his air, maybe a reflection of what I am feeling. We ordered our cappuccinos and two grilled chicken sandwiches, our favorite meal. I wonder if I have to eat with a fork, but I prefer eating a sandwich with my hands. We sat quiet, he was intently looking at me, observing me, I was absorbed in his gaze, and I felt hesitant. My shoulders shrunk, and I hoped that the ground would absorb me, I felt like a fool to dress up like a bimbo, hmph.

He finally said “You looking very pretty, how come I haven’t seen you like this before?” 

“It’s Pari’s dress, and I am wearing a makeup” and it feels disgusting
“Yeah I can see that, and it looks lovely, you look like a glam girl”

“yeah right, would you stop teasing me? I know I look weird, I shouldn’t have tried this.”

And he suddenly held my hand and said “You look lovely Anju, I feel like a douche to not have seen your beauty before, I have always loved you as a best friend, lately I felt much more than friendship, so I talked you into this date proposal, and I am flushed by your beauty, why do you hide it?”

“I don’t hide it, it’s just not me”

“It is you, the dress isn’t yours but can be yours, every girl wears makeup, so it is you, and there is no harm in glamorizing yourself”

“I feel spurious”

“You aren’t fake, you are the same girl I had always liked to be with”

And suddenly I went silent and recalled our conversation in my head, and boom! He confessed he is feeling more than friendship for me lately…

I could only flush crimson, and I was short of words, what I instead did was hold his hand in confirmation to what he has just said. And he punched my left arm by his right arm hinting we still would be best friends apart from being lovers, and we laughed.

To have a best friend and a lover is great, but to have that one person as a best friend and a lover is amazing” (Mudhesh, 22April, 2014).

Photo credit: Pixabay.com, Pexels.com

Thanks for reading this post. Follow this blog for more updates.

References

Patrick, W (30 July 2017). From Friendship to Courtship: How Friends Fall in Love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201707/friendship-courtship-how-friends-fall-in-love.

Mudhesh, F. (22 April 2014). Short story – From Best Friends To Lovers. Retrieved from https://helpalittle.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/short-story-from-best-friends-to-lovers/


 

6 Top Signs a Guy Isn’t Interested In You Anymore

boyfriend GIF

1. He Stops Texting or Calling You.

texting GIF

If your boyfriend stops calling or texting you regularly the way he used to do, then his interest in your relationship has gone cold. A guy who truly loves you will always find ways to contact you no matter how busy he is with his job or work.

2. He Flirts with Other Women In Front Of You

mad Sports bar GIF by Originals

Flirting with other women in front of you is a sure sign that he has lost interest in you, or he is indeed a playboy who is incapable of bringing you to the altar. Why would he flirt other women if he is really serious in your relationship and intending to marry you in the future.

3. His Body Language Changes Around You

tv land flirt GIF by #Impastor

“When a guy likes you, he might not say so directly, but his body language will. He’ll lean towards you to build intimacy, face his body towards you in group situations, and find reasons to touch your shoulder or arm (like when he makes you laugh)” (Bastion).

If your boyfriend is no longer as sweet and caring as he used to be, then he probably lost his interest in you. It’s a sign that you need to move on and find another suitable partner.

4. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Like He Used To

boyfriend GIF

Romantic relationships call for intimacy and mutual care on a regular basis. This entails every partner to provide special attention to your loved one. If your boyfriend is no longer giving you the special attention he used to give you when you started the relationship, then it’s a sign that he is no longer interested in you. Watch out for inconsistencies of what he says and what he does. If he says that “I will never, ever love somebody more than I love you” but starts to take you for granted, then it’s time to find another guy until you’ll find your match and get engaged.

5. You Always Have To Text And Call Him First

You will know that your man is no longer interested in you always have to text and call him instead he taking the initiative to contact you. In this case, he maybe busy with other things or maybe having other relationships with other girls. A guy who is truly in love with you would make sure to contact you no matter how busy he is! A change in pattern in your communication is a biggest sign that he is gradually abandoning you!

text oops GIF

6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous If You Mention Seeing Someone

high five rejected GIF by CBC

Jealousy is not always a negative reaction. Being jealous can be just a way to guard the exclusive relationship from intruders. If your boyfriend is jealous when you mention that you’re seeing someone is just a normal reaction, and a precaution for him that you might get tempted to entertain other relationship. Romantic relationship is basically dyad or pair with 2 people falling in love, not triad or any form of polygamous union. So, if your guy is not jealous even if you mentioned positive traits of the person you met, then this can be a sign that he doesn’t care because he loses interest in your relationship.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Bastion, N. (n.d.). “The Top 10 Signs a Guy Ins’t Interested in You Anymore”. Retrieved http://www.vixendaily.com/love/top-10-signs-a-guy-isnt-interested-in-you-anymore/

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe or follow this blog via email for more updates.

 

 

 

 



How to Judge Your Lover’s Action

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People tend to judge the meaning of an action from the outside, and often fail to see what’s inside of the person’s mind doing the act. Most romantic relationships fail because the jealous partner only sees the social meaning of the external act of the other but not the motive behind it.

Web Hosting

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One girlfriend just broke up with her boyfriend when she saw him chatting with a beautiful girl from afar. She interpreted the animated conversation of the two as a form of romantic attraction. Without asking the boyfriend about the girl and what they were talking about, she immediately stopped texting and communicating with him. She eventually broke up with his boyfriend without clarifying with him of what actually happened during that animated encounter with another girl.

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Max Weber, a German sociologist, has a very good advice for people who want to judge the meaning of people’s interaction. He called this approach as “verstehen” or “interpretive understanding”. This concept implies that a person must judge behavior from the actor’s point of view. If one really wants to understand the true meaning of the human action, he or she must put himself/herself into the shoes of the other.

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“Verstehen” implies understanding the social meaning of the person’s external act or the stereotype and the motive behind the act. It requires empathy. Without learning the motive of the act, the observer would pass rash judgment and misjudge the true significance of the act. The girl could have investigated or probed further on what was really the motive why his boyfriend had an animated conversation with the other girl.

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Many romantic partners and spouses separate because they pass rash judgment, they only know the meaning of their partners’ external acts but fail to understand the real intentions underneath them. Jealously and other forms of negative emotions can sometimes cloud their judgments and forget to probe what actually happened with their partners’ or spouses’ encounters with the significant other.

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com and Pexels.com

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